Once again I tried to blog Muppet Family Christmas, but got too overwhelmed. It's hard when every single moment is a Crowning Moment of Awesome (TM). So, I'll do this one, which is almost as awesome. It is really from the good old days of Sesame Street-- 1978, before I was even born.
It begins with a quiet ice skating party. The Muppets are all in costume form (which is a little weird), and they're skating. Big Bird is having trouble, but a little girl helps him and he gets his footing. The other Muppets goof around, and then Oscar gets thrown down stairs. There's a long moment of Oscar's legs sticking out of his can, being thrown down stairs and through thin walls. I'm guessing that was fun to film (that is not sarcasm). And I guess that makes Oscar cranky, because he decides to plant worries in Big Bird's head about how Santa Claus gets down the skinny little chimneys on Sesame Street.
Song: "True Blue Miracle." Love this song, and all the visuals-- everyone on Sesame Street looks genuinely happy.
Bert is in the bathtub trying to think what to get Ernie for Christmas. He decides on a soapdish to keep Rubber Duckie in. Ernie decides to get Bert a cigar box for his paper clip collection.
Bob sings a song that makes me sleepy. And then we're at Hooper's Store, where Ernie trades his rubber duckie for a cigar box, and Bert trades his paper clip collection for a soapdish. Does this seem like a familiar story? Oh, yes, it does. It is not discussed why Bert and Ernie are broke.
Kermit is reporting on kids' ideas of how Santa gets down the chimney. My favorite is "Santa sneaks in with the other relatives at Thanksgiving and hides in the laundry until Christmas."
Cookie Monster is trying to write his letter to Santa (on Christmas Eve, what a procrastinator!), but he eats his pencil. Then he eats his typewriter.
Oscar sings a grouchy song called "I Hate Christmas," which includes the line, "I'll tell him where to put his toys!" Oh my... I don't see that one flying with today's Moral Guardian parents.
Bert and Ernie's again. They exchange gifts, and panic a bit over the gift's uselessness-- but Mr. Hooper knocks just in time with gifts for Ernie and Bert-- their rubber duckie and paper clips, of course. Aw. Thank you, Mr. Hooper, for brightening up a usually dark tale. They sing "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas."
Cookie Monster has decided to call Santa-- how does he have his phone number? Santa himself even answers-- no secretary or anything! Unfortunately, Cookie has already eaten the phone.
Cookie is talking to Gordon, who is sure Santa knows to bring cookies, but suggests Cookie might want to leave something for Santa. Cookie wants to leave Santa a necktie, which makes me laugh out loud, because Frank Oz has fantastic comic timing as Cookie Monster. Or maybe because the idea of leaving Santa a necktie is just fantastically silly.
Big Bird has gone to the roof to look for Santa. The rest of Sesame Street is in a panic looking for him. Maria yells at Oscar for starting all this. Poor Big Bird falls asleep and wakes up with icicles on his beak. So he decides to go down to Gordon and Susan's to warm up. Of course, Santa has already come to Gordon and Susan's apartment. Big Bird still wants answers, but Gordon tells him to just believe.
We fade out with a song: "Keep Christmas With You." Oh, and Cookie Monster ate the tree.
Visuals: 4 out of 5
Spirit: 4 out of 5
Nostalgia: 4 out of 5
Humor: 4 out of 5
Music: 4 out of 5
Overall: 4 out of 5
Well, I guess that's my 25 Days of Christmas! Suck it, ABC Family. May post more (after all, Christmas isn't over until January 6th, and grad school doesn't start up again until the 12th), but I've met my quota. Oh, and I've also watched specials/movies/episodes that I didn't blog...
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Christmas Vacation Installment #24: Scrooged
I had never seen this before, so Devon made me watch it. It's a 1988 retelling of A Christmas Carol.
Santa's workshop-- the elves have pointy hats like David the Gnome, and I'm confused as to why we're in Santa's workshop. They get attacked (it's not clear by who), so they bust out the firearms. Lee Majors shows up to protect them. This is, of course, a promo for a movie: The Night the Reindeer Died. Corrupt executive Frank Cross (Bill Murray) is not impressed. Next he sees the promo for the live televised production of A Christmas Carol that the station is airing on Christmas Eve. That seems like a terrible idea, but one that would probably draw in viewers.
He pronounces the promo sucky, and I kind of agree. He screams at his minions, and demands a violent, frightening promo. Minion with glasses doesn't understand why they would scare people. So Frank fires him, because he's Scrooge. Get it?
Frank is getting towels for everyone he knows for Christmas . Including his secretary and his brother. His secretary has a son, who can't speak.
A rotting corpse busts in on Frank. Frank shoots at him, but he's unaffected. He has a golf ball stuck in his head. It falls, and a mouse runs in and out of the hole it left. Ew. He's Frank's former boss, and the Marley figure. He tells Frank to expect the first ghost at noon. Daylight ghosts? Weird. Bill is thrown from the window, but wakes up in a chair. With a golf ball in his mouth. Ew again.
We see Secretary (Grace) at home with her kids, of which she has many. They don't have a Christmas tree because they can't afford one. I guess she's the Cratchit of this piece. Meanwhile, an old woman has died watching the violent promo, and Frank sees this as a good thing.
Love Interest (Claire) is in town. She won't let Frank staple antlers to a mouse. Seems reasonable to me. Grace brought her son to the studio. Frank yells at her, of course.
Business lunch-- eyeball in the water glass. Frank screams bloody murder, and everyone thinks he's insane. A gentleman across the restaurant appears to catch fire. Frank throws water on him, but he wasn't on fire at all. Frank hops a cab, and who should be driving it, but the Ghost of Christmas Past. It's on his license and everything! In the past, we see Frank as a four-year-old glued to the TV, receiving only veal for Christmas. Then we see him at a workplace Christmas party, rocking a mullet. Then he meets Claire when she hits him in the head with a door. Then, another Christmas with Claire. He gives her knives, she gives him the Kama Sutra. They're happy, but it's not to last. She dumps him, while he's dressed as a dog.
When he comes back to the present, Frank is watching Belle dump Ebenezer Scrooge in the dress rehearsal of the live show. Weird... they're just beating me upside the head with the parallels. This is a very different approach to retelling a story. Frank screams all the way to Claire's workplace-- a homeless shelter. The homeless people welcome him with open arms. Claire is also happy to see him, but when she won't stop working for him, he storms out.
The Ghost of Christmas Present looks like a combination of the Sugar Plum faerie and Glinda the Good Witch. And has a very annoying voice.
We see Grace's family celebrating. Ghost explains that the little boy hasn't spoken since he saw his father killed. Frank never even knew that anything happened to Grace's husband. Next, Frank's brother's house, where they are making merry. Frank's brother toasts to Frank-- interesting variant on the original.
The ghost hits Frank with a toaster. He sees a homeless man that he spoke to at the shelter, now frozen to death.
The actual live broadcast is starting. Frank freaks out at seeing the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come, but it's just the costumed one for the show. The actual ghost is coming out of the monitors and looking terrifying when the guy who was fired at the beginning comes in with a shotgun-- but that's resolved rather quickly. The actual ghost is freaking creepy. It shows Grace's little boy as a teenager, locked in a mental institution, then Claire looking and acting like Cruella De Vil. Then we see Frank's funeral, with only his brother and sister-in-law in attendance. Somehow, Frank gets trapped in the coffin and is about to be cremated alive, when suddenly he's in the elevator and happy to be alive.
He makes amends with Fired Guy, then takes over the live show while Fired Guy uses the shotgun to make sure nobody stops him. Why, he asks, are you people watching TV on Christmas Eve? And he makes pleas for forgiveness. And really, babbles incoherently for quite a while-- it's an awkward scene. But when he's done babbling, Grace's little boy speaks-- to remind Frank to say "God bless us, every one." Aww...
We see all the Christmas ghosts partying, along with the homeless guy. Aw again!
Bill Murray ends the movie with more babbling, including randomly saying "Feed me, Seymour!" I definitely think he was improvising.
Visuals: 5 out of 5
Spirit: 4 out of 5
Nostalgia: 1 out of 5
Humor: 3 out of 5
Music: 0 out of 5
Overall: 3.5 out of 5
Santa's workshop-- the elves have pointy hats like David the Gnome, and I'm confused as to why we're in Santa's workshop. They get attacked (it's not clear by who), so they bust out the firearms. Lee Majors shows up to protect them. This is, of course, a promo for a movie: The Night the Reindeer Died. Corrupt executive Frank Cross (Bill Murray) is not impressed. Next he sees the promo for the live televised production of A Christmas Carol that the station is airing on Christmas Eve. That seems like a terrible idea, but one that would probably draw in viewers.
He pronounces the promo sucky, and I kind of agree. He screams at his minions, and demands a violent, frightening promo. Minion with glasses doesn't understand why they would scare people. So Frank fires him, because he's Scrooge. Get it?
Frank is getting towels for everyone he knows for Christmas . Including his secretary and his brother. His secretary has a son, who can't speak.
A rotting corpse busts in on Frank. Frank shoots at him, but he's unaffected. He has a golf ball stuck in his head. It falls, and a mouse runs in and out of the hole it left. Ew. He's Frank's former boss, and the Marley figure. He tells Frank to expect the first ghost at noon. Daylight ghosts? Weird. Bill is thrown from the window, but wakes up in a chair. With a golf ball in his mouth. Ew again.
We see Secretary (Grace) at home with her kids, of which she has many. They don't have a Christmas tree because they can't afford one. I guess she's the Cratchit of this piece. Meanwhile, an old woman has died watching the violent promo, and Frank sees this as a good thing.
Love Interest (Claire) is in town. She won't let Frank staple antlers to a mouse. Seems reasonable to me. Grace brought her son to the studio. Frank yells at her, of course.
Business lunch-- eyeball in the water glass. Frank screams bloody murder, and everyone thinks he's insane. A gentleman across the restaurant appears to catch fire. Frank throws water on him, but he wasn't on fire at all. Frank hops a cab, and who should be driving it, but the Ghost of Christmas Past. It's on his license and everything! In the past, we see Frank as a four-year-old glued to the TV, receiving only veal for Christmas. Then we see him at a workplace Christmas party, rocking a mullet. Then he meets Claire when she hits him in the head with a door. Then, another Christmas with Claire. He gives her knives, she gives him the Kama Sutra. They're happy, but it's not to last. She dumps him, while he's dressed as a dog.
When he comes back to the present, Frank is watching Belle dump Ebenezer Scrooge in the dress rehearsal of the live show. Weird... they're just beating me upside the head with the parallels. This is a very different approach to retelling a story. Frank screams all the way to Claire's workplace-- a homeless shelter. The homeless people welcome him with open arms. Claire is also happy to see him, but when she won't stop working for him, he storms out.
The Ghost of Christmas Present looks like a combination of the Sugar Plum faerie and Glinda the Good Witch. And has a very annoying voice.
We see Grace's family celebrating. Ghost explains that the little boy hasn't spoken since he saw his father killed. Frank never even knew that anything happened to Grace's husband. Next, Frank's brother's house, where they are making merry. Frank's brother toasts to Frank-- interesting variant on the original.
The ghost hits Frank with a toaster. He sees a homeless man that he spoke to at the shelter, now frozen to death.
The actual live broadcast is starting. Frank freaks out at seeing the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come, but it's just the costumed one for the show. The actual ghost is coming out of the monitors and looking terrifying when the guy who was fired at the beginning comes in with a shotgun-- but that's resolved rather quickly. The actual ghost is freaking creepy. It shows Grace's little boy as a teenager, locked in a mental institution, then Claire looking and acting like Cruella De Vil. Then we see Frank's funeral, with only his brother and sister-in-law in attendance. Somehow, Frank gets trapped in the coffin and is about to be cremated alive, when suddenly he's in the elevator and happy to be alive.
He makes amends with Fired Guy, then takes over the live show while Fired Guy uses the shotgun to make sure nobody stops him. Why, he asks, are you people watching TV on Christmas Eve? And he makes pleas for forgiveness. And really, babbles incoherently for quite a while-- it's an awkward scene. But when he's done babbling, Grace's little boy speaks-- to remind Frank to say "God bless us, every one." Aww...
We see all the Christmas ghosts partying, along with the homeless guy. Aw again!
Bill Murray ends the movie with more babbling, including randomly saying "Feed me, Seymour!" I definitely think he was improvising.
Visuals: 5 out of 5
Spirit: 4 out of 5
Nostalgia: 1 out of 5
Humor: 3 out of 5
Music: 0 out of 5
Overall: 3.5 out of 5
Christmas Vacation Installment #23: Claymation Christmas
Okay, time for something lighthearted. One of the first Christmas specials I can remember watching. Two dinosaurs hosting segments that depict different Christmas songs-- and this special has permanently affected how I think of a lot of these songs.
A group of dogs stroll by the two dinos singing "Here we come a-waffling." The T-Rex in a tux (the straightman of the two dinos) tells them it's supposed to be "wassailing" but doesn't know what that means.
First song: "We Three Kings", in which each king gets his verse and the camels sing the chorus, jazzing it up considerably.
The non-t-rex dinosaur is still obsessing over waffles as it's time to introduce "Carol of the Bells," as performed by a bunch of living bells who ring by hitting themselves in the head with mallets, under the conduction of Quasimodo. I don't know why. One bell is not quite cooperating. He throws his mallet out for some reason, so Quasimodo ends the song by hitting him with a slingshot.
Commercial for My First Sony. Hi, old tape from the 80's.
Next up: "O Christmas Tree." But not before some ducks sing "Here we come a-waddling." This was very amusing when I was five, I swear! "O Christmas Tree" shows some kids decorating their tree, and one of their ornaments provides a glimpse into a family of gingerbread people, and their tree shows us Santa's workshop. Good Claymation effects in this one. Remember when there was no CGI? The workshop tree shows us Santa himself, and then we are back where we started.
