Since my plan to blog about He-Man and She-Ra was foiled by some sort of technical difficulty, and I'm not sitting through that thing twice in one night, I guess I'll blog about this episode of one of the best shows ever.
It begins with Blanche coming in the door, making sure none of the roommates are home, and then beckoning in her gentleman caller-- a mall Santa on his lunch break. Of course, the other three come home just as Blanche is running back out into the living room in Santa's beard. Dorothy deadpans, "Let me guess... you didn't expect us home so soon?" Rose is horrified that Santa would defile his uniform. Santa just slips out the door wordlessly. Wise man.
The girls are jaded by the overcrowded shopping mall and impersonal gifts, so they decide that they will all make gifts for each other. Sophia is less than impressed with this idea.
Next thing you know, it's the night before Christmas Eve, and the girls are exchanging their gifts before leaving to be with their families the following day. Rose's gift to Dorothy is a maple syrup spicket. Just to be mean, Sophia brings up the fact that Rose had originally planned to give Dorothy a set of pearl earrings.
Blanche's gift to everyone is a calendar-- The Men of Blanche's Boudoir. Somewhere there is a gag reel clip where the producers and crew pasted pictures of themselves onto the prop calendars. It does not appear to be on youtube.
It's mentioned before the girls head to bed that Rose has to work in the morning, so the others will have to pick her up on their way to the airport. So you know that's going to be important.
Sure enough, Dorothy and Blanche come in to the grief center to pick up Rose while Sophia is waiting in the car. They encounter a man who plays with matches and a pathological liar while waiting for Rose to finish counseling one of the principal backers of Howard the Duck. Then, in walks a Santa with a gun. But he doesn't want money, he just wants some people to spend Christmas with. When they ask why the gun, he makes the fair point that if he'd just asked them to spend Christmas with him, they wouldn't have done it.
Soon Sophia walks in to see what's taking so long. Being the fearless Italian that she is, she grabs the gun and exclaims, "This is a toy!" Then chides Dorothy, "You call yourself an Italian and you can't tell the difference between a toy and a real piece?"
The girls make it to the airport just in time to hear that all flights are cancelled due to weather. Sophia takes her anger out on a Hare Krishna.
Next we see them at a diner, and we're told that they've had car trouble since we last saw them. Blanche mentions that she met her husband on Christmas Eve, and then goes on to tell a story that Dorothy claims one could get herpes just by hearing. Which turns out not to be the story of how she met George at all, just a more interesting story. The waiter gives the girls complimentary cheesecake, and when he hears that they're having a rough Christmas, says that he's sad he has to work instead of being at home with his family. He is shocked to hear them say that they can't be with their families either-- from hearing them talk, he assumed they were family. It's not mentioned that Dorothy and Sophia are. The girls are touched that it took a total stranger to point out that they are spending Christmas with family. Things get a little sappy for a moment, until Sophia says "What the hell is this, The Waltons?" I love Sophia.
To repay the waiter, they offer to watch the diner for him so he can spend a little time with his family. Which seems like a liability issue waiting to happen, but he's thrilled to take them up on it.
The girls then realize it's snowing- unusual for Miami- and go to put mood music on the jukebox, but Rose hits the wrong button and it's The Beach Boys "Surfin Safari." Dorothy declares, "This Christmas, it fits" and we fade out on a Christmas-Card-esque picture of the four of them gazing out the window.
I need some sleep! Merry Christmas!
Visuals: 3 out of 5
Spirit: 3.5 out of 5
Nostalgia: 3 out of 5
Humor: 5 out of 5
Music: 1 out of 5
Overall: 3.5 out of 5
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Interim frustration...
Well, crap. I had typed up a blog about the He-Man and She-Ra Christmas special, and when I went to post it, it vanished into thin air. Suddenly I wasn't logged in anymore, and the draft didn't save. I guess blogger is not all about He-Man and She-Ra. I'm not watching that thing again, so I'll have to figure out something else.
Friday, December 23, 2011
Twelve Blogs of Christmas #11: A Muppet Family Christmas
My FAVORITE SPECIAL EVER-- so I have to be brief, or else I'll be overly verbose. Seriously, this special is exactly like curling up under a warm blanket and catching up with dear friends. It's the only time ALL THE MUPPETS were ever ALL together.
Bootlegs of this special are very precious, because not only does it not air on TV anymore, it has never been released on dvd in its entirety. A version was released at some point in the 90's, but it was missing FIVE SONGS, y'all. Which caused a massive outcry among fans. And now, all the Muppet franchises within are owned by different companies, so it would be a copyright nightmare to try and release it again.
Begins with the Muppets singing "We Need a Little Christmas" on their way to Fozzie's mother's house, where they will arrive without calling. Unbeknownst to them, Mrs. Bear is planning to spend Christmas in Malibu while renting her house out to Doc from Fraggle Rock.
Animal has two Crowning Moments of Funny in a row-- first "Peace on Earth-- Gimme Presents!" then answering the phone only to declare "oh. Pig." and throw it down. Meanwhile, Sam the Eagle wonders "Why am I here?" I have found myself quoting that more than once.
The chef doesn't want rats and chickens in his kitchen, so they send them up to his bedroom. A turkey has arrived for the holiday, and Gonzo tries to warn him, but the turkey doesn't listen to Gonzo. Kermit and Robin sing "Jingle Bells" which then blends into an Electric Mayhem rendition of "Jingle Bell Rock."
Fozzie builds a snowman and quickly bonds with him, forming a comedy team. They sing a song that kind of resembles "Sleigh Ride." All the woodland animals are chuckling, and so is Doc. Also, by now the "careful of the icy patch" running gag has been established. Just go with it. Oh, and also, it's cold enough to freeze your Winnebago. I always say that when it's really cold, and for some reason, people look at me funny.