Next: "Angels We Have Heard on High"-- only, just the instrumentals of it, accompanying an interpretative ice ballet by two walruses. Cute but very random.
Some pigs come "a-wallowing." See, it's a running gag thing. The dinos introduce "Joy to the World," saying it was penned by a fifteen-year-old boy. This special is surprisingly educational. I always found the "Joy to the World" segment kind of boring, it's just painted images that move to the music, but it is impressive animation.
The T-Rex is getting very frustrated that no one will accept that "wassail" is the correct term. Time for a cameo from some famous claymation characters: the California Raisins. Singing "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer." While waiting for a cab, or something. One minute they're laughing and ribbing each other like a group of young musicians might be expected to, then they're singing "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer." The number ends with the raisins taking flight. Oooookkkk.
T-Rex is still having a meltdown. Finally, a group of elves show up singing the song correctly. They explain that wassailing means going around the neighborhood, singing Christmas carols, and receiving drinks. Everyone joins in to sing the song together, and sing it correctly. By the end of the special, the non-T-Rex dino has grown extraordinarily fat, which just seems unnecessary and dumb.
Some things from your childhood always stay good and fresh. This is not one of them. Some of the songs are good, but the dinos are stupid.
Visuals: 3 out of 5
Spirit: 3 out of 5
Nostalgia: 4 out of 5
Humor: 1 out of 5
Music: 4 out of 5
Overall: 3 out of 5
A group of dogs stroll by the two dinos singing "Here we come a-waffling." The T-Rex in a tux (the straightman of the two dinos) tells them it's supposed to be "wassailing" but doesn't know what that means.
First song: "We Three Kings", in which each king gets his verse and the camels sing the chorus, jazzing it up considerably.
The non-t-rex dinosaur is still obsessing over waffles as it's time to introduce "Carol of the Bells," as performed by a bunch of living bells who ring by hitting themselves in the head with mallets, under the conduction of Quasimodo. I don't know why. One bell is not quite cooperating. He throws his mallet out for some reason, so Quasimodo ends the song by hitting him with a slingshot.
Commercial for My First Sony. Hi, old tape from the 80's.
Next up: "O Christmas Tree." But not before some ducks sing "Here we come a-waddling." This was very amusing when I was five, I swear! "O Christmas Tree" shows some kids decorating their tree, and one of their ornaments provides a glimpse into a family of gingerbread people, and their tree shows us Santa's workshop. Good Claymation effects in this one. Remember when there was no CGI? The workshop tree shows us Santa himself, and then we are back where we started.
Next: "Angels We Have Heard on High"-- only, just the instrumentals of it, accompanying an interpretative ice ballet by two walruses. Cute but very random.
Some pigs come "a-wallowing." See, it's a running gag thing. The dinos introduce "Joy to the World," saying it was penned by a fifteen-year-old boy. This special is surprisingly educational. I always found the "Joy to the World" segment kind of boring, it's just painted images that move to the music, but it is impressive animation.
The T-Rex is getting very frustrated that no one will accept that "wassail" is the correct term. Time for a cameo from some famous claymation characters: the California Raisins. Singing "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer." While waiting for a cab, or something. One minute they're laughing and ribbing each other like a group of young musicians might be expected to, then they're singing "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer." The number ends with the raisins taking flight. Oooookkkk.
T-Rex is still having a meltdown. Finally, a group of elves show up singing the song correctly. They explain that wassailing means going around the neighborhood, singing Christmas carols, and receiving drinks. Everyone joins in to sing the song together, and sing it correctly. By the end of the special, the non-T-Rex dino has grown extraordinarily fat, which just seems unnecessary and dumb.
Some things from your childhood always stay good and fresh. This is not one of them. Some of the songs are good, but the dinos are stupid.
Visuals: 3 out of 5
Spirit: 3 out of 5
Nostalgia: 4 out of 5
Humor: 1 out of 5
Music: 4 out of 5
Overall: 3 out of 5
Christmas Vacation Installment #22: My So-Called Life "So-Called Angels"
In case anyone didn't know, My So-Called Life was the best show that ever was (yes, even better than Buffy, because Buffy took a lot from it, by Joss Whedon's admission) and was sadly ripped away before its time. But, it knew the force, that one, because once struck down, it became more powerful than anyone could imagine.
And when My So-Called Life did a Christmas episode, it wasn't a fancy, sparkly lighthearted affair-- it was a realistic, socially relevant, heartbreaking hour of TV.
We begin by hearing the prayers of what sound like lost souls, or lost children, very unusual for this show. And then we see Rickie, the gay male teen character, alone and sobbing on the street. A young girl (played by Juliana Hatfield) watches him from afar with a guitar, strumming out "Silent Night", then we cut to our main protagonist, Angela Chase, playing the same song on the piano, while her family bustles about talking about politics of gifts and cards. Angela's jealous little sister Danielle comments on Angela's new warm boots, and then, apropos of nothing, Angela makes her parents very uncomfortable by asking why the family never goes to church and if that means they do or do not believe in God. Her parents hem and haw for a few minutes, and then Danielle shuts them all up by saying "Do we have to keep talking about religion? It's Christmas!" Hee.
At school, Angela is troubled by Rickie's bruised up face. Rayanne shrugs it off, saying Rickie has a tendency to get beat up and doesn't love talking about it. I never realized when I was younger that that meant Rickie was routinely being beaten up for being gay. I'm not sure what I thought instead. I comprehended that Rickie was shunned by his family for that reason, and I guess I just thought that he spent a lot of time outside as a result, and stuff happened.
Sharon Cherski is stressed. Brian Krakow is bummed out. In the next scene, the Chase parents are discussing that Brian's parents went on a cruise and left Brian at home. Patty is appalled that they left him over Christmas, even though they're Jewish. Then she says that what she wants for Christmas is for the family to go to church. I guess Angela's questions got to her.
Rickie shows up outside the Chases' house, claiming that he went from Rayanne's to Brian's to there. And he's starving. Claims that eating lunch slipped his mind. Angela knows something's up. When her parents come home and question what's going on, Angela tells him that she doesn't think he has anywhere to go. They don't think it's their place to interfere. He overhears them, and slips out the back door. Not cool, Chase parents.
Rickie runs into Jordan Catalano, who knows a place Rickie can crash, and then reveals, without even asking what's up with the bruise, "My old man used to knock me around too." Rickie offers to light a candle for Jordan on Christmas Eve. Jordan doesn't see the point. We see Juliana Hatfield watching again. Her character is never given a name.
The Chase parents are talking in their bedroom while It's a Wonderful Life plays silently in the background. They wonder if they were wrong. Graham makes the excellent point that they would have reacted very differently if Brian Krakow (who has been their neighbor since he was five) had come into their home with that bruise on his face, and should that make a difference? Patty answers very truthfully: "Maybe not. But it does."
Back at school. Angela still freaking out. Rayanne still telling her to chill out. Sharon still stressed. Brian still depressed. Sharon desperately wants him to volunteer on the help line with her Christmas Eve, and he won't do it. Because he actually needs help himself, and since he's generally a model of a functional teenager (good parents, good grades, liked by teachers), no one notices. Sharon has a meltdown in the girls' room, and to her surprise Rayanne actually listens (while peeing, but still listening), then she reveals to Sharon that she has holiday stress of her own and would rather not spend Christmas Eve with her mom and mom's obnoxious boyfriend. Sharon has a plan!
Angela is in the empty hallways when she hears a song. It's Juliana Hatfield, playing an original song, which if you had the soundtrack, you know is called "Make It Home." She and Angela talk. Juliana Hatfield complains about her feet being cold, because her shoes are worn through. Then she says "You're Angela, right? You're a friend of Rickie's? You don't have to worry. I've been looking out for him." Then the bell rings, and Juliana Hatfield disappears into the crowd. Angela searches for her in hopes of finding out where Rickie is. Instead she finds Jordan, who actually knows where Rickie is.
Rickie is, in fact, in an abandoned warehouse densely populated by homeless teens and runaways. A haunting echo of "Make It Home" plays as Angela searches amongst lit candles and makeshift sleeping areas. This all looks very different to a social worker in the making than it did to a middle class twelve-year-old. Yet it packed just as powerful of a punch then as it does now. Angela finds Juliana Hatfield, singing again, and says hi, but in response, JH silently leads her to the room where Rickie is sleeping. Rickie is not happy to see Angela. He refuses to leave with her, because he thinks her parents don't want him around. He shoos Angela away. He doesn't want help. And I cry, because that's exactly how it is with teen runaways.
Angela then finds JH sleeping, and leaves her own new, warm boots in place of JH's worn through ones. Then she arrives back home, where her family (plus Brian) have put up the tree. Angela kind of snots at Brian for being there, but then she lets down her guard and tells him all about Rickie and the abandoned warehouse. While her parents listen from the kitchen. Their next stop: Department of Children's Services. The man there asks them if Rickie is a runaway or a throwaway. Patty and Graham are shocked that the term "throwaway" exists. Patty looks over all the missing child posters on the wall. Juliana Hatfield's picture is among them. The man reminds them to keep their own daughter close.
I have to take a break. This is really getting to me.
Okay, I called my brother and left a message, combed my hair, took some pictures of the cats (one's sleeping on my suitcase, the other one the gift wrap station-- think they don't want us to leave?), used the bathroom, reheated some pasta, and got a ginger ale. Now the show must go on.
Patty returns to the Chase homestead to find Angela has set the table. Very nicely. For six. Her reason? She wants to bring Rickie and "that girl" over for Christmas Eve dinner. Patty tells her she is not allowed to go back to the warehouse. Angela is not pleased to learn her parents have gone to the authorities, which I suppose is a normal reaction, although her insistence that "We have to warn them" is obviously immature. Patty gets very upset when Angela says of the girl, "She could be me." A moment later, Patty describes the fight with Angela as "One of those fights where it doesn't even seem real, it seems like the fight is having you." When Graham relays that Danielle said Angela went out for a walk, Patty flies at the door.
Angela is at the warehouse looking for Rickie, and suddenly a flashlight is shining at her and she is told "Don't be scared. You're coming with us." When I was twelve, I didn't understand why she couldn't just tell them she had a home and was just looking for someone-- now I know they wouldn't believe her.
Patty goes out looking for Angela, leaving Graham behind in case Angela calls, along with Brian, and Danielle, who wonders why no one will tell her what's going on. I often feel that way in my family. 'Tis the cross we little sisters must bear: the cross of being left in the dark.
Brian calls the helpline. Rayanne answers. Brian calls himself "Steve" and ends up crying because he's lonely. Rayanne responds by pretending to be a phone sex operator. Yeah, okay, guess this episode needed some comic relief.
Angela calls home, apologizes, and tells her dad she's in a basement of a church. Random, but that's where "they" brought everyone from the warehouse. Graham tells Danielle and Brian, "we're going to church."
Patty is searching for Angela, and getting hysterical. She runs into Juliana Hatfield, and comments, "My daughter has boots just like those." JH replies, "I know, because I'm no different from her. I had a mom, clean sheets, all of that. Another toss of the dice, I could be in her shoes, she could be in mine." I never really thought about how that was literally true, that they were in each other's shoes. Patty says under her breath, "There but for the grace of God..." and then asks JH why she left home. JH says she had a fight with her mom, the kind where it seems like the fight is having you.
JH: What else do you want to know?
Patty: How did you die?
JH: I froze.
Patty looks heavenward and asks for God's help. JH is gone. I have always wondered how Patty knew she was looking at an angel. An angel sent not only to watch over Rickie, but to show the others that runaways were not horrible screwed up kids with unfixable problems, but regular kids whose circumstances just got messed up.
And that's the last dialogue in the episode, which is very powerful.
Patty walks into the church and sees Rickie lighting candles. She just goes to him, wordlessly, and takes his hand, and he collapses against her. As Angela enters the room and sees her mother and Rickie, a choir sings "I feel like going home." Angela runs to hug Rickie, and Patty breathes the biggest sigh of relief ever. Great acting by Bess Armstrong. Graham walks in with Brian and Danielle, and Patty looks thrilled to see him. Graham crosses himself before he sits, which is a nice character touch.
Brief montage, wherein we see Sharon and Rayanne laughing and eating at the helpline, Jordan lighting a candle in what looks like a loft, the Chases and company walking out of the church, and Juliana Hatfield watching from above. She turns, looks up, and then flies away, revealing her feathered wings. I wonder if her wings were hidden until now, or if she just earned them? Never thought of that before.
PSA for the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, and then credits.
Visuals: 4 out of 5
Spirit: 4 out of 5
Nostalgia: 4 out of 5
Humor: 2 out of 5
Music: 3 out of 5
Overall: 4 out of 5
And when My So-Called Life did a Christmas episode, it wasn't a fancy, sparkly lighthearted affair-- it was a realistic, socially relevant, heartbreaking hour of TV.
We begin by hearing the prayers of what sound like lost souls, or lost children, very unusual for this show. And then we see Rickie, the gay male teen character, alone and sobbing on the street. A young girl (played by Juliana Hatfield) watches him from afar with a guitar, strumming out "Silent Night", then we cut to our main protagonist, Angela Chase, playing the same song on the piano, while her family bustles about talking about politics of gifts and cards. Angela's jealous little sister Danielle comments on Angela's new warm boots, and then, apropos of nothing, Angela makes her parents very uncomfortable by asking why the family never goes to church and if that means they do or do not believe in God. Her parents hem and haw for a few minutes, and then Danielle shuts them all up by saying "Do we have to keep talking about religion? It's Christmas!" Hee.