Classic line! "I don't care if the turkey says the dog's the turkey! The dog is not the turkey! The turkey's the turkey, you turkey!"
They all watch a video of when they were the Muppet Babies, which defies all laws of continuity, but the Muppets have always played fast and loose with continuity. The baby Muppets sing "Santa Claus is Coming to Town."
The Sesame Street gang arrives caroling (singing "Deck the Halls"), which then leads to my favorite exchange.
"Hi there, we're Ernie and Bert!"
"Well, hi there yourself, I'm Doc."
"Did you know Doc starts with the letter 'D'?"
"Yes."
"And yes starts with the letter 'y'!"
"True..."
"And true starts with the letter 't'!"
"What is this?"
"Where we come from, this is small talk."
The turkey diverts the chef's attention to Big Bird. There is thunder.
The Sesame Street gang puts on a play of "Twas the Night Before Christmas," which leads Sam the Eagle to cry out, "Is nothing sacred?"
Bonds are forming-- Oscar the Grouch welcomes Rizzo the Rat into his can, Animal likes Cookie Monster.
Kermit's starting to worry about Miss Piggy, who hasn't made it to the farmhouse yet, and the weather is starting to get bad. Fozzie wants to cheer Kermit up with a comedy routine, but this plan is ruined by Statler and Waldorf, who have appeared out of nowhere to visit Fozzie's mom, Fozzie just stands there, all "Is my mom having tea with Cthulhu?"
Big Bird gives the chef a gift and they sing "The Christmas Song" together, so the chef decides there will be no bird-eating this Christmas, instead they will all have shredded wheat and cranberry sauce.
Doc sets off to find Miss Piggy, showing what a sweet guy he really is, which always surprised me when I was little- for some reason, I always thought Doc would be mean. I don't know why I thought that, except that the Fraggles were always trying not to be seen by him. Speaking of the Fraggles, Kermit and Robin go through a Fraggle hole and meet them. Robin describes Christmas to the Fraggles as "when you gather together with those you love, and wish each other peace on Earth," which I have always liked, and it sounds like what Jim Henson would have said. The Fraggles are also celebrating an unnamed holiday, which involves them taking turns giving each other the same nice shiny pebble. This year, Mokey gives it to Boober, who then gives it to Robin. They sing a song called "Pass It On," which is an original to the Fraggles, but not to this special.
Miss Piggy arrives, not freezing and sickly like Kermit expects, but in a dog sled, with a fancy white coat and Doc in a costume with a tall fur hat, that I feel like there ought to be a term for, but I don't know what it is. She and Kermit have an actual romantic moment as she sings "There's No Place Like Home for the Holidays," and then she slips on the icy patch.
All the Muppets have a massive carol sing, which is so loud that even the Fraggles come out to investigate. But the special doesn't end there-- first Kermit gives Miss Piggy a live mink (who claims to be her biggest fan) and Robin gives Grover the Fraggle pebble that Boober gave him. And I just now realized that my bootleg is missing a tiny scene of Fozzie's mom hanging his stocking. Well, that's very disheartening. I really thought I had the whole thing. But wait- I have another bootleg around somewhere. I'll have to check that one.
BUT the most important part comes after all of that, after Doc has come in dressed as Santa and the Muppets have begun singing "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" when Jim Henson pokes his head out of the kitchen and says to Sprocket, "Well, they certainly seem to be having a good time out there, Sprocket. I like it when they have a good time." And I tear up a little, because I imagine him saying that now as he looks down at his creations and fans still enjoying his work. Jim Henson cameos were always rare, so this special is a rare and precious gem indeed.
Visuals: 4 out of 5
Spirit: 5 out of 5
Nostalgia: 5 out of 5
Humor: 5 out of 5
Music: 5 out of 5
Overall: 5 out of 5
Bootlegs of this special are very precious, because not only does it not air on TV anymore, it has never been released on dvd in its entirety. A version was released at some point in the 90's, but it was missing FIVE SONGS, y'all. Which caused a massive outcry among fans. And now, all the Muppet franchises within are owned by different companies, so it would be a copyright nightmare to try and release it again.
Begins with the Muppets singing "We Need a Little Christmas" on their way to Fozzie's mother's house, where they will arrive without calling. Unbeknownst to them, Mrs. Bear is planning to spend Christmas in Malibu while renting her house out to Doc from Fraggle Rock.
Animal has two Crowning Moments of Funny in a row-- first "Peace on Earth-- Gimme Presents!" then answering the phone only to declare "oh. Pig." and throw it down. Meanwhile, Sam the Eagle wonders "Why am I here?" I have found myself quoting that more than once.
The chef doesn't want rats and chickens in his kitchen, so they send them up to his bedroom. A turkey has arrived for the holiday, and Gonzo tries to warn him, but the turkey doesn't listen to Gonzo. Kermit and Robin sing "Jingle Bells" which then blends into an Electric Mayhem rendition of "Jingle Bell Rock."
Fozzie builds a snowman and quickly bonds with him, forming a comedy team. They sing a song that kind of resembles "Sleigh Ride." All the woodland animals are chuckling, and so is Doc. Also, by now the "careful of the icy patch" running gag has been established. Just go with it. Oh, and also, it's cold enough to freeze your Winnebago. I always say that when it's really cold, and for some reason, people look at me funny.
Classic line! "I don't care if the turkey says the dog's the turkey! The dog is not the turkey! The turkey's the turkey, you turkey!"
They all watch a video of when they were the Muppet Babies, which defies all laws of continuity, but the Muppets have always played fast and loose with continuity. The baby Muppets sing "Santa Claus is Coming to Town."
The Sesame Street gang arrives caroling (singing "Deck the Halls"), which then leads to my favorite exchange.
"Hi there, we're Ernie and Bert!"
"Well, hi there yourself, I'm Doc."
"Did you know Doc starts with the letter 'D'?"
"Yes."
"And yes starts with the letter 'y'!"
"True..."
"And true starts with the letter 't'!"
"What is this?"
"Where we come from, this is small talk."
The turkey diverts the chef's attention to Big Bird. There is thunder.
The Sesame Street gang puts on a play of "Twas the Night Before Christmas," which leads Sam the Eagle to cry out, "Is nothing sacred?"
Bonds are forming-- Oscar the Grouch welcomes Rizzo the Rat into his can, Animal likes Cookie Monster.
Kermit's starting to worry about Miss Piggy, who hasn't made it to the farmhouse yet, and the weather is starting to get bad. Fozzie wants to cheer Kermit up with a comedy routine, but this plan is ruined by Statler and Waldorf, who have appeared out of nowhere to visit Fozzie's mom, Fozzie just stands there, all "Is my mom having tea with Cthulhu?"
Big Bird gives the chef a gift and they sing "The Christmas Song" together, so the chef decides there will be no bird-eating this Christmas, instead they will all have shredded wheat and cranberry sauce.
Doc sets off to find Miss Piggy, showing what a sweet guy he really is, which always surprised me when I was little- for some reason, I always thought Doc would be mean. I don't know why I thought that, except that the Fraggles were always trying not to be seen by him. Speaking of the Fraggles, Kermit and Robin go through a Fraggle hole and meet them. Robin describes Christmas to the Fraggles as "when you gather together with those you love, and wish each other peace on Earth," which I have always liked, and it sounds like what Jim Henson would have said. The Fraggles are also celebrating an unnamed holiday, which involves them taking turns giving each other the same nice shiny pebble. This year, Mokey gives it to Boober, who then gives it to Robin. They sing a song called "Pass It On," which is an original to the Fraggles, but not to this special.
Miss Piggy arrives, not freezing and sickly like Kermit expects, but in a dog sled, with a fancy white coat and Doc in a costume with a tall fur hat, that I feel like there ought to be a term for, but I don't know what it is. She and Kermit have an actual romantic moment as she sings "There's No Place Like Home for the Holidays," and then she slips on the icy patch.
All the Muppets have a massive carol sing, which is so loud that even the Fraggles come out to investigate. But the special doesn't end there-- first Kermit gives Miss Piggy a live mink (who claims to be her biggest fan) and Robin gives Grover the Fraggle pebble that Boober gave him. And I just now realized that my bootleg is missing a tiny scene of Fozzie's mom hanging his stocking. Well, that's very disheartening. I really thought I had the whole thing. But wait- I have another bootleg around somewhere. I'll have to check that one.
BUT the most important part comes after all of that, after Doc has come in dressed as Santa and the Muppets have begun singing "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" when Jim Henson pokes his head out of the kitchen and says to Sprocket, "Well, they certainly seem to be having a good time out there, Sprocket. I like it when they have a good time." And I tear up a little, because I imagine him saying that now as he looks down at his creations and fans still enjoying his work. Jim Henson cameos were always rare, so this special is a rare and precious gem indeed.
Visuals: 4 out of 5
Spirit: 5 out of 5
Nostalgia: 5 out of 5
Humor: 5 out of 5
Music: 5 out of 5
Overall: 5 out of 5
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Twelve Blogs of Christmas #10: The Smurfs Christmas Special
From 1982, the year I was born, comes this little gem starring everybody's favorite blue creatures and... Satan. You think I'm kidding, but the villain in this story is Satan. They don't come out and say it, but it's pretty clear.
Three things are happening:
1. The smurfs are getting ready for their Christmas celebration.
2. Gargamel is complaining about Christmas and how he hates the smurfs. What is his deal with them? Does he just hate them because they are there? I never understood.
3. Two kids are riding a sleigh with their grandfather, on their way to visit their uncle, when their sleigh is flipped by an encounter with some unseen animal.
From there, these events converge as the kids knock on Gargamel's door for help and tell him that their grandfather is unconscious in the snow. Gargamel slams the door in their faces, because he is a jerk. Meanwhile, the kids' uncle has realized that they should have arrived by now, so he sends out a search party.
Gargamel is still whining when the mysterious dude who is totally Satan shows up at Gargamel's door. He offers to give Gargamel the power to destroy the smurfs if Gargamel kidnaps the children for him. His reason is that the kids' uncle does too much good, and gets in the way of his work. See what I mean?
The children are singing, and the smurfs hear them and rush to their aid. Papa Smurf dispatches the others to find the sleigh, which they do, and the uncle has left a note on it saying that grandpa is okay.
For some reason, the children think Papa Smurf is Santa. They may both wear red and have white beards, but Santa has never been described as tiny and blue. The smurfs all sing a song that says "Goodness makes the badness go away."
Gargamel appears and grabs the children. Poor Azrael is trailing after him through the snow. The smurfs follow and are understandably disturbed to hear that Satan is giving Gargamel the means to destroy the smurf village. Which apparently, based on Gargamel's subsequent actions, involve standing outside the mushroom houses taunting the smurfs, who aren't even home. Oh, ok, he says some words to make the mushrooms shrivel up. Or something.
Gargamel then tries to tell the uncle that the children have been kidnapped so he can collect a reward. Satan is none too pleased to hear this. So he makes a bunch of snakes appear. Yeah, that happened. The smurfs are so freaked out that they're beginning to even worry about Gargamel. Which is fair, because as Gargamel is trying to excuse himself, Satan says, "Someone as nasty as you is always of use to me in my work. Therefore, you'll accompany me and the children on THE FINAL JOURNEY." When the children ask where they are going, he says, "Home. MY HOME" and a ring of fire appears around all of them. SEE?