At school, Angela is troubled by Rickie's bruised up face. Rayanne shrugs it off, saying Rickie has a tendency to get beat up and doesn't love talking about it. I never realized when I was younger that that meant Rickie was routinely being beaten up for being gay. I'm not sure what I thought instead. I comprehended that Rickie was shunned by his family for that reason, and I guess I just thought that he spent a lot of time outside as a result, and stuff happened.
Sharon Cherski is stressed. Brian Krakow is bummed out. In the next scene, the Chase parents are discussing that Brian's parents went on a cruise and left Brian at home. Patty is appalled that they left him over Christmas, even though they're Jewish. Then she says that what she wants for Christmas is for the family to go to church. I guess Angela's questions got to her.
Rickie shows up outside the Chases' house, claiming that he went from Rayanne's to Brian's to there. And he's starving. Claims that eating lunch slipped his mind. Angela knows something's up. When her parents come home and question what's going on, Angela tells him that she doesn't think he has anywhere to go. They don't think it's their place to interfere. He overhears them, and slips out the back door. Not cool, Chase parents.
Rickie runs into Jordan Catalano, who knows a place Rickie can crash, and then reveals, without even asking what's up with the bruise, "My old man used to knock me around too." Rickie offers to light a candle for Jordan on Christmas Eve. Jordan doesn't see the point. We see Juliana Hatfield watching again. Her character is never given a name.
The Chase parents are talking in their bedroom while It's a Wonderful Life plays silently in the background. They wonder if they were wrong. Graham makes the excellent point that they would have reacted very differently if Brian Krakow (who has been their neighbor since he was five) had come into their home with that bruise on his face, and should that make a difference? Patty answers very truthfully: "Maybe not. But it does."
Back at school. Angela still freaking out. Rayanne still telling her to chill out. Sharon still stressed. Brian still depressed. Sharon desperately wants him to volunteer on the help line with her Christmas Eve, and he won't do it. Because he actually needs help himself, and since he's generally a model of a functional teenager (good parents, good grades, liked by teachers), no one notices. Sharon has a meltdown in the girls' room, and to her surprise Rayanne actually listens (while peeing, but still listening), then she reveals to Sharon that she has holiday stress of her own and would rather not spend Christmas Eve with her mom and mom's obnoxious boyfriend. Sharon has a plan!
Angela is in the empty hallways when she hears a song. It's Juliana Hatfield, playing an original song, which if you had the soundtrack, you know is called "Make It Home." She and Angela talk. Juliana Hatfield complains about her feet being cold, because her shoes are worn through. Then she says "You're Angela, right? You're a friend of Rickie's? You don't have to worry. I've been looking out for him." Then the bell rings, and Juliana Hatfield disappears into the crowd. Angela searches for her in hopes of finding out where Rickie is. Instead she finds Jordan, who actually knows where Rickie is.
Rickie is, in fact, in an abandoned warehouse densely populated by homeless teens and runaways. A haunting echo of "Make It Home" plays as Angela searches amongst lit candles and makeshift sleeping areas. This all looks very different to a social worker in the making than it did to a middle class twelve-year-old. Yet it packed just as powerful of a punch then as it does now. Angela finds Juliana Hatfield, singing again, and says hi, but in response, JH silently leads her to the room where Rickie is sleeping. Rickie is not happy to see Angela. He refuses to leave with her, because he thinks her parents don't want him around. He shoos Angela away. He doesn't want help. And I cry, because that's exactly how it is with teen runaways.
Angela then finds JH sleeping, and leaves her own new, warm boots in place of JH's worn through ones. Then she arrives back home, where her family (plus Brian) have put up the tree. Angela kind of snots at Brian for being there, but then she lets down her guard and tells him all about Rickie and the abandoned warehouse. While her parents listen from the kitchen. Their next stop: Department of Children's Services. The man there asks them if Rickie is a runaway or a throwaway. Patty and Graham are shocked that the term "throwaway" exists. Patty looks over all the missing child posters on the wall. Juliana Hatfield's picture is among them. The man reminds them to keep their own daughter close.
I have to take a break. This is really getting to me.
Okay, I called my brother and left a message, combed my hair, took some pictures of the cats (one's sleeping on my suitcase, the other one the gift wrap station-- think they don't want us to leave?), used the bathroom, reheated some pasta, and got a ginger ale. Now the show must go on.
Patty returns to the Chase homestead to find Angela has set the table. Very nicely. For six. Her reason? She wants to bring Rickie and "that girl" over for Christmas Eve dinner. Patty tells her she is not allowed to go back to the warehouse. Angela is not pleased to learn her parents have gone to the authorities, which I suppose is a normal reaction, although her insistence that "We have to warn them" is obviously immature. Patty gets very upset when Angela says of the girl, "She could be me." A moment later, Patty describes the fight with Angela as "One of those fights where it doesn't even seem real, it seems like the fight is having you." When Graham relays that Danielle said Angela went out for a walk, Patty flies at the door.
Angela is at the warehouse looking for Rickie, and suddenly a flashlight is shining at her and she is told "Don't be scared. You're coming with us." When I was twelve, I didn't understand why she couldn't just tell them she had a home and was just looking for someone-- now I know they wouldn't believe her.
Patty goes out looking for Angela, leaving Graham behind in case Angela calls, along with Brian, and Danielle, who wonders why no one will tell her what's going on. I often feel that way in my family. 'Tis the cross we little sisters must bear: the cross of being left in the dark.
Brian calls the helpline. Rayanne answers. Brian calls himself "Steve" and ends up crying because he's lonely. Rayanne responds by pretending to be a phone sex operator. Yeah, okay, guess this episode needed some comic relief.
Angela calls home, apologizes, and tells her dad she's in a basement of a church. Random, but that's where "they" brought everyone from the warehouse. Graham tells Danielle and Brian, "we're going to church."
Patty is searching for Angela, and getting hysterical. She runs into Juliana Hatfield, and comments, "My daughter has boots just like those." JH replies, "I know, because I'm no different from her. I had a mom, clean sheets, all of that. Another toss of the dice, I could be in her shoes, she could be in mine." I never really thought about how that was literally true, that they were in each other's shoes. Patty says under her breath, "There but for the grace of God..." and then asks JH why she left home. JH says she had a fight with her mom, the kind where it seems like the fight is having you.
JH: What else do you want to know?
Patty: How did you die?
JH: I froze.
Patty looks heavenward and asks for God's help. JH is gone. I have always wondered how Patty knew she was looking at an angel. An angel sent not only to watch over Rickie, but to show the others that runaways were not horrible screwed up kids with unfixable problems, but regular kids whose circumstances just got messed up.
And that's the last dialogue in the episode, which is very powerful.
Patty walks into the church and sees Rickie lighting candles. She just goes to him, wordlessly, and takes his hand, and he collapses against her. As Angela enters the room and sees her mother and Rickie, a choir sings "I feel like going home." Angela runs to hug Rickie, and Patty breathes the biggest sigh of relief ever. Great acting by Bess Armstrong. Graham walks in with Brian and Danielle, and Patty looks thrilled to see him. Graham crosses himself before he sits, which is a nice character touch.
Brief montage, wherein we see Sharon and Rayanne laughing and eating at the helpline, Jordan lighting a candle in what looks like a loft, the Chases and company walking out of the church, and Juliana Hatfield watching from above. She turns, looks up, and then flies away, revealing her feathered wings. I wonder if her wings were hidden until now, or if she just earned them? Never thought of that before.
PSA for the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, and then credits.
Visuals: 4 out of 5
Spirit: 4 out of 5
Nostalgia: 4 out of 5
Humor: 2 out of 5
Music: 3 out of 5
Overall: 4 out of 5
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Christmas Vacation Installment #21: Olive, the Other Reindeer
This special, based on a children's book but having very little to do with the children's book except for the art style, debuted in 1999 and was a very pleasant surprise.
Olive is a cute little dog voiced by Drew Barrymore. She begins the special by singing: "I love Valentine's Day and the fourth of July, I'm a little bit sad when Halloween has gone by, I'm thankful Thanksgiving comes around in the fall, but I've always loved Christmas the best of them all. Every day's special, I'm not complaining, but I always am counting the days still remaining 'til Christmas."
Olive meets her soon-to-be-sidekick, a penguin named Martini, when he attempts to sell her a counterfeit Rolex and tells her a sob story about being fired from the zoo. She kindly covers for him when a police officer gets on his case. And we have established that in this universe, humans and animals easily converse. Animals are capable of human actions, and humans have no trouble accepting this fact.
Olive's owner, Tim, is grumpy and complains that Olive doesn't act like a regular dog. He also says "There is no Christmas this year," and Olive is appalled. While she and her pet flea are wrapping gifts, they hear on the radio that one of Santa's reindeer has been injured, and Santa may have to cancel his flight. See, also in this universe, Santa is most definitely real, and no one questions it. He even talks to the press. He tells the reporter that he may have to make do with all of the other reindeer, which Fido hears as "Olive, the Other Reindeer," leading to an ah-ha that maybe Olive is actually a reindeer, and that's why she doesn't act like a dog. Here begins Olive's quest to save Christmas. If they can't fly because of one reindeer with one bad leg, you'd think this would happen more often-- but that will be explained later.
Tim tries to apologize for taking his frustrations out on Olive, but Fido the flea mistranslates and thinks Tim is getting a new dog and replacing Olive.
Time to meet the villain. In a special about a dog, it makes perfect sense that the villain would be a mailman. He is bitter because his job gets so much harder at Christmas. The mailman is voiced by Dan Castellaneta, doing the exact same voice he does as Robot Devil on Futurama.
Olive sets off for the North Pole via bus, accompanied by Martini. The mailman tries to thwart them, but they escape. "Grab onto my tail!" "Quit wagging it!" Hee.
Tim is heartbroken over Olive's disappearance, and actually says "Where oh where can she be?" Hee again.
At Arctic Junction, Olive, Martini, and the bus driver (Richard Stands, who used to think the Pledge of Allegiance was about him), go into the diner to get some food. Richard orders the deep-fried candy canes, which sounds interesting. Olive orders a bone with dressing on the side, and Martini orders the small dead fish sampler. I want to see this diner's entire menu.
The mailman poses as a waitress to lure Olive outside on the pretense of Santa looking for her. Then he throws her in the mail truck. There she discovers a letter to Santa from a child, telling Santa to stay away. After noting the strangeness of that, she finds a package addressed To Olive from Deus Ex Machina. I was a senior in high school when this special premiered, and I still didn't understand that. It must have really confused small children. It contains a metal file. So Olive escapes. Alas, she missed the bus to the North Pole, and Richard Stands has to split or he'll lose his job. So Olive enters the bar next door to the diner. It is occupied by reindeer, elves, and the Easter Bunny, as well as some human patrons. And they all look scary. When Olive introduces herself and her mission, a man and a reindeer respond by sneering and throwing her around. The reindeer is voiced by MICHAEL FREAKING STIPE. Seriously. They are about to take her up to the roof to throw her off when Martini intervenes, and the reindeer tries to take Martini's briefcase. Olive is getting pissed, so she stands on the bar and gives a speech about how their behavior is not in the spirit of Christmas and "Santa doesn't just give you stuff because you ask. You have to deserve it." They see the error of their ways, prompting an awesome song from the Stipe!reindeer. I remember when this originally aired, it wasn't until he sang that my brother and I were like, "Wait, is that-- it couldn't be-- but it must be!" And it was.
He explains their predicament pretty well: "When you're this far North, with no sunlight, sometimes tempers fray. Life's hard enough, and now Santa's flight, it's been an awful day. Employment in these latitudes depends on Old Saint Nick. So forgive us if we all have attitudes-- we're up a frozen crick. But we're not so bad, we're really sweet and funny, we're not so bad, except for that bunny." Oh, I love it. Please watch the video, you'll be glad you did. After the song, the Stipe!reindeer introduces himself as Blitzen's cousin, Schnitzel-- flightless, unfortunately. Martini: It happens. The man, whose name is "Round John Virgin" drives Olive and Martini to the gates of the North Pole proper, where the security elf is all, no, no, no so Martini devises a ruse involving one of his counterfeit Rolex watches and shutting off the alarm to make it work. Which the security elf falls for. And Olive is in! She manages to find Santa (voiced by Ed Asner) alarmingly quickly, and learns that part of Santa's willingness to cancel his flight is that he's gotten a lot of mean letters from children this year. Olive tells him those letters actually came from the mean postman (evidenced by the lack of postmark), and once hearing this, Santa is very quick to accept Olive's offer to be a replacement reindeer. Aw.
Oh, but the mailman's reign of villainy is not over yet-- he's stolen Santa's bag of toys! While being hitched to the sleigh, Olive asks where Rudolph is, and is told Rudolph is just an urban legend. I LOVE THIS SPECIAL. Takeoff, and... she's doing it! She's flying! And it's televised! I want to live in this world. Everyone in the bar is cheering Olive on, and her pet flea is singing "Olive the other reindeer, you'll go down in history!" Aw again.
Meanwhile, the mailman is cackling to himself, as all villains do. He reveals that his bitterness is not just about seasonal job difficulties, but also that he's been on Santa's naughty list since childhood. When the bag mix-up is discovered at the first house, Olive is on it, sniffing out the mailman's scent. And when they take flight again, it's time for one of my favorite Christmas songs ever, that I can't understand why the radio doesn't play it.
My favorite lines are "If you've got the Christmas spirit, let nothing you dismay. You don't springs, or wings, or strings to fly on Christmas Day. So let Olive's tale remind you, on this Christmas Eve: it's all right there inside you, you just have to believe!" That, right there, is my whole philosophy on life, on Christmas, and on faith. Excuse me while I tear up like the sap that I am.
Martini goes on a mission of his own: delivering the mail. All right then. Olive sniffs the crew home, and they feast on cookies. You'd think Santa would have had enough cookies en route. Last year, my nieces left Santa a lemon poppyseed muffin and some dry Cheerios. It was cute. The staff and crew also get gifts from Santa, including a set of antlers for Olive. Comet downs his cappuccino in one gulp, then takes Olive home.
Martini is offered his old position at the zoo back, but turns it down and brings the mailman in as a substitute penguin. That probably makes the least sense of anything in this special.
Olive returns to Tim, much to his joy. And we end with a nice little montage wherein, among other things, Olive gets strap-on opposable thumbs and Martini gets a job at the post office. Oh, and Mrs. Claus covers a tuckered-out Santa with a blanket, which is cute.
Visuals: 4 out of 5
Spirit: 5 out of 5
Nostalgia: 4 out of 5
Humor: 5 out of 5
Music: 5 out of 5
Overall: 4.6 out of 5
Olive is a cute little dog voiced by Drew Barrymore. She begins the special by singing: "I love Valentine's Day and the fourth of July, I'm a little bit sad when Halloween has gone by, I'm thankful Thanksgiving comes around in the fall, but I've always loved Christmas the best of them all. Every day's special, I'm not complaining, but I always am counting the days still remaining 'til Christmas."
Olive meets her soon-to-be-sidekick, a penguin named Martini, when he attempts to sell her a counterfeit Rolex and tells her a sob story about being fired from the zoo. She kindly covers for him when a police officer gets on his case. And we have established that in this universe, humans and animals easily converse. Animals are capable of human actions, and humans have no trouble accepting this fact.
Olive's owner, Tim, is grumpy and complains that Olive doesn't act like a regular dog. He also says "There is no Christmas this year," and Olive is appalled. While she and her pet flea are wrapping gifts, they hear on the radio that one of Santa's reindeer has been injured, and Santa may have to cancel his flight. See, also in this universe, Santa is most definitely real, and no one questions it. He even talks to the press. He tells the reporter that he may have to make do with all of the other reindeer, which Fido hears as "Olive, the Other Reindeer," leading to an ah-ha that maybe Olive is actually a reindeer, and that's why she doesn't act like a dog. Here begins Olive's quest to save Christmas. If they can't fly because of one reindeer with one bad leg, you'd think this would happen more often-- but that will be explained later.
Tim tries to apologize for taking his frustrations out on Olive, but Fido the flea mistranslates and thinks Tim is getting a new dog and replacing Olive.
Time to meet the villain. In a special about a dog, it makes perfect sense that the villain would be a mailman. He is bitter because his job gets so much harder at Christmas. The mailman is voiced by Dan Castellaneta, doing the exact same voice he does as Robot Devil on Futurama.
Olive sets off for the North Pole via bus, accompanied by Martini. The mailman tries to thwart them, but they escape. "Grab onto my tail!" "Quit wagging it!" Hee.
Tim is heartbroken over Olive's disappearance, and actually says "Where oh where can she be?" Hee again.
At Arctic Junction, Olive, Martini, and the bus driver (Richard Stands, who used to think the Pledge of Allegiance was about him), go into the diner to get some food. Richard orders the deep-fried candy canes, which sounds interesting. Olive orders a bone with dressing on the side, and Martini orders the small dead fish sampler. I want to see this diner's entire menu.
The mailman poses as a waitress to lure Olive outside on the pretense of Santa looking for her. Then he throws her in the mail truck. There she discovers a letter to Santa from a child, telling Santa to stay away. After noting the strangeness of that, she finds a package addressed To Olive from Deus Ex Machina. I was a senior in high school when this special premiered, and I still didn't understand that. It must have really confused small children. It contains a metal file. So Olive escapes. Alas, she missed the bus to the North Pole, and Richard Stands has to split or he'll lose his job. So Olive enters the bar next door to the diner. It is occupied by reindeer, elves, and the Easter Bunny, as well as some human patrons. And they all look scary. When Olive introduces herself and her mission, a man and a reindeer respond by sneering and throwing her around. The reindeer is voiced by MICHAEL FREAKING STIPE. Seriously. They are about to take her up to the roof to throw her off when Martini intervenes, and the reindeer tries to take Martini's briefcase. Olive is getting pissed, so she stands on the bar and gives a speech about how their behavior is not in the spirit of Christmas and "Santa doesn't just give you stuff because you ask. You have to deserve it." They see the error of their ways, prompting an awesome song from the Stipe!reindeer. I remember when this originally aired, it wasn't until he sang that my brother and I were like, "Wait, is that-- it couldn't be-- but it must be!" And it was.
He explains their predicament pretty well: "When you're this far North, with no sunlight, sometimes tempers fray. Life's hard enough, and now Santa's flight, it's been an awful day. Employment in these latitudes depends on Old Saint Nick. So forgive us if we all have attitudes-- we're up a frozen crick. But we're not so bad, we're really sweet and funny, we're not so bad, except for that bunny." Oh, I love it. Please watch the video, you'll be glad you did. After the song, the Stipe!reindeer introduces himself as Blitzen's cousin, Schnitzel-- flightless, unfortunately. Martini: It happens. The man, whose name is "Round John Virgin" drives Olive and Martini to the gates of the North Pole proper, where the security elf is all, no, no, no so Martini devises a ruse involving one of his counterfeit Rolex watches and shutting off the alarm to make it work. Which the security elf falls for. And Olive is in! She manages to find Santa (voiced by Ed Asner) alarmingly quickly, and learns that part of Santa's willingness to cancel his flight is that he's gotten a lot of mean letters from children this year. Olive tells him those letters actually came from the mean postman (evidenced by the lack of postmark), and once hearing this, Santa is very quick to accept Olive's offer to be a replacement reindeer. Aw.
Oh, but the mailman's reign of villainy is not over yet-- he's stolen Santa's bag of toys! While being hitched to the sleigh, Olive asks where Rudolph is, and is told Rudolph is just an urban legend. I LOVE THIS SPECIAL. Takeoff, and... she's doing it! She's flying! And it's televised! I want to live in this world. Everyone in the bar is cheering Olive on, and her pet flea is singing "Olive the other reindeer, you'll go down in history!" Aw again.
Meanwhile, the mailman is cackling to himself, as all villains do. He reveals that his bitterness is not just about seasonal job difficulties, but also that he's been on Santa's naughty list since childhood. When the bag mix-up is discovered at the first house, Olive is on it, sniffing out the mailman's scent. And when they take flight again, it's time for one of my favorite Christmas songs ever, that I can't understand why the radio doesn't play it.
My favorite lines are "If you've got the Christmas spirit, let nothing you dismay. You don't springs, or wings, or strings to fly on Christmas Day. So let Olive's tale remind you, on this Christmas Eve: it's all right there inside you, you just have to believe!" That, right there, is my whole philosophy on life, on Christmas, and on faith. Excuse me while I tear up like the sap that I am.
Martini goes on a mission of his own: delivering the mail. All right then. Olive sniffs the crew home, and they feast on cookies. You'd think Santa would have had enough cookies en route. Last year, my nieces left Santa a lemon poppyseed muffin and some dry Cheerios. It was cute. The staff and crew also get gifts from Santa, including a set of antlers for Olive. Comet downs his cappuccino in one gulp, then takes Olive home.
Martini is offered his old position at the zoo back, but turns it down and brings the mailman in as a substitute penguin. That probably makes the least sense of anything in this special.
Olive returns to Tim, much to his joy. And we end with a nice little montage wherein, among other things, Olive gets strap-on opposable thumbs and Martini gets a job at the post office. Oh, and Mrs. Claus covers a tuckered-out Santa with a blanket, which is cute.
Visuals: 4 out of 5
Spirit: 5 out of 5
Nostalgia: 4 out of 5
Humor: 5 out of 5
Music: 5 out of 5
Overall: 4.6 out of 5
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Christmas Vacation Installment #20: It's a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie
I realize that Muppet fans are very divided on this special, but I, for one, enjoy it greatly. And I am the authority on my own blog, so let's get to it.
This special takes its primary plot from It's a Wonderful Life, but it gets a kick out of paying homage to other Christmas classics. It begins with a snowman narrator, who is quickly rushed off set and correctly called out as a "Burl Ives wannabe." Hee.
Next up is a marathon of Gift of the Magi exchanges, culminating in one non-exchange. Trust me, it's funny.
Kermit enters, sad and depressed, though we don't know why yet (okay, you do if you've seen it before). He then wanders off into the snow and sits on a bench (passing a young frog with his tongue stuck to a pole on the way).
Fade out to a large white office building that's actually Heaven, though it never identifies itself as such. David Arquette is upset because Kermit's upset. He turns to William H. Macy for help, but William H. Macy doesn't care. So David Arquette decides to take Kermit's case to the boss. The boss, we soon learn, is God (though never called that) played by Whoopi Goldberg. My second favorite casting of God ever, after Alanis Morissette. Whoopi/God's office is a huge garden with a couch and a large screen TV in it. David Arquette tells Whoopi/God it's about Kermit the Frog, and she says, "Listen, I don't worry about him. He always does the right thing." That's Kermit, all right. With a little bit of pleading, Whoopi/God agrees to take a look. Rewind on God's big screen TV.
The Muppets are getting ready for their big Christmas Eve show. In the Muppet Theatre, and I freaking love that they use the Muppet Theatre (from The Muppet Show) as an important plot point. Because this special involves the theatre, Scooter was brought out of retirement. Although he doesn't quite sound like himself.
Rizzo the Rat hurts his nose. It's red and glowing. Yeah yeah yeah. Pepe the prawn is running off to party with Ricky Martin. Kermit says something about being broke, and then Joan Cusack walks in to be the villainess of this special. Her husband owned the bank that the theatre is leased under (I think that's how it goes). Her husband has died, and in inheriting his estate, the Muppets now owe her some money, and even though her husband was willing to extend the contract to allow them to pull in some money from a full week of shows, she wants the money by the 24th, which only leaves them time for one show.
Pepe immediately runs off with Joan Cusack, because he wants to work for money instead of working for a dream as Kermit would have him do.
God gets some coffee from a coffee shrub, because "When you write the rules of the universe, you know where all the loopholes are." Also, She likes Spongebob. Ew.
The Muppets need a miracle, but just when they think they might have one, it's just Janice tuning up her harp. Hee. Piggy is heading for the hills too, because Kermit's too broke to pay anyone. Meanwhile, Joanna Cusack is an amoral bitch who is altering the contract so that the Muppets owe her money even sooner.
Fozzie suggests that the show might need some star power, so Kermit gets on the phone with his famous friends, but none of them are available. Also, Kermit broke Molly Shannon's heart by not appreciating her efforts to rearrange her closets. The other Muppets persuade him to find Miss Piggy and do some serious grovelling. And where does he find her? Sacred Heart Hospital. SQUEE!!! She is playing a corpse, surrounded by Zach Braff, Sarah Chalke, and John C. McGinley. But Miss Piggy isn't satisfied playing corpses, so she springs to life and proposes that her character become a nurse with attitude. Judy Reyes puts the fear of God into her. The janitor growls at her. Hee. Just as Kermit shows up to beg and plead, she gets fired. Good timing.
Joan Cusack plans to turn the theatre into a trendy nightclub so she can "sell overpriced tickets to tattooed and pierced ravemonkeys."
The Muppets have sold enough tickets. This would be a victory if the special were anywhere near over!
Moulin Rouge parody! Because this is the Muppets and you can randomly insert a parody into a storyline, Also, because they're doing a show. It includes Robin as the Absinthe Faerie which makes me so unbelievably happy. It's a GREEN. MUPPET. FAERIE. Those are three of my favorite things!
Fozzie is trying to rush the money to the bank. Apropos of nothing, he runs into a Steve Irwin parody who tries to shoot him with a tranquilizer dart, but gets the snowman narrator instead. Fozzie gets painted green, falls down right next to a Salvation Army bell ringer, and then is accused by some terribly misplaced and oversized Whos of being the grinch. But he manages to get un-green just in time to redirect them. But, he's still too late, even with some serious ninja moves, because his bag got switched with the one belonging to the Salvation Army, which contains nothing but stuffing.
Back at the party, Scooter has a lampshade on his head and is bragging that his uncle used to own the theatre. Snerk.
Kermit has gone to confront Joan Cusack directly, and ask her why she's doing this. She's all, duh, I'm the bad guy. "You can't eat a dream! You can't sell watered-down drinks from a dream! You can't be the Queen of a Polynesian tribe in a dream! Oh, wait, yes, you can. Forget that last one." Joan Cusack hates dreams and wants to see them die.
Back in God's office. God is not pleased. She decides to send David Arquette down to dole out some justice. So down he goes, feeling unprepared for the mission, but emotionally invested. Kermit is not amused, and snaps at him. Also accuses him of running a Muppet fan website. I remember when this aired, actual Muppet fan website administrators were both amused at the shoutout and vaguely worried that Kermit didn't like them. Kermit then declares, "I wish I'd never been born!" which terrifies David Arquette, leading to a full-scale Kermit spaz attack of flailing and repeatedly shouting how he wishes he'd never been born. I laugh like a lunatic. Kermit is so funny when he freaks out. David Arquette knows what he has to do-- it's in the handbook. He transports Kermit to the world in which he was never born.
In this Universe:
-the park is a mall
-Doc Hopper's is a successful chain (LOVE the continuity)
-The theatre is Club Dot
Fates of the Muppets in this Universe:
-Gonzo: homeless and trying to do some sort of performance art for money
-Rizzo: on Fear Factor, to which Kermit cries, "How can NBC live with themselves?"
-Electric Mayhem: riverdancers in an Irish restaurant
-Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: bouncer at Dot
-Sam the Eagle: mindlessly waving glowsticks(probably on ecstasy)
-Scooter: cage dancer with glazed eyes (TERRIFYING)
-Robin: working in Dot
-Beaker: bouncer on steroids
-Fozzie: also homeless, and steals Kermit's wallet
-Miss Piggy: crazy cat lady and faux psychic living in a crappy apartment
The scene with Miss Piggy is one of the saddest scenes ever on film. It kills me. But, at least she can still karate chop. She throws Kermit out of her apartment (quite literally), and then we hear her sobs. OH GOD IT KILLS ME. I'M DEAD.