The smurfs are still close by, and as usual, Papa Smurf knows just what to do. He gets the smurfs to sing their song as loud as they can, because the power of goodness really will make the badness go away. He yells to the kids to join in, and they do, which seems to make the fire go down some. But what really does the trick is when Gargamel joins in. The fire disappears, and so does Satan. And at that exact moment, the uncle and grandfather appear. Gargamel is about to collect his reward when the children tell the uncle that he was mean to them. But then they say not to hurt him, because it's Christmas. Sadly, it does not seem that Gargamel's heart has grown three sizes this day. He runs off, still complaining about things being unfair or something.
Smurf village is still looking sparse, until suddenly it isn't, because it's a Christmas miracle, I guess. And that's pretty much that.
Visuals: 2 out of 5
Spirit: 2 out of 5
Nostalgia: 3 out of 5
Humor: 2 out of 5
Music: 1 out of 5
Overall: 2 out of 5
Three things are happening:
1. The smurfs are getting ready for their Christmas celebration.
2. Gargamel is complaining about Christmas and how he hates the smurfs. What is his deal with them? Does he just hate them because they are there? I never understood.
3. Two kids are riding a sleigh with their grandfather, on their way to visit their uncle, when their sleigh is flipped by an encounter with some unseen animal.
From there, these events converge as the kids knock on Gargamel's door for help and tell him that their grandfather is unconscious in the snow. Gargamel slams the door in their faces, because he is a jerk. Meanwhile, the kids' uncle has realized that they should have arrived by now, so he sends out a search party.
Gargamel is still whining when the mysterious dude who is totally Satan shows up at Gargamel's door. He offers to give Gargamel the power to destroy the smurfs if Gargamel kidnaps the children for him. His reason is that the kids' uncle does too much good, and gets in the way of his work. See what I mean?
The children are singing, and the smurfs hear them and rush to their aid. Papa Smurf dispatches the others to find the sleigh, which they do, and the uncle has left a note on it saying that grandpa is okay.
For some reason, the children think Papa Smurf is Santa. They may both wear red and have white beards, but Santa has never been described as tiny and blue. The smurfs all sing a song that says "Goodness makes the badness go away."
Gargamel appears and grabs the children. Poor Azrael is trailing after him through the snow. The smurfs follow and are understandably disturbed to hear that Satan is giving Gargamel the means to destroy the smurf village. Which apparently, based on Gargamel's subsequent actions, involve standing outside the mushroom houses taunting the smurfs, who aren't even home. Oh, ok, he says some words to make the mushrooms shrivel up. Or something.
Gargamel then tries to tell the uncle that the children have been kidnapped so he can collect a reward. Satan is none too pleased to hear this. So he makes a bunch of snakes appear. Yeah, that happened. The smurfs are so freaked out that they're beginning to even worry about Gargamel. Which is fair, because as Gargamel is trying to excuse himself, Satan says, "Someone as nasty as you is always of use to me in my work. Therefore, you'll accompany me and the children on THE FINAL JOURNEY." When the children ask where they are going, he says, "Home. MY HOME" and a ring of fire appears around all of them. SEE?
The smurfs are still close by, and as usual, Papa Smurf knows just what to do. He gets the smurfs to sing their song as loud as they can, because the power of goodness really will make the badness go away. He yells to the kids to join in, and they do, which seems to make the fire go down some. But what really does the trick is when Gargamel joins in. The fire disappears, and so does Satan. And at that exact moment, the uncle and grandfather appear. Gargamel is about to collect his reward when the children tell the uncle that he was mean to them. But then they say not to hurt him, because it's Christmas. Sadly, it does not seem that Gargamel's heart has grown three sizes this day. He runs off, still complaining about things being unfair or something.
Smurf village is still looking sparse, until suddenly it isn't, because it's a Christmas miracle, I guess. And that's pretty much that.
Visuals: 2 out of 5
Spirit: 2 out of 5
Nostalgia: 3 out of 5
Humor: 2 out of 5
Music: 1 out of 5
Overall: 2 out of 5
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Twelve Blogs of Christmas #9: Scrubs "My Own Personal Jesus"
I have to admit that I've had a little trouble getting into the Christmas spirit this year. I have had to make myself go through my normally much-anticipated rituals, and I haven't even watched some of my very favorite Christmas specials. So, tonight I'm watching an episode about people who are having trouble getting into the spirit, which is what JD opens this first-season episode telling us. Spending all your time in the hospital, including Christmas Eve, kind of puts a damper on holiday festivities. So he's coping with inappropriate bikini fantasies. Of course.
Elliot is working in the free clinic, where Dr. Kelso is being mean and sexist, because that's what he does. Oh, and she has a 19-year-old patient with abdominal pain who turns out to be eight months pregnant and didn't know it. This is only mentioned in dialogue, but it will become important.
JD has an amusing fantasy about being able to fix a patient like the Fonz fixes the jukebox, and then his patient actually does wake up and surprise everyone, which Turk proclaims a miracle. Turk is portrayed as very religious in this episode (not Conservative or obnoxious about it, just very devoted to his faith), and I can't think of a single other episode where that was the case. Maybe it's just not something he talks about except at Christmas time. He tries to get JD and Carla into the spirit by pointing out a bright star in the distance and comparing it to the star of Bethlehem. JD is like, yeah, whatever, that's the Christmas tree in the park. Because symbolism means nothing to him.