Now for a song from Homeless Gonzo... the only original song this special offers... a song that starts out sad and vaguely poetic, then becomes pretty cheesy, because they insist on repeating the line "Everyone matters" over and over, like they don't trust the viewers to infer the moral of the story.
Anywho. David Arquette spits in Kermit's eye and he's back in his old life, squealing and flailing about and physically jumping on Miss Piggy to give her a big kiss. He's trying to explain to everyone "what really matters" when Joan Cusack bursts into the theater to kick them all out. Miss Piggy is all, "This little piggy is going to kick your skinny banking butt!!!" because she is awesome. Martial arts fight sequence. Kermit breaks it up to say "She'll never take the Muppet Theatre in our hearts!" and Joan Cusack is like, WTF? "I don't want the theatre in your hearts! I want the theatre that exists in reality!"
Suddenly, Pepe has the deus ex machina to save the day! The Muppet Theatre is actually a historical landmark and can not be changed! So Joan Cusack walks off in a huff, and the Muppets are at peace.
And to wrap things up, everything worked out-- without some big miracle to save the theatre.
Visuals: 4 out of 5
Spirit: 4 out of 5
Nostalgia: 2 out of 5
Humor: 4 out of 5
Music: 1 out of 5
Overall: 3.5 out of 5
This special takes its primary plot from It's a Wonderful Life, but it gets a kick out of paying homage to other Christmas classics. It begins with a snowman narrator, who is quickly rushed off set and correctly called out as a "Burl Ives wannabe." Hee.
Next up is a marathon of Gift of the Magi exchanges, culminating in one non-exchange. Trust me, it's funny.
Kermit enters, sad and depressed, though we don't know why yet (okay, you do if you've seen it before). He then wanders off into the snow and sits on a bench (passing a young frog with his tongue stuck to a pole on the way).
Fade out to a large white office building that's actually Heaven, though it never identifies itself as such. David Arquette is upset because Kermit's upset. He turns to William H. Macy for help, but William H. Macy doesn't care. So David Arquette decides to take Kermit's case to the boss. The boss, we soon learn, is God (though never called that) played by Whoopi Goldberg. My second favorite casting of God ever, after Alanis Morissette. Whoopi/God's office is a huge garden with a couch and a large screen TV in it. David Arquette tells Whoopi/God it's about Kermit the Frog, and she says, "Listen, I don't worry about him. He always does the right thing." That's Kermit, all right. With a little bit of pleading, Whoopi/God agrees to take a look. Rewind on God's big screen TV.
The Muppets are getting ready for their big Christmas Eve show. In the Muppet Theatre, and I freaking love that they use the Muppet Theatre (from The Muppet Show) as an important plot point. Because this special involves the theatre, Scooter was brought out of retirement. Although he doesn't quite sound like himself.
Rizzo the Rat hurts his nose. It's red and glowing. Yeah yeah yeah. Pepe the prawn is running off to party with Ricky Martin. Kermit says something about being broke, and then Joan Cusack walks in to be the villainess of this special. Her husband owned the bank that the theatre is leased under (I think that's how it goes). Her husband has died, and in inheriting his estate, the Muppets now owe her some money, and even though her husband was willing to extend the contract to allow them to pull in some money from a full week of shows, she wants the money by the 24th, which only leaves them time for one show.
Pepe immediately runs off with Joan Cusack, because he wants to work for money instead of working for a dream as Kermit would have him do.
God gets some coffee from a coffee shrub, because "When you write the rules of the universe, you know where all the loopholes are." Also, She likes Spongebob. Ew.
The Muppets need a miracle, but just when they think they might have one, it's just Janice tuning up her harp. Hee. Piggy is heading for the hills too, because Kermit's too broke to pay anyone. Meanwhile, Joanna Cusack is an amoral bitch who is altering the contract so that the Muppets owe her money even sooner.
Fozzie suggests that the show might need some star power, so Kermit gets on the phone with his famous friends, but none of them are available. Also, Kermit broke Molly Shannon's heart by not appreciating her efforts to rearrange her closets. The other Muppets persuade him to find Miss Piggy and do some serious grovelling. And where does he find her? Sacred Heart Hospital. SQUEE!!! She is playing a corpse, surrounded by Zach Braff, Sarah Chalke, and John C. McGinley. But Miss Piggy isn't satisfied playing corpses, so she springs to life and proposes that her character become a nurse with attitude. Judy Reyes puts the fear of God into her. The janitor growls at her. Hee. Just as Kermit shows up to beg and plead, she gets fired. Good timing.
Joan Cusack plans to turn the theatre into a trendy nightclub so she can "sell overpriced tickets to tattooed and pierced ravemonkeys."
The Muppets have sold enough tickets. This would be a victory if the special were anywhere near over!
Moulin Rouge parody! Because this is the Muppets and you can randomly insert a parody into a storyline, Also, because they're doing a show. It includes Robin as the Absinthe Faerie which makes me so unbelievably happy. It's a GREEN. MUPPET. FAERIE. Those are three of my favorite things!
Fozzie is trying to rush the money to the bank. Apropos of nothing, he runs into a Steve Irwin parody who tries to shoot him with a tranquilizer dart, but gets the snowman narrator instead. Fozzie gets painted green, falls down right next to a Salvation Army bell ringer, and then is accused by some terribly misplaced and oversized Whos of being the grinch. But he manages to get un-green just in time to redirect them. But, he's still too late, even with some serious ninja moves, because his bag got switched with the one belonging to the Salvation Army, which contains nothing but stuffing.
Back at the party, Scooter has a lampshade on his head and is bragging that his uncle used to own the theatre. Snerk.
Kermit has gone to confront Joan Cusack directly, and ask her why she's doing this. She's all, duh, I'm the bad guy. "You can't eat a dream! You can't sell watered-down drinks from a dream! You can't be the Queen of a Polynesian tribe in a dream! Oh, wait, yes, you can. Forget that last one." Joan Cusack hates dreams and wants to see them die.
Back in God's office. God is not pleased. She decides to send David Arquette down to dole out some justice. So down he goes, feeling unprepared for the mission, but emotionally invested. Kermit is not amused, and snaps at him. Also accuses him of running a Muppet fan website. I remember when this aired, actual Muppet fan website administrators were both amused at the shoutout and vaguely worried that Kermit didn't like them. Kermit then declares, "I wish I'd never been born!" which terrifies David Arquette, leading to a full-scale Kermit spaz attack of flailing and repeatedly shouting how he wishes he'd never been born. I laugh like a lunatic. Kermit is so funny when he freaks out. David Arquette knows what he has to do-- it's in the handbook. He transports Kermit to the world in which he was never born.
In this Universe:
-the park is a mall
-Doc Hopper's is a successful chain (LOVE the continuity)
-The theatre is Club Dot
Fates of the Muppets in this Universe:
-Gonzo: homeless and trying to do some sort of performance art for money
-Rizzo: on Fear Factor, to which Kermit cries, "How can NBC live with themselves?"
-Electric Mayhem: riverdancers in an Irish restaurant
-Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: bouncer at Dot
-Sam the Eagle: mindlessly waving glowsticks(probably on ecstasy)
-Scooter: cage dancer with glazed eyes (TERRIFYING)
-Robin: working in Dot
-Beaker: bouncer on steroids
-Fozzie: also homeless, and steals Kermit's wallet
-Miss Piggy: crazy cat lady and faux psychic living in a crappy apartment
The scene with Miss Piggy is one of the saddest scenes ever on film. It kills me. But, at least she can still karate chop. She throws Kermit out of her apartment (quite literally), and then we hear her sobs. OH GOD IT KILLS ME. I'M DEAD.
Now for a song from Homeless Gonzo... the only original song this special offers... a song that starts out sad and vaguely poetic, then becomes pretty cheesy, because they insist on repeating the line "Everyone matters" over and over, like they don't trust the viewers to infer the moral of the story.
Anywho. David Arquette spits in Kermit's eye and he's back in his old life, squealing and flailing about and physically jumping on Miss Piggy to give her a big kiss. He's trying to explain to everyone "what really matters" when Joan Cusack bursts into the theater to kick them all out. Miss Piggy is all, "This little piggy is going to kick your skinny banking butt!!!" because she is awesome. Martial arts fight sequence. Kermit breaks it up to say "She'll never take the Muppet Theatre in our hearts!" and Joan Cusack is like, WTF? "I don't want the theatre in your hearts! I want the theatre that exists in reality!"
Suddenly, Pepe has the deus ex machina to save the day! The Muppet Theatre is actually a historical landmark and can not be changed! So Joan Cusack walks off in a huff, and the Muppets are at peace.
And to wrap things up, everything worked out-- without some big miracle to save the theatre.
Visuals: 4 out of 5
Spirit: 4 out of 5
Nostalgia: 2 out of 5
Humor: 4 out of 5
Music: 1 out of 5
Overall: 3.5 out of 5
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Christmas Vacation Installment #19: Full House "Our Very First Christmas Show"
Full disclosure: Full House used to be my favorite show. It still holds a special place in my heart. The early seasons do, anyway-- the later ones kind of suck. This first Christmas episode (and really the only one I remember, though I'm sure there were more) comes to us from season two. Things were good then.
The family is heading on a trip to Colorado for Christmas. Danny is taping his vacation for "Wake Up San Francisco." Joey and Jesse are singing for no apparent reason. Joey tells the camera "Hey, you on the couch, dig those kooky pajamas!" I remember thinking that was funny, for some reason.
Stephanie (the young cute version) doesn't want to go on the trip because she is terrified that Santa won't be able to find her. So she has drawn Santa a map. It includes drawings of the North Pole, San Francisco, Colorado, and a bird named Tony. The inclusion of the bird makes me laugh out loud. This show used to be genuinely charming.
After the commercial break, they're on the plane. All wearing tacky Christmas sweaters like the tacky people they are. Hey, it's Jesse's parents! We saw so little of them over the years, which is weird since they're the girls' maternal grandparents, but for some reason Jesse and family's actual connection to the girls' late mother doesn't get brought up that often. Jesse's mom remarks that whoever designed airplane bathrooms was not wearing pantyhose. Which is, of course, true, but seriously, who wears pantyhose on a plane?
Who should be on the plane but Danny's cohost, Becky, later to become Aunt Becky. At this point, I don't think she and Jesse are a couple yet, but he is definitely putting the moves on. She is just changing planes in Colorado to go to Nebraska for Christmas. I always kind of liked that she was from Nebraska-- it gave her an old-fashioned farmgirl kind of air.
There's an unnecessary but kind of cute moment where a stuffy businessman demands that DJ get out of his seat, because by some unrealistic fluke, the airline booked three different people for the same seat. The man gets all huffy: "I reserved THAT SEAT three months ago and THAT'S where I'm going to sit!" but then he jumps when he learns there are two seats available in first class. But the attendant is having none of it and escorts DJ and Stephanie to the first class. But, next thing we know, the plane has flown into a snowstorm and is making an unscheduled stop. And then, nobody's going anywhere at all, so it's Christmas at the airport. And I'd like to know, why are people on TV always traveling ON CHRISTMAS EVE? I thought it was common sense: plan your trip for the 23rd at the latest, because Mr. Murphy is always lurking around the corner.
Stephanie's biggest worry is still not that she can't sleep in an uncomfortable airport chair or that she won't get to see all of her relatives, but that Santa won't find them. Which he might not, because the suitcase with all the presents in it still hasn't come down the conveyor belt. Do they conveyor in the luggage for unscheduled overnight stops?
Jesse's dad is encouraging Jesse to use Becky's homesickness and vulnerability as an opportunity to seduce her. "I met your mother on the day Elvis was drafted." Ooookkk. After a brief moment of conversation, Becky runs to the phone to call her cow, which Jesse then relays to his father, and John Stamos's deadpan reading of the line "She went to call her cow" is pretty funny.
Danny confides in his oldest daughter that the presents are lost, and she throws a minor fit upon realizing that she won't get the cd player she already knows she's getting because she went snooping. Way to be a role model, DJ.
Joey dresses up like Santa Claus, because that will solve the problem... how, exactly? Do people really dress up like Santa Claus for their own kids? They're always doing that on TV, but it doesn't make sense to me. You're not supposed to SEE Santa Claus. Stephanie doesn't recognize Joey, but Michelle does. Michelle is a year old. Whatever. Stephanie is angry when she realizes she's being deceived.
Everyone is whining. Time for Uncle Jesse to get on his soapbox. That was this show's trademark, but this was before it got old. He points out that the first Christmas took place in a barn, and if everyone will just get over themselves (I'm paraphrasing), the coat rack could be a Christmas tree, the vending machines could be a Christmas dinner, and the conveyor belt... yeah, it's just a conveyor belt. Then he gets everyone to sing "Sleigh Ride." Multiple other blogs claim he's singing "Winter Wonderland," but trust me, it's "Sleigh Ride." You heard it here.
After the commercial break, we see that there has been some celebrating indeed. The coat rack is decked out with the finest cups and ribbon you ever saw. But I guess we didn't need to see the actual celebrating. Everyone is asleep, except Michelle, who hits a button on the conveyor belt (um, why would those be in children's reach?) and sends her sleeping father into oblivion. Jesse wakes up, picks up Michelle, and realizes that it's Christmas. He yells to the entire room, "Wake up, everybody! Merry Christmas!" I don't know about you, but if I had finally managed to get to sleep in an airport, I'd be pissed if someone woke me up without good reason. Maybe it's just me.