Elliot's patient is rhapsodizing about the very tree that the others were just looking at when Elliot drops the pregnancy bombshell. Then, because she wants to prove Kelso was wrong when he said she would eventually turn to a "female specialty," she ditches the patient. Whose name is Meredith, which is my middle name.
In the cafeteria, Turk is wearing antlers and a Rudolph nose and still trying to rally the troops. Laverne, who will later become the show's token outspoken Christian, is as despondent as everyone else. Turk wants JD and Carla to go to Christmas mass with him between night shift and morning shift. Wow, that is dedication. JD is whining about not wanting to go to mass and knocks over a Christmas tree. Yeah... one guess which character is not at all happy about that.
JD is videotaping a birth, but that doesn't have much to do with anything...
Elliot's patient took off; that's not the least bit surprising.
While Turk is trying to sleep in the on call room, we get a little song about what goes on in the hospital on Christmas Eve:
Twelve beaten children
Eleven drive-by shootings
Ten frozen homeless
Nine amputations
Eight burn victims
Seven strangled shoppers
Six random knifings
Five suicides
Four beaten wives
Three O.D.'s
Two shattered skulls
And a drunk who drove into a tree
I think that's kind of the textbook definition of crossing the line from funny into NOT EVEN FUNNY.
By the time the night's over, Turk's spirit has been beaten out of him. He calls off the plans for mass and declares he's NEVER going back. Elliot is trying to track down the pregnant girl, even though it's her day off, but she's not having any luck. And Dr. Kelso is making fun of her. What an ass.
Carla takes Turk up to the rooftop at dusk to try and lift his spirits, but it doesn't work. Just after we see Elliot tell JD that she reached a 911 operator who got a call from a girl in labor but then lost the signal, we're back on the roof, where it's now night time, with Turk, who is sadly playing with his cross necklace when he looks up and sees the star in the park. Something unseen moves him to action. He runs all the way to the tree in the park, where sure enough, Meredith is in labor, alone and scared. They skip over the delivery, so next thing we see is the whole gang surrounding her and her newborn, as well as EMTS. Carla asks Turk how he knew Meredith was there, and he doesn't know how he knew-- he just knew. JD's voiceover states that Turk was right all along, and miracles do happen if you're willing to look for them. He has a weird little moment of imagining all the people there as a nativity scene. We don't see where Meredith and her baby go, as after the fantasy, it's just the four main characters gazing up at the tree. JD earnestly says, "God bless us, every one." And they all call him a big dork, which I guess he deserves. I love him though- except for the inappropriate bikini fantasies.
Visuals: 2 out of 5
Spirit: 3 out of 5
Nostalgia: 1 out of 5
Humor: 4 out of 5
Music: 1 out of 5
Overall: 3.5 out of 5
Elliot is working in the free clinic, where Dr. Kelso is being mean and sexist, because that's what he does. Oh, and she has a 19-year-old patient with abdominal pain who turns out to be eight months pregnant and didn't know it. This is only mentioned in dialogue, but it will become important.
JD has an amusing fantasy about being able to fix a patient like the Fonz fixes the jukebox, and then his patient actually does wake up and surprise everyone, which Turk proclaims a miracle. Turk is portrayed as very religious in this episode (not Conservative or obnoxious about it, just very devoted to his faith), and I can't think of a single other episode where that was the case. Maybe it's just not something he talks about except at Christmas time. He tries to get JD and Carla into the spirit by pointing out a bright star in the distance and comparing it to the star of Bethlehem. JD is like, yeah, whatever, that's the Christmas tree in the park. Because symbolism means nothing to him.
Elliot's patient is rhapsodizing about the very tree that the others were just looking at when Elliot drops the pregnancy bombshell. Then, because she wants to prove Kelso was wrong when he said she would eventually turn to a "female specialty," she ditches the patient. Whose name is Meredith, which is my middle name.
In the cafeteria, Turk is wearing antlers and a Rudolph nose and still trying to rally the troops. Laverne, who will later become the show's token outspoken Christian, is as despondent as everyone else. Turk wants JD and Carla to go to Christmas mass with him between night shift and morning shift. Wow, that is dedication. JD is whining about not wanting to go to mass and knocks over a Christmas tree. Yeah... one guess which character is not at all happy about that.
JD is videotaping a birth, but that doesn't have much to do with anything...
Elliot's patient took off; that's not the least bit surprising.
While Turk is trying to sleep in the on call room, we get a little song about what goes on in the hospital on Christmas Eve:
Twelve beaten children
Eleven drive-by shootings
Ten frozen homeless
Nine amputations
Eight burn victims
Seven strangled shoppers
Six random knifings
Five suicides
Four beaten wives
Three O.D.'s
Two shattered skulls
And a drunk who drove into a tree
I think that's kind of the textbook definition of crossing the line from funny into NOT EVEN FUNNY.
By the time the night's over, Turk's spirit has been beaten out of him. He calls off the plans for mass and declares he's NEVER going back. Elliot is trying to track down the pregnant girl, even though it's her day off, but she's not having any luck. And Dr. Kelso is making fun of her. What an ass.
Carla takes Turk up to the rooftop at dusk to try and lift his spirits, but it doesn't work. Just after we see Elliot tell JD that she reached a 911 operator who got a call from a girl in labor but then lost the signal, we're back on the roof, where it's now night time, with Turk, who is sadly playing with his cross necklace when he looks up and sees the star in the park. Something unseen moves him to action. He runs all the way to the tree in the park, where sure enough, Meredith is in labor, alone and scared. They skip over the delivery, so next thing we see is the whole gang surrounding her and her newborn, as well as EMTS. Carla asks Turk how he knew Meredith was there, and he doesn't know how he knew-- he just knew. JD's voiceover states that Turk was right all along, and miracles do happen if you're willing to look for them. He has a weird little moment of imagining all the people there as a nativity scene. We don't see where Meredith and her baby go, as after the fantasy, it's just the four main characters gazing up at the tree. JD earnestly says, "God bless us, every one." And they all call him a big dork, which I guess he deserves. I love him though- except for the inappropriate bikini fantasies.