Danny is conveyored back in, covered in snow. Which is just an excuse for Becky to get him some coffee, and the coffee machine is under the mistletoe, so Jesse (under the direction of his parents) goes over to point out that fact. She deflects, but he's like "Christmas Law" and she's like, "Law abiding citizen!" and they share a kiss that's kind of epic. I guess that was their first. Aw.
Who should walk in but Santa. Stephanie says "Hi, Joey" but no, Joey's right there. Stephanie tugs Santa's beard, and yep, it's real. Santa gives a wave, and the conveyor belt turns on, and in come the suitcase full of the family's presents. Stephanie turns around to thank Santa, but he's gone. Oh, but look, stodgy businessman left his laptop open, and the screen says "Merry Christmas! Ho ho ho!" The family all looks at each other, puzzled, and when they wander back towards their presents, only Stephanie sees the screen change to "Thanks for the maps, Stephanie."
I have to admit that TV episodes like this have a special place in my heart. I love it when they seem to be based in the reality of Christmas, where Santa's capabilities depend on what is going on with the parents, but then somehow, something magical happens and both characters and audience are given a reason to, just maybe, believe in Santa again.
I'm a sap. I like believing in Santa. So sue me.
Visuals: 1 out of 5
Spirit: 4 out of 5
Nostalgia: 4 out of 5
Humor: 3 out of 5
Music: 0 out of 5
Overall: 3 out of 5
The family is heading on a trip to Colorado for Christmas. Danny is taping his vacation for "Wake Up San Francisco." Joey and Jesse are singing for no apparent reason. Joey tells the camera "Hey, you on the couch, dig those kooky pajamas!" I remember thinking that was funny, for some reason.
Stephanie (the young cute version) doesn't want to go on the trip because she is terrified that Santa won't be able to find her. So she has drawn Santa a map. It includes drawings of the North Pole, San Francisco, Colorado, and a bird named Tony. The inclusion of the bird makes me laugh out loud. This show used to be genuinely charming.
After the commercial break, they're on the plane. All wearing tacky Christmas sweaters like the tacky people they are. Hey, it's Jesse's parents! We saw so little of them over the years, which is weird since they're the girls' maternal grandparents, but for some reason Jesse and family's actual connection to the girls' late mother doesn't get brought up that often. Jesse's mom remarks that whoever designed airplane bathrooms was not wearing pantyhose. Which is, of course, true, but seriously, who wears pantyhose on a plane?
Who should be on the plane but Danny's cohost, Becky, later to become Aunt Becky. At this point, I don't think she and Jesse are a couple yet, but he is definitely putting the moves on. She is just changing planes in Colorado to go to Nebraska for Christmas. I always kind of liked that she was from Nebraska-- it gave her an old-fashioned farmgirl kind of air.
There's an unnecessary but kind of cute moment where a stuffy businessman demands that DJ get out of his seat, because by some unrealistic fluke, the airline booked three different people for the same seat. The man gets all huffy: "I reserved THAT SEAT three months ago and THAT'S where I'm going to sit!" but then he jumps when he learns there are two seats available in first class. But the attendant is having none of it and escorts DJ and Stephanie to the first class. But, next thing we know, the plane has flown into a snowstorm and is making an unscheduled stop. And then, nobody's going anywhere at all, so it's Christmas at the airport. And I'd like to know, why are people on TV always traveling ON CHRISTMAS EVE? I thought it was common sense: plan your trip for the 23rd at the latest, because Mr. Murphy is always lurking around the corner.
Stephanie's biggest worry is still not that she can't sleep in an uncomfortable airport chair or that she won't get to see all of her relatives, but that Santa won't find them. Which he might not, because the suitcase with all the presents in it still hasn't come down the conveyor belt. Do they conveyor in the luggage for unscheduled overnight stops?
Jesse's dad is encouraging Jesse to use Becky's homesickness and vulnerability as an opportunity to seduce her. "I met your mother on the day Elvis was drafted." Ooookkk. After a brief moment of conversation, Becky runs to the phone to call her cow, which Jesse then relays to his father, and John Stamos's deadpan reading of the line "She went to call her cow" is pretty funny.
Danny confides in his oldest daughter that the presents are lost, and she throws a minor fit upon realizing that she won't get the cd player she already knows she's getting because she went snooping. Way to be a role model, DJ.
Joey dresses up like Santa Claus, because that will solve the problem... how, exactly? Do people really dress up like Santa Claus for their own kids? They're always doing that on TV, but it doesn't make sense to me. You're not supposed to SEE Santa Claus. Stephanie doesn't recognize Joey, but Michelle does. Michelle is a year old. Whatever. Stephanie is angry when she realizes she's being deceived.
Everyone is whining. Time for Uncle Jesse to get on his soapbox. That was this show's trademark, but this was before it got old. He points out that the first Christmas took place in a barn, and if everyone will just get over themselves (I'm paraphrasing), the coat rack could be a Christmas tree, the vending machines could be a Christmas dinner, and the conveyor belt... yeah, it's just a conveyor belt. Then he gets everyone to sing "Sleigh Ride." Multiple other blogs claim he's singing "Winter Wonderland," but trust me, it's "Sleigh Ride." You heard it here.
After the commercial break, we see that there has been some celebrating indeed. The coat rack is decked out with the finest cups and ribbon you ever saw. But I guess we didn't need to see the actual celebrating. Everyone is asleep, except Michelle, who hits a button on the conveyor belt (um, why would those be in children's reach?) and sends her sleeping father into oblivion. Jesse wakes up, picks up Michelle, and realizes that it's Christmas. He yells to the entire room, "Wake up, everybody! Merry Christmas!" I don't know about you, but if I had finally managed to get to sleep in an airport, I'd be pissed if someone woke me up without good reason. Maybe it's just me.
Danny is conveyored back in, covered in snow. Which is just an excuse for Becky to get him some coffee, and the coffee machine is under the mistletoe, so Jesse (under the direction of his parents) goes over to point out that fact. She deflects, but he's like "Christmas Law" and she's like, "Law abiding citizen!" and they share a kiss that's kind of epic. I guess that was their first. Aw.
Who should walk in but Santa. Stephanie says "Hi, Joey" but no, Joey's right there. Stephanie tugs Santa's beard, and yep, it's real. Santa gives a wave, and the conveyor belt turns on, and in come the suitcase full of the family's presents. Stephanie turns around to thank Santa, but he's gone. Oh, but look, stodgy businessman left his laptop open, and the screen says "Merry Christmas! Ho ho ho!" The family all looks at each other, puzzled, and when they wander back towards their presents, only Stephanie sees the screen change to "Thanks for the maps, Stephanie."
I have to admit that TV episodes like this have a special place in my heart. I love it when they seem to be based in the reality of Christmas, where Santa's capabilities depend on what is going on with the parents, but then somehow, something magical happens and both characters and audience are given a reason to, just maybe, believe in Santa again.
I'm a sap. I like believing in Santa. So sue me.
Visuals: 1 out of 5
Spirit: 4 out of 5
Nostalgia: 4 out of 5
Humor: 3 out of 5
Music: 0 out of 5
Overall: 3 out of 5
Friday, December 17, 2010
Christmas Vacation Installment #18: The Christmas Toy
Yay, Jim Henson made goodness!
Kermit makes a brief appearance at the beginning of this one, and much like in Emmet Otter, he was cut out of the recent dvd release. But I'm watching a bootleg, so there he is, dressed like Santa, being voiced by Jim Henson himself, and letting us know that we are in the home of the Jones family: Mr. and Mrs. Jones, Molly the oldest daughter (who we never see), Jamie and Jesse, the little ones, and Ouija the cat. But this story is not about them-- it's about the toys. All of the toys in the house stay in the playroom, including one that belongs to Ouija the cat. How in the hell did they train their cat to leave its toy in the playroom? And why can't the little kids have, at the very least, a very favorite stuffed animal in their bedrooms? That has always bothered me.
This is really a predecessor to Toy Story, in that the premise revolves around the hidden lives of toys and the jealousy they experience when their children get new toys. The key difference here is that these toys are happy to learn that it's Christmas Eve. They are cool with having new toy companions. Oh, and also, in this universe, if you get caught "out of position"-- i.e., somewhere other than where a human left you, you are forever frozen-- basically, dead.
Rugby the Tiger is Jamie's favorite Christmas toy. And he's a bit confused. Since he was the gift last year, he thinks he's the gift every year. So he takes off for the Christmas tree, much to the panic of the rest of the toys. In his absence, it is mentioned that Apple the Doll used to be Jamie's favorite Christmas toy, but Rugby took her place, and she thinks he's going to take being replaced a lot harder than she did. And this special is partly to blame for the heart-ripping guilt I feel whenever I get rid of an old toy.
To add some dramatic tension, Mr. and Mrs. Jones are doing some laundry. On Christmas Eve while their kids are in bed. For some reason. To their credit, though, they acknowledge that it's weird. It doesn't take long for Ditz the clown (whose name fits) to get caught out of position. He is tossed, unmoving, back into the playroom, then ceremoniously wheeled across the floor to the makeshift graveyard of frozen toys.
Mew the catnip mouse is still worried about Rugby. Even though Rugby is constantly mean to him, calling him "just a cat toy." Mew goes after Rugby, and they just kind of hide out together. So Apple organizes the rest of the toys into a rescue mission.
Ruby and Mew have descended on the Christmas tree and found the box that Rugby believes he is supposed to be in. Mew gets up into the tree, and the tinkling of the ornaments sounds really realistic-- I looked around to see where the noise was coming from. Apple finds Rugby and is trying to talk some sense into him, but he gets the box open and comes face to face with Meteora. Who is a space-themed toy like Buzz Lightyear, except much scarier. She looks like she would be at home on Shera, but she's the size of a large doll. Mew is all ""She's wonderful..." when she springs to life, proclaims herself Queen of the Asteroids, and implies that Mew smells bad. Not nice.
Apple finally gets through to Rugby. Meanwhile, Meteora is destroying the living room. Not cool! Molly the Teenager yells to her parents to investigate the sound, and Mew saves them all by meowing. So the dad just accepts that it's the cat making the noise, because the cat wouldn't be meowing if there were burglars? Whatever. Next, they have to convince Meteora that she's a toy, not the actual Queen of the Asteroids (see? just like Buzz Lightyear), so she'll get in the box. She complies, and the troops head back to the playroom. Except Mew, who gets left behind and is caught by the parents going to turn the tree lights off. The mom's annoyed that the cat would dare leave a toy in the hallway.
Rugby is devastated over Mew being frozen. He sings to Mew's frozen body, and the love brings Mew back. Yay! Back in the playroom, all the toys sing together, and all the toys in the graveyard are also revived.
Next thing we know, it's Christmas morning, and Mrs. Jones's disembodied voice is calling to the kids to put their new toys in the playroom and come down for breakfast. They can't even leave their toys downstairs while they eat? Even the cat brings his new mouse toy in. Once they're gone, the toys welcome their new friends, which include a female version of Mew, also named Mew.
Jamie comes back into the playroom to take one more look at Meteora. She tells Meteora she loves her, even though in my opinion Meteora doesn't seem like the kind of toy you LOVE-- she'd just be a toy you played with. Rugby sheds a tear, but then Jamie says "Just like I love all my toys. I love you, Rugby. I love you, Apple." And apparently that's enough for them. Jamie leaves the room, and all the toys sing together. Kermit shows up to proclaim that everything worked out nicely, and joins in the singing.
Sweet little special, if a little sad, and really, not that action packed. A Rugby stuffed animal was never produced, which is a shame. And there was a TV show YEARS later, but it didn't do too well.
Visuals: 4 out of 5
Spirit: 3 out of 5
Nostalgia: 4 out of 5
Humor: 4 out of 5
Music: 3 out of 5
Overall: 3.5 out of 5
Kermit makes a brief appearance at the beginning of this one, and much like in Emmet Otter, he was cut out of the recent dvd release. But I'm watching a bootleg, so there he is, dressed like Santa, being voiced by Jim Henson himself, and letting us know that we are in the home of the Jones family: Mr. and Mrs. Jones, Molly the oldest daughter (who we never see), Jamie and Jesse, the little ones, and Ouija the cat. But this story is not about them-- it's about the toys. All of the toys in the house stay in the playroom, including one that belongs to Ouija the cat. How in the hell did they train their cat to leave its toy in the playroom? And why can't the little kids have, at the very least, a very favorite stuffed animal in their bedrooms? That has always bothered me.
This is really a predecessor to Toy Story, in that the premise revolves around the hidden lives of toys and the jealousy they experience when their children get new toys. The key difference here is that these toys are happy to learn that it's Christmas Eve. They are cool with having new toy companions. Oh, and also, in this universe, if you get caught "out of position"-- i.e., somewhere other than where a human left you, you are forever frozen-- basically, dead.
Rugby the Tiger is Jamie's favorite Christmas toy. And he's a bit confused. Since he was the gift last year, he thinks he's the gift every year. So he takes off for the Christmas tree, much to the panic of the rest of the toys. In his absence, it is mentioned that Apple the Doll used to be Jamie's favorite Christmas toy, but Rugby took her place, and she thinks he's going to take being replaced a lot harder than she did. And this special is partly to blame for the heart-ripping guilt I feel whenever I get rid of an old toy.
To add some dramatic tension, Mr. and Mrs. Jones are doing some laundry. On Christmas Eve while their kids are in bed. For some reason. To their credit, though, they acknowledge that it's weird. It doesn't take long for Ditz the clown (whose name fits) to get caught out of position. He is tossed, unmoving, back into the playroom, then ceremoniously wheeled across the floor to the makeshift graveyard of frozen toys.
Mew the catnip mouse is still worried about Rugby. Even though Rugby is constantly mean to him, calling him "just a cat toy." Mew goes after Rugby, and they just kind of hide out together. So Apple organizes the rest of the toys into a rescue mission.