Visuals: 2 out of 5
Spirit: 3 out of 5
Nostalgia: 1 out of 5
Humor: 4 out of 5
Music: 1 out of 5
Overall: 3.5 out of 5
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Twelve Blogs of Christmas #8: Family Matters "Christmas is Where the Heart Is"
I think we can all agree that Family Matters was never a great show. It ran the gamut from overly sappy to just freaking weird. I have to admit that when Urkel was at the height of his popularity, I was just at the target age to find him hilarious, so in my mind, there's a weird mix of nostalgia mixed with embarrassment associated with this show.
However. I have a special nostalgia reserved for their Christmas episodes. They always used their trademark sappiness to their advantage when it came to Christmas. I have been disappointed that Nick at Nite has been showing episodes lately, but not Christmas episodes. However, I did manage to find one and DVR it. I don't remember this one specifically, but I'll watch and blog and see what we've got here.
Teaser: Richie taking bribes and telling family members where gifts are hidden.
After opening sequence: It's Christmas Eve. Winslow house is all decked out in Christmas cheer, but the patriarch isn't in the spirit because, he says, Christmas brings out the worst in people. As a cop, he's seeing the bottom of the barrel. Next scene reveals Urkel, wrapping gifts in the Winslow kitchen, who knows why. He's pretty muscular at this point, so I think we're mid-series. Urkel is anal about gift wrapping-- "Gifts are like fish- wrap them badly, and they stink." He's less than impressed with Carl's sloppy attempt to wrap a music box, so he offers to do it for him. I expect him to end up breaking the music box, but, to my surprise, it's Carl that breaks it, by dropping a heavier gift on top of it. Carl appears shell-shocked. Urkel has to gently prod him to go out and buy a new gift. He mentions they'll take the train, and you know as well as I do that sitcom characters only use public transportation when something bad is about to happen.
The people on the train are in very poor spirits. Fistfights, name calling, a drunk guy in a Santa suit, you get the picture. Carl makes the mistake of saying "things can't get any worse." That's NEVER a good thing to say! Immediately, the power goes out and the train grinds to a halt.
In a manner reminiscent of the episode of Full House with Christmas in the airport, Urkel attempts to rally everyone on the train car together to make the best of their predicament. However, he gets a more realistic response than Uncle Jesse did, in that everyone just glares at him like, "who is this nerd, and why won't he shut up?" One person even throws something at him.
Back at the Winslow homestead, the power is out there too. Grandma is reading the Christmas story from the Bible. They're worried about Dad.
Back on the train, Steve is trying to get the train passengers to sing "12 Days of Christmas." Only one guy takes him up on it, giving an enthusiastic "FIVE GOOOOOOOLDEN RIIIIIIIIIINGS." But by the time the song is over, people are threatening him with actual physical violence. Instead of sitting down and shutting up like most people would, he speechifies some more, but this time actually gets somewhere when he starts talking to people-- asks one woman about her grandchildren, another about her engagement ring. These very people who were threatening him moments before begin to soften. He then gets into "Christmas is a feeling, it can be anywhere" part of his speech, and yeah, he's ripping Uncle Jesse off wholesale. And by this time, the whole car has softened, and they set to work decorating a tree that someone had with him. As soon as everyone's spirits have been properly lifted, the train starts moving again. Huzzah! Carl starts singing "Hark the Herald Angel Sings," and this time everyone joins in. We fade out and credits roll without even checking in with the rest of the Winslows.
That... was a lot cheesier than I remembered the Christmas episodes being. Kind of disappointing.
Visuals: 1 out of 5
Spirit: 2 out of 5
Nostalgia: 2 out of 5
Humor: 2 out of 5
Music: 0 out of 5
Overall: 2 out of 5
However. I have a special nostalgia reserved for their Christmas episodes. They always used their trademark sappiness to their advantage when it came to Christmas. I have been disappointed that Nick at Nite has been showing episodes lately, but not Christmas episodes. However, I did manage to find one and DVR it. I don't remember this one specifically, but I'll watch and blog and see what we've got here.
Teaser: Richie taking bribes and telling family members where gifts are hidden.
After opening sequence: It's Christmas Eve. Winslow house is all decked out in Christmas cheer, but the patriarch isn't in the spirit because, he says, Christmas brings out the worst in people. As a cop, he's seeing the bottom of the barrel. Next scene reveals Urkel, wrapping gifts in the Winslow kitchen, who knows why. He's pretty muscular at this point, so I think we're mid-series. Urkel is anal about gift wrapping-- "Gifts are like fish- wrap them badly, and they stink." He's less than impressed with Carl's sloppy attempt to wrap a music box, so he offers to do it for him. I expect him to end up breaking the music box, but, to my surprise, it's Carl that breaks it, by dropping a heavier gift on top of it. Carl appears shell-shocked. Urkel has to gently prod him to go out and buy a new gift. He mentions they'll take the train, and you know as well as I do that sitcom characters only use public transportation when something bad is about to happen.
The people on the train are in very poor spirits. Fistfights, name calling, a drunk guy in a Santa suit, you get the picture. Carl makes the mistake of saying "things can't get any worse." That's NEVER a good thing to say! Immediately, the power goes out and the train grinds to a halt.
In a manner reminiscent of the episode of Full House with Christmas in the airport, Urkel attempts to rally everyone on the train car together to make the best of their predicament. However, he gets a more realistic response than Uncle Jesse did, in that everyone just glares at him like, "who is this nerd, and why won't he shut up?" One person even throws something at him.
Back at the Winslow homestead, the power is out there too. Grandma is reading the Christmas story from the Bible. They're worried about Dad.
Back on the train, Steve is trying to get the train passengers to sing "12 Days of Christmas." Only one guy takes him up on it, giving an enthusiastic "FIVE GOOOOOOOLDEN RIIIIIIIIIINGS." But by the time the song is over, people are threatening him with actual physical violence. Instead of sitting down and shutting up like most people would, he speechifies some more, but this time actually gets somewhere when he starts talking to people-- asks one woman about her grandchildren, another about her engagement ring. These very people who were threatening him moments before begin to soften. He then gets into "Christmas is a feeling, it can be anywhere" part of his speech, and yeah, he's ripping Uncle Jesse off wholesale. And by this time, the whole car has softened, and they set to work decorating a tree that someone had with him. As soon as everyone's spirits have been properly lifted, the train starts moving again. Huzzah! Carl starts singing "Hark the Herald Angel Sings," and this time everyone joins in. We fade out and credits roll without even checking in with the rest of the Winslows.
That... was a lot cheesier than I remembered the Christmas episodes being. Kind of disappointing.
Visuals: 1 out of 5
Spirit: 2 out of 5
Nostalgia: 2 out of 5
Humor: 2 out of 5
Music: 0 out of 5
Overall: 2 out of 5
Monday, December 19, 2011
Twelve Blogs of Christmas #7: The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus
One of the lesser-known Rankin-Bass specials, from 1985. I didn't see it until the late 90's, but quickly fell in love with because of the faerie elements. It's based on a book by L. Frank Baum, which I have never read, but would like to. According to various internet sources that may or may not be correct, this was the last stop-motion Rankin-Bass specials AND the only one without a narrator.
Tingler, a sound nymph, is talking to the Great Ak. Both of them are impressive figures-- they don't look animated at all; they just look like dolls. Which I guess is what they are. Another lady arrives on the scene, and we're told that what's happening, basically, is that the immortals are gathering because tonight will be Santa's last sleigh ride. In other words, Santa's about to kick the bucket. The Great Ak is pitching the idea that Santa be granted immortality. Ladies and gentlemen, your frame story.
So, we flashback to Santa's origins: the Great Ak found a baby in the woods and took it to a lioness to take care of. Kind of like in The Jungle Book. Then one of the faeries, who has awesome turquoise hair and I totally want a doll of her, takes an interest in the child. There's weird editing here where it's hard to tell what's in the frame story and what's in the flashback as the Great Ak is talking--singing, actually-- about immortals and how they were always as they are now, so babies are a foreign concept. The faerie takes custody of the baby, over the lioness's protests. She names him Claus.
There's a not-impressive song with a montage of Claus growing up, though he doesn't appear to be an adult, maybe right around pubescent. The Great Ak tells him he needs to go into the world, because he's a man now. Claus doesn't know what a man is. His faerie mom also teaches him the word "mother", and it's a sweet, if awkward, moment. Also, when this was recorded, it was 47 degrees.
Claus is soaring with the Great Ak to see what's up with the world. They're invisible to all the other mortals. Claus watches some orphans being abused while picking turnips, and then the rich guy bitching about the tur'nip thief and another scamp who wants to le'\arn to read. The horror! Claus is like, WTF? I don't like this world, let's go home." He tells the Great Ak he doesn't want to be mortal, and the Great Ak is like, "um, tough shit." Next up on the tour: some kids training to be samurai, then some homeless orphans begging in the street. Finally, some men at war, fighting amongst themselves for what are known as "causes." Needless to say, Claus is not thrilled with what he's learned about manhood today. But, instead of going back to the woods and hiding under a rock for the rest of his life, as I would be tempted to do, he sets off back into the world, in hopes of making a difference. Tingler accompanies him, as does the lioness. Another montage of Claus aging into a middle-aged man. He appears to be living in cabin, still with Tingler and the lioness, now with the addition of a little black cat named Blinky. One night, a little orphan boy collapses in the snow right outside, so they bring him in to warm up. While he's asleep, Claus carves him a wooden cat that resembles Blinky. Apparently this is the world's first toy. The other orphans are so smitten by the wooden kitty that they sing what seems like a reeeeaaaaaallllllly long song about it, mainly because they keep repeating the same words over and over: "We wanna wake up to a big surprise, a little wooden cat with yellow green eyes..." Which of course leads me to wonder, what if that was the only toy Santa ever learned to make? What if we all got wooden cats for Christmas, every year?
Fortunately, that doesn't happen, and in the next scene, Claus and Tingler and several faerie helpers are hard at work making different toys, when they get a threat thrown through the window from the Agwas. Agwas are sort of vaguely defined scary beings. They make children misbehave. Kind of like the Bad Idea Bears. And they don't want children to have toys. So they keep stealing the toys. But Claus is going to keep making them.
The Great Ak has a confrontation with the Agwas, and they're like, "Whatever, we don't care what you say," so Great Ak goes and gets his axe. And the King of the Agwas is like, "Go forth, Great Dragon, and INCINERATE THEM." Except that's actually what he says, and there really is a dragon. All of this over not wanting children to have toys! Of course, the dragon can't really incinerate the immortals, because, immortal. Yeah. The Agwas are defeated.
So Claus has loaded a bunch of toys onto a sled, but it's too heavy for him to pull. Any guesses as to what the solution might be? Anyone? Yep, REINDEER. It's not explained how they can fly. They get to a house, and it's locked, so what's Claus to do? Yep, chimney. And when he sees stockings hung by the fireplace to dry, why not use that as a place to put surprises? Why not indeed. So simple, so logical. The family knows just where the toys came from, because Claus, now earning the reputation of "Saint," is the only person in the world who can make toys.