Ruby and Mew have descended on the Christmas tree and found the box that Rugby believes he is supposed to be in. Mew gets up into the tree, and the tinkling of the ornaments sounds really realistic-- I looked around to see where the noise was coming from. Apple finds Rugby and is trying to talk some sense into him, but he gets the box open and comes face to face with Meteora. Who is a space-themed toy like Buzz Lightyear, except much scarier. She looks like she would be at home on Shera, but she's the size of a large doll. Mew is all ""She's wonderful..." when she springs to life, proclaims herself Queen of the Asteroids, and implies that Mew smells bad. Not nice.
Apple finally gets through to Rugby. Meanwhile, Meteora is destroying the living room. Not cool! Molly the Teenager yells to her parents to investigate the sound, and Mew saves them all by meowing. So the dad just accepts that it's the cat making the noise, because the cat wouldn't be meowing if there were burglars? Whatever. Next, they have to convince Meteora that she's a toy, not the actual Queen of the Asteroids (see? just like Buzz Lightyear), so she'll get in the box. She complies, and the troops head back to the playroom. Except Mew, who gets left behind and is caught by the parents going to turn the tree lights off. The mom's annoyed that the cat would dare leave a toy in the hallway.
Rugby is devastated over Mew being frozen. He sings to Mew's frozen body, and the love brings Mew back. Yay! Back in the playroom, all the toys sing together, and all the toys in the graveyard are also revived.
Next thing we know, it's Christmas morning, and Mrs. Jones's disembodied voice is calling to the kids to put their new toys in the playroom and come down for breakfast. They can't even leave their toys downstairs while they eat? Even the cat brings his new mouse toy in. Once they're gone, the toys welcome their new friends, which include a female version of Mew, also named Mew.
Jamie comes back into the playroom to take one more look at Meteora. She tells Meteora she loves her, even though in my opinion Meteora doesn't seem like the kind of toy you LOVE-- she'd just be a toy you played with. Rugby sheds a tear, but then Jamie says "Just like I love all my toys. I love you, Rugby. I love you, Apple." And apparently that's enough for them. Jamie leaves the room, and all the toys sing together. Kermit shows up to proclaim that everything worked out nicely, and joins in the singing.
Sweet little special, if a little sad, and really, not that action packed. A Rugby stuffed animal was never produced, which is a shame. And there was a TV show YEARS later, but it didn't do too well.
Visuals: 4 out of 5
Spirit: 3 out of 5
Nostalgia: 4 out of 5
Humor: 4 out of 5
Music: 3 out of 5
Overall: 3.5 out of 5
Christmas Vacation Installment #17: A Garfield Christmas Special
I missed yesterday, because my husband was monopolizing the TV watching Burn Notice, so I am definitely doing two today before I sleep.
Garfield is having a great dream that it's Christmas morning, and Jon (dressed like an elf) gives him a "gift-giving" machine. Garfield is all "gimme, gimme, gimme." But reality sets in and it's just Christmas Eve morning. Jon packs up Grumpy Garfield and Odie to take him to his family's farmhouse. Jon sings a song about his childhood and Christmas nostalgia. I have never understood why Jon's brother was named "Docboy." What kind of name is that?
At the farmhouse we meet Jon's sassy Grandma, who kind of owns this special. At dinner, she hits Docboy with a ladle multiple times and then sneaks Garfield some food. When questioned as to why she took so much, she says, "I'm eating for two now." Snerk. And when this was recorded, it was 43 degrees.
Garfield likes Grandma because she sits in the rocking chair and strokes him. She also talks to him, and laughs at herself for it. At one point when he hops up, she says, "How did you know I needed a kitty in my lap?" and he replies, "Wild guess." Makes me smile, because cats always do seem to know when they're needed.
The family is singing around the piano, and it's kind of awkward. I have a feeling the music was network-mandated. Garfield was never musical.
Grandma talks to Garfield about how much she misses her husband at Christmas, because it was his favorite day. He was a macho alpha male type, but he always enjoyed Christmas and made special gifts for everyone.
Jon's dad reads Binky, the Clown Who Saved Christmas. ooookay. We don't hear the actual story, though. Probably for the best.
While the humans are asleep, Garfield goes poking in the attic and finds Grandma's old letters.
Jon and Docboy wake their dad up at 1:30 claiming that it's Christmas morning and they should be allowed to open their presents now. Who are these people?
Finally, it's really morning and Dad asks the boys what they want to do first: eat breakfast, do chores, or open presents. Hee. After they have opened presents (which they don't actually do in front of us), Garfield brings Grandma the letters from her late husband. She is moved. And takes it in stride that a cat just brought her a gift. Next, Odie gives Garfield a back scratcher. Garfield is genuinely moved, and uncharacteristically (he admits to acting out of character) notes, "Christmas: it's not the giving. It's not the getting. It's the loving." Aw. The family does a little dance, and then we fade out.
Visuals: 2 out of 5
Spirit: 4 out of 5
Nostalgia: 3 out of 5
Humor: 4 out of 5
Music: 1 out of 5
Overall: 3 out of 5
Garfield is having a great dream that it's Christmas morning, and Jon (dressed like an elf) gives him a "gift-giving" machine. Garfield is all "gimme, gimme, gimme." But reality sets in and it's just Christmas Eve morning. Jon packs up Grumpy Garfield and Odie to take him to his family's farmhouse. Jon sings a song about his childhood and Christmas nostalgia. I have never understood why Jon's brother was named "Docboy." What kind of name is that?
At the farmhouse we meet Jon's sassy Grandma, who kind of owns this special. At dinner, she hits Docboy with a ladle multiple times and then sneaks Garfield some food. When questioned as to why she took so much, she says, "I'm eating for two now." Snerk. And when this was recorded, it was 43 degrees.
Garfield likes Grandma because she sits in the rocking chair and strokes him. She also talks to him, and laughs at herself for it. At one point when he hops up, she says, "How did you know I needed a kitty in my lap?" and he replies, "Wild guess." Makes me smile, because cats always do seem to know when they're needed.
The family is singing around the piano, and it's kind of awkward. I have a feeling the music was network-mandated. Garfield was never musical.
Grandma talks to Garfield about how much she misses her husband at Christmas, because it was his favorite day. He was a macho alpha male type, but he always enjoyed Christmas and made special gifts for everyone.
Jon's dad reads Binky, the Clown Who Saved Christmas. ooookay. We don't hear the actual story, though. Probably for the best.
While the humans are asleep, Garfield goes poking in the attic and finds Grandma's old letters.
Jon and Docboy wake their dad up at 1:30 claiming that it's Christmas morning and they should be allowed to open their presents now. Who are these people?
Finally, it's really morning and Dad asks the boys what they want to do first: eat breakfast, do chores, or open presents. Hee. After they have opened presents (which they don't actually do in front of us), Garfield brings Grandma the letters from her late husband. She is moved. And takes it in stride that a cat just brought her a gift. Next, Odie gives Garfield a back scratcher. Garfield is genuinely moved, and uncharacteristically (he admits to acting out of character) notes, "Christmas: it's not the giving. It's not the getting. It's the loving." Aw. The family does a little dance, and then we fade out.
Visuals: 2 out of 5
Spirit: 4 out of 5
Nostalgia: 3 out of 5
Humor: 4 out of 5
Music: 1 out of 5
Overall: 3 out of 5
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Christmas Vacation Installment #16: South Park "Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics"
I know, I still haven't gotten to the Muppets. I'm saving the best for last. Well, closer to last.
South Park has done many charming but twisted Christmas episodes over the years, but this one is my favorite because it's comprised almost entirely of songs. And it takes the format of an old-school special.
It has a newscaster with 70's hair at the beginning of each act saying "Fighting the Frizzies at eleven!" which I'm told is a reference to the widely circulated bootleg of The Star Wars Holiday Special. I've never seen it.
Song #1: "Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo" sung by a parody of the postman from Santa Claus is Comin' to Town. Pure toilet humor.
Song #2: "The Dreidel Song" sung in rounds
Song #3: Hitler, in hell, singing a very sad rendition of "O Tanenbaum." Satan comforts him by breaking into
Song #4: "Christmastime in Hell" which is funny because it's so freaking absurd. Probably the most offensive song shown on the episode (there was a corresponding album that actually featured a song called "The Most Offensive Song Ever," and even I can't stomach that one), just because of some of the people shown in hell. But we later learn that in the South Park universe, everyone goes to hell.
Song #5: "Carol of the Bells" sung Mr. Mackey
Song #6: Mr. Hankey says "Let's not forget that for some people, Christmas is about the birth of Jesus." Alas, it really is only some. Eric Cartman sings "O Holy Night" but doesn't know all the words, so he sings "Jesus was born, and so I get presents" which is pretty accurate to a child's understanding.
Song #7: My favorite. Mr. Garrison sings "Merry Fucking Christmas." Has to be seen to be believed.
Song #8: Shelly Marsh attempts to play "I Saw Three Ships" on the piano and ends up dropping the piano on Stan and Kyle. Of course.
Song #9: A medley, sung by Santa and Jesus, singing songs about themselves. Again with the absurdity. This one is surprisingly nonoffensive though. I realize a lot of Christians find it offensive that South Park even dares to have an animated version of Jesus, but if you can look past that, he's portrayed as very compassionate and a peacemaker. Santa gets jealous because there are more Jesus songs than Santa songs. He starts to storm away, but Jesus wins him over with a duet of "Let it Snow."
And last but not least, Song #10: "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas," played surprisingly straight. Even includes a subtle tribute to Mary Kay Bergman, the actress who voiced most of the show's female characters up until this point, and had committed suicide shortly before this episode aired.
Mr. Hankey goes back down the toilet, and the newscaster fights the frizzies. Oh, and Kenny dies.
Visuals: 2 out of 5
Spirit: 2 out of 5
Nostalgia: 2 out of 5
Humor: 4 out of 5
Music: 4 out of 5
Overall: 3 out of 5
South Park has done many charming but twisted Christmas episodes over the years, but this one is my favorite because it's comprised almost entirely of songs. And it takes the format of an old-school special.
It has a newscaster with 70's hair at the beginning of each act saying "Fighting the Frizzies at eleven!" which I'm told is a reference to the widely circulated bootleg of The Star Wars Holiday Special. I've never seen it.
Song #1: "Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo" sung by a parody of the postman from Santa Claus is Comin' to Town. Pure toilet humor.
Song #2: "The Dreidel Song" sung in rounds
Song #3: Hitler, in hell, singing a very sad rendition of "O Tanenbaum." Satan comforts him by breaking into
Song #4: "Christmastime in Hell" which is funny because it's so freaking absurd. Probably the most offensive song shown on the episode (there was a corresponding album that actually featured a song called "The Most Offensive Song Ever," and even I can't stomach that one), just because of some of the people shown in hell. But we later learn that in the South Park universe, everyone goes to hell.
Song #5: "Carol of the Bells" sung Mr. Mackey
Song #6: Mr. Hankey says "Let's not forget that for some people, Christmas is about the birth of Jesus." Alas, it really is only some. Eric Cartman sings "O Holy Night" but doesn't know all the words, so he sings "Jesus was born, and so I get presents" which is pretty accurate to a child's understanding.
Song #7: My favorite. Mr. Garrison sings "Merry Fucking Christmas." Has to be seen to be believed.
Song #8: Shelly Marsh attempts to play "I Saw Three Ships" on the piano and ends up dropping the piano on Stan and Kyle. Of course.
Song #9: A medley, sung by Santa and Jesus, singing songs about themselves. Again with the absurdity. This one is surprisingly nonoffensive though. I realize a lot of Christians find it offensive that South Park even dares to have an animated version of Jesus, but if you can look past that, he's portrayed as very compassionate and a peacemaker. Santa gets jealous because there are more Jesus songs than Santa songs. He starts to storm away, but Jesus wins him over with a duet of "Let it Snow."
And last but not least, Song #10: "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas," played surprisingly straight. Even includes a subtle tribute to Mary Kay Bergman, the actress who voiced most of the show's female characters up until this point, and had committed suicide shortly before this episode aired.
Mr. Hankey goes back down the toilet, and the newscaster fights the frizzies. Oh, and Kenny dies.
Visuals: 2 out of 5
Spirit: 2 out of 5
Nostalgia: 2 out of 5
Humor: 4 out of 5
Music: 4 out of 5
Overall: 3 out of 5
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Christmas Vacation Installment #15: The Simpsons "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire"
The very first full-length episode of The Simpsons was a Christmas episode. They had high ambitions. Remember when this came on and no one knew who they were, except for devoted Tracy Ullman viewers and people who paid close attention to Butterfinger commercials? I was seven when this aired, and I definitely watched it. I distinctly remember having the following conversation:
My brother: The Simpsons Christmas Special is on tonight.
Me: Who are the Simpsons?
My brother: A weird family.
Sums it up pretty well, yes?
We first meet the first family of Springfield at the Springfield Elementary Christmas program. The first time we ever see Lisa Simpson, she is dancing in a wooden mask and waving flaming torches. Lisa Simpson, you rock. Then we see Bart's class singing "Jingle Bells." It's visually jarring to see Bart Simpson in a group of other children and not recognize any of the other children. Bart is singing the "Batman smells" version of "Jingle Bells," and I remember that when this aired, that made me realize Bart was someone I could relate to. Now I just wonder why we all thought it was so funny to badmouth Batman. Really, on the list of people you don't want to piss off, I'd say Batman is pretty high up.
Onto the Simpson home! And their Christmas letter: Dear friends of the Simpson family, we had some sadness and some gladness this year. First the sadness, our little cat Snowball was unexpectedly run over and went to kitty heaven but we bought a new little cat Snowball 2 so I guess life goes on. Speaking of life going on Grampa is still with us feisty as ever, Maggie is walking by herself, Lisa got straight A's,and Bart... well we love Bart. The magic of the season has touched us all.