The immortal who's in charge of the reindeer agrees that Claus can use them one night a year. And the only reason he has enough toys when the next Christmas (where they came up with that word isn't really discussed-- this special probably pisses Conservatives off) comes around is because they are magically able to recover the toys the Agwas stole.
Back to the frame, where the immortals unanimously decide that Santa is worthy of the mantle of immortality. They bestow it upon him, which looks exactly like placing a glowing blanket over him while he sleeps. But then we see Santa thank the Great Ak
and declare, In all this world there is nothing so beautiful as a happy child.
Visuals: 4 out of 5
Spirit: 3 out of 5
Nostalgia: 2 out of 5
Humor: 1 out of 5
Music: 2 out of 5
Overall: 3 out of 5
Tingler, a sound nymph, is talking to the Great Ak. Both of them are impressive figures-- they don't look animated at all; they just look like dolls. Which I guess is what they are. Another lady arrives on the scene, and we're told that what's happening, basically, is that the immortals are gathering because tonight will be Santa's last sleigh ride. In other words, Santa's about to kick the bucket. The Great Ak is pitching the idea that Santa be granted immortality. Ladies and gentlemen, your frame story.
So, we flashback to Santa's origins: the Great Ak found a baby in the woods and took it to a lioness to take care of. Kind of like in The Jungle Book. Then one of the faeries, who has awesome turquoise hair and I totally want a doll of her, takes an interest in the child. There's weird editing here where it's hard to tell what's in the frame story and what's in the flashback as the Great Ak is talking--singing, actually-- about immortals and how they were always as they are now, so babies are a foreign concept. The faerie takes custody of the baby, over the lioness's protests. She names him Claus.
There's a not-impressive song with a montage of Claus growing up, though he doesn't appear to be an adult, maybe right around pubescent. The Great Ak tells him he needs to go into the world, because he's a man now. Claus doesn't know what a man is. His faerie mom also teaches him the word "mother", and it's a sweet, if awkward, moment. Also, when this was recorded, it was 47 degrees.
Claus is soaring with the Great Ak to see what's up with the world. They're invisible to all the other mortals. Claus watches some orphans being abused while picking turnips, and then the rich guy bitching about the tur'nip thief and another scamp who wants to le'\arn to read. The horror! Claus is like, WTF? I don't like this world, let's go home." He tells the Great Ak he doesn't want to be mortal, and the Great Ak is like, "um, tough shit." Next up on the tour: some kids training to be samurai, then some homeless orphans begging in the street. Finally, some men at war, fighting amongst themselves for what are known as "causes." Needless to say, Claus is not thrilled with what he's learned about manhood today. But, instead of going back to the woods and hiding under a rock for the rest of his life, as I would be tempted to do, he sets off back into the world, in hopes of making a difference. Tingler accompanies him, as does the lioness. Another montage of Claus aging into a middle-aged man. He appears to be living in cabin, still with Tingler and the lioness, now with the addition of a little black cat named Blinky. One night, a little orphan boy collapses in the snow right outside, so they bring him in to warm up. While he's asleep, Claus carves him a wooden cat that resembles Blinky. Apparently this is the world's first toy. The other orphans are so smitten by the wooden kitty that they sing what seems like a reeeeaaaaaallllllly long song about it, mainly because they keep repeating the same words over and over: "We wanna wake up to a big surprise, a little wooden cat with yellow green eyes..." Which of course leads me to wonder, what if that was the only toy Santa ever learned to make? What if we all got wooden cats for Christmas, every year?
Fortunately, that doesn't happen, and in the next scene, Claus and Tingler and several faerie helpers are hard at work making different toys, when they get a threat thrown through the window from the Agwas. Agwas are sort of vaguely defined scary beings. They make children misbehave. Kind of like the Bad Idea Bears. And they don't want children to have toys. So they keep stealing the toys. But Claus is going to keep making them.
The Great Ak has a confrontation with the Agwas, and they're like, "Whatever, we don't care what you say," so Great Ak goes and gets his axe. And the King of the Agwas is like, "Go forth, Great Dragon, and INCINERATE THEM." Except that's actually what he says, and there really is a dragon. All of this over not wanting children to have toys! Of course, the dragon can't really incinerate the immortals, because, immortal. Yeah. The Agwas are defeated.
So Claus has loaded a bunch of toys onto a sled, but it's too heavy for him to pull. Any guesses as to what the solution might be? Anyone? Yep, REINDEER. It's not explained how they can fly. They get to a house, and it's locked, so what's Claus to do? Yep, chimney. And when he sees stockings hung by the fireplace to dry, why not use that as a place to put surprises? Why not indeed. So simple, so logical. The family knows just where the toys came from, because Claus, now earning the reputation of "Saint," is the only person in the world who can make toys.
The immortal who's in charge of the reindeer agrees that Claus can use them one night a year. And the only reason he has enough toys when the next Christmas (where they came up with that word isn't really discussed-- this special probably pisses Conservatives off) comes around is because they are magically able to recover the toys the Agwas stole.
Back to the frame, where the immortals unanimously decide that Santa is worthy of the mantle of immortality. They bestow it upon him, which looks exactly like placing a glowing blanket over him while he sleeps. But then we see Santa thank the Great Ak
and declare, In all this world there is nothing so beautiful as a happy child.
Visuals: 4 out of 5
Spirit: 3 out of 5
Nostalgia: 2 out of 5
Humor: 1 out of 5
Music: 2 out of 5
Overall: 3 out of 5
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