Lisa wants a pony and Bart wants a tattoo. One of Marge's sisters calls and won't identify herself to Homer. The Simpsons' Christmas lights are outshined by the Flanders'. I had almost forgotten we met Ned Flanders so early. Although I have a feeling the post-Flanderization Flanders wouldn't have Santa on his roof. He'd have an elaborate nativity or something similar. (fyi, readers, if I use terms that make no sense to you, just look them up at tvtropes.org)
Bart thinks his mom will approve of a tattoo that says "Mother." The tattoo guy just asks "How old are you?" and takes Bart's response "Twenty-one, sir." at face value. Heh. I actually got carded TWICE for my tattoo. I was eighteen, but didn't look it or something. Anyway, Marge is not amused, and spends all the Christmas savings on laser removal, which apparently only takes one session.
We see Homer at work, chomping doughnuts as usual. Mr. Burns does not sound like himself as he announces no Christmas bonuses. Homer does not have the heart to break the news to Marge, so he just shoulders the responsibility of Christmas shopping for himself. He buys pantyhose for Marge, pads of paper for Bart, and a squeaky steak dog toy for Maggie-- no mention of what he buys for Lisa. After another annoying encounter with Flanders, in which Flanders says "Happy Holidays", much to the horror of Conservatives everywhere, Homer goes to Moe's. Moe gives Homer a candy cane. Aw.
Good ol' Barney gives Homer the idea of becoming a mall Santa. Homer enters training, and learns he won't be paid until Christmas Eve.
Patty and Selma have arrived, because apparently they don't live in Springfield? *shrug* They bitch about the lack of Christmas tree, because they are rude houseguests, so Homer goes to get one and apparently steals one. Whatever.
Next we see Homer at his Santa job, where he is confiding in a little girl about wishing Mrs. Claus's sisters would get out of town. Hee. Bart yanks the beard of what he believes to be just any mall Santa, only to reveal *gasp* Homer! I remember wondering when I first saw this why Bart called his father by his first name. Have never really gotten an answer to that question. Bart is moved by his father's willingness to stoop so low.
Homer's paycheck is a measly thirteen bucks. Cringeworthy moment as the needlessly cheery woman chirrups off all the things that were deducted from it. Including Christmas Club. That makes no sense.
Ooh! Classic line: "Come on, Dad, if TV has taught me anything, it's that miracles always happen to poor kids at Christmas. It happened to Tiny Tim, it happened to Charlie Brown, it happened to the Smurfs, and it's gonna happen to us!" I credit that line with the success of The Simpsons.
Poor Lisa is stuck at home with her aunts, who are trashing her father, but she puts them in her place in her earliest display of wise-beyond-her-years vocabulary and psychological evaluation. All while watching a special about elves or something.
Homer and Bart are seeking their fortune at the dog track, where they bid on Santa's Little Helper, who of course loses. But, you know where this is going...
Bart: Can we keep him, Dad? Please?
Homer: But he's a loser. He's pathetic. He's...
[the dog licks his face]
Homer: A Simpson.
Homer comes home ready to make full confession about his lack of Christmas bonus, but the family is so excited and in love with the new dog that they don't even notice. Because at the end of the day, they are a loving family, and that's what makes The Simpsons amazing.
Over the credits, the family sings "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer", complete with "Like a lightbulb!" exclamations, which I remember my dad being beyond thrilled about, because for some bizarre reason, my dad was obsessed with randomly exclaiming "Like a lightbulb!", often without context. Anyway. Homer forgets the words, and sings "Rudolph, get your nose over here, so you can guide my sleigh... today." I have to admit that made me laugh out loud.
Visuals: 2 out of 5
Spirit: 4 out of 5
Nostalgia: 4 out of 5
Humor: 4 out of 5
Music: 1 out of 5
Overall: 3.5 out of 5
My brother: The Simpsons Christmas Special is on tonight.
Me: Who are the Simpsons?
My brother: A weird family.
Sums it up pretty well, yes?
We first meet the first family of Springfield at the Springfield Elementary Christmas program. The first time we ever see Lisa Simpson, she is dancing in a wooden mask and waving flaming torches. Lisa Simpson, you rock. Then we see Bart's class singing "Jingle Bells." It's visually jarring to see Bart Simpson in a group of other children and not recognize any of the other children. Bart is singing the "Batman smells" version of "Jingle Bells," and I remember that when this aired, that made me realize Bart was someone I could relate to. Now I just wonder why we all thought it was so funny to badmouth Batman. Really, on the list of people you don't want to piss off, I'd say Batman is pretty high up.
Onto the Simpson home! And their Christmas letter: Dear friends of the Simpson family, we had some sadness and some gladness this year. First the sadness, our little cat Snowball was unexpectedly run over and went to kitty heaven but we bought a new little cat Snowball 2 so I guess life goes on. Speaking of life going on Grampa is still with us feisty as ever, Maggie is walking by herself, Lisa got straight A's,and Bart... well we love Bart. The magic of the season has touched us all.
Lisa wants a pony and Bart wants a tattoo. One of Marge's sisters calls and won't identify herself to Homer. The Simpsons' Christmas lights are outshined by the Flanders'. I had almost forgotten we met Ned Flanders so early. Although I have a feeling the post-Flanderization Flanders wouldn't have Santa on his roof. He'd have an elaborate nativity or something similar. (fyi, readers, if I use terms that make no sense to you, just look them up at tvtropes.org)
Bart thinks his mom will approve of a tattoo that says "Mother." The tattoo guy just asks "How old are you?" and takes Bart's response "Twenty-one, sir." at face value. Heh. I actually got carded TWICE for my tattoo. I was eighteen, but didn't look it or something. Anyway, Marge is not amused, and spends all the Christmas savings on laser removal, which apparently only takes one session.
We see Homer at work, chomping doughnuts as usual. Mr. Burns does not sound like himself as he announces no Christmas bonuses. Homer does not have the heart to break the news to Marge, so he just shoulders the responsibility of Christmas shopping for himself. He buys pantyhose for Marge, pads of paper for Bart, and a squeaky steak dog toy for Maggie-- no mention of what he buys for Lisa. After another annoying encounter with Flanders, in which Flanders says "Happy Holidays", much to the horror of Conservatives everywhere, Homer goes to Moe's. Moe gives Homer a candy cane. Aw.
Good ol' Barney gives Homer the idea of becoming a mall Santa. Homer enters training, and learns he won't be paid until Christmas Eve.
Patty and Selma have arrived, because apparently they don't live in Springfield? *shrug* They bitch about the lack of Christmas tree, because they are rude houseguests, so Homer goes to get one and apparently steals one. Whatever.
Next we see Homer at his Santa job, where he is confiding in a little girl about wishing Mrs. Claus's sisters would get out of town. Hee. Bart yanks the beard of what he believes to be just any mall Santa, only to reveal *gasp* Homer! I remember wondering when I first saw this why Bart called his father by his first name. Have never really gotten an answer to that question. Bart is moved by his father's willingness to stoop so low.
Homer's paycheck is a measly thirteen bucks. Cringeworthy moment as the needlessly cheery woman chirrups off all the things that were deducted from it. Including Christmas Club. That makes no sense.
Ooh! Classic line: "Come on, Dad, if TV has taught me anything, it's that miracles always happen to poor kids at Christmas. It happened to Tiny Tim, it happened to Charlie Brown, it happened to the Smurfs, and it's gonna happen to us!" I credit that line with the success of The Simpsons.
Poor Lisa is stuck at home with her aunts, who are trashing her father, but she puts them in her place in her earliest display of wise-beyond-her-years vocabulary and psychological evaluation. All while watching a special about elves or something.
Homer and Bart are seeking their fortune at the dog track, where they bid on Santa's Little Helper, who of course loses. But, you know where this is going...
Bart: Can we keep him, Dad? Please?
Homer: But he's a loser. He's pathetic. He's...
[the dog licks his face]
Homer: A Simpson.
Homer comes home ready to make full confession about his lack of Christmas bonus, but the family is so excited and in love with the new dog that they don't even notice. Because at the end of the day, they are a loving family, and that's what makes The Simpsons amazing.
Over the credits, the family sings "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer", complete with "Like a lightbulb!" exclamations, which I remember my dad being beyond thrilled about, because for some bizarre reason, my dad was obsessed with randomly exclaiming "Like a lightbulb!", often without context. Anyway. Homer forgets the words, and sings "Rudolph, get your nose over here, so you can guide my sleigh... today." I have to admit that made me laugh out loud.
Visuals: 2 out of 5
Spirit: 4 out of 5
Nostalgia: 4 out of 5
Humor: 4 out of 5
Music: 1 out of 5
Overall: 3.5 out of 5
Monday, December 13, 2010
Christmas Vacation Installment #14: Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
In my worldview, this is the most classic, most timeless of all the classic and timeless Rankin-Bass specials. After I blog this one, maybe I can move on to the Muppets specials!
Our narrator for this special is a talking snowman, voiced by Burl Ives, who I confess I don't know from anything else. Santa is too skinny, so Mrs. Claus is trying to force him to eat because the children are expecting a fat Santa. Doesn't really make a lot of sense if you think about it... if Santa really does exist, but is really skinny, why do people expect him to be fat? And nobody sees him anyway, so what does it matter if he doesn't look like people expect?
Anyway, on to the story proper. Rudolph has been born to Donner and wife, and his nose is all red and glowy. Santa comes to meet him, and is disturbed by Rudolph's nose. Then, apropos of nothing, he sings a song about jingling bells. But it's a catchy song, so we'll forgive its randomness. Donner decides to cover up Rudolph's nose, because he won't make the sleigh team with a red nose. Because the color of his nose will affect his athletic abilities, or something? Is there any way to read this OTHER than as a metaphor for racism? Because I can't think of one.
Next we meet Hermey the elf, being shamed for not liking to make toys. Which might be a metaphor for homophobia. Or I might be overthinking things.
The elves sing a song for Santa, called... wait for it... "We Are Santa's Elves." Santa doesn't seem too impressed. He wants to get on the task of checking out the new deer. The other elves blame Hermey for the song not being so good, because he skipped practice to work on some dolls' teeth. Cue Crowning Moment of Funny:
Head Elf: Why weren't you at elf practice?
Hermey: Just fixing these dolls' teeth.
Head Elf: Just fixing...? Now listen, we have dolls that cry, talk, walk, blink and run a temperature. We don't need any chewing dolls!
Hermey: But I just thought I'd find a way to - to fit in.
Head Elf: You'll never fit in! Now you come to elf practice, learn how to wiggle your ears, chuckle warmly, go hee-hee and ho-ho, and important stuff like that. A dentist! Good grief!
I've always found the reindeer games scene difficult to watch. This special kind of makes the North Pole seem like a horrible place to grow up. Anyway. Rudolph is publicly humiliated and laughed at by all of the other reindeer (but you knew that) except for the cute girl reindeer, Clarice, who likes him and sings him a song.
Hermey and Rudolph finally meet, and sing my favorite song, "We're a Couple of Misfits." You could say I relate to feeling like a misfit. I've also been known to sing this song to my cat (who was the pick of the litter because she was a misfit-- the smallest of five kittens, and the only one who wasn't solid black).
Next we meet Yukon Cornelius and hear a song about silver and gold. And get chased by an abominable snowmonster. Then set adrift on an ice boat.
Donner feels bad about being cruel to his son, so he sets out looking for him, but continues to act like a jerk when he tells his wife that she can't come because "This is man's work." Of course, his wife doesn't listen. She and Clarice go looking on their own.
Rudolph and Co. are lost in the fog.
Yukon Cornelius: This fog's as thick as peanut butter!
Hermey: You mean pea soup.
Yukon Cornelius: You eat what you like, and I'll eat what I like!
Snerk.
Soon, we come upon the Island of Misfit Toys, which is really the best part of the whole special. The misfit toys are actually pretty awesome. It always bothered me that we were never told why the little doll was a misfit. Apparently Jules Bass once answered this question with, "I dunno — maybe she was an alcoholic?"
For some inexplicable reason, Rudolph sneaks away in the middle of the night, leaving his friends alone. And then he grows up, in a quick little montage, as cartoon characters tend to do. And when he grows up, he realizes that he can't just run away from his problems, so he heads home, only to discover that his parents have been gone for some time looking for him. Somehow, Rudolph instinctively knows to go looking in the cave of the abominable snowmonster. Ultimately, it turns out the snowmonster just needed some dental work done.
When they all return to North Pole headquarters, everyone realizes they were wrong about the misfits, and the snowmonster puts the star on top of the tree. Musical number: "Holly Jolly Christmas," which a pre-schooler I once taught had memorized and thought was called "Rudolph." But the storm is still raging, so Christmas is cancelled... UNTIL, Santa realizes he can use Rudolph's nose to light the way! Wheeee!!! Santa's first stop is the Island of Misfit Toys. I always loved that Santa was going to find homes for all the toys. Apparently, the subsequent scene of Santa rescuing them all and loading them onto the sleigh was a later addition, due to complaints from fans that it seemed like Santa wasn't following through on his promise to help them.
Over the credits we see elves releasing the toys into the air with little blue umbrellas, which is weird... how do they know where to go? What's even weirder is that they release the toy bird without an umbrella, when the reason he was a misfit was that he couldn't fly, he swam. But now it appears that he flies. Maybe they fixed him somehow.
Visuals: 5 out of 5
Spirit: 4 out of 5
Nostalgia: 5 out of 5
Humor: 4 out of 5
Music: 5 out of 5
Overall: 5 out of 5
Our narrator for this special is a talking snowman, voiced by Burl Ives, who I confess I don't know from anything else. Santa is too skinny, so Mrs. Claus is trying to force him to eat because the children are expecting a fat Santa. Doesn't really make a lot of sense if you think about it... if Santa really does exist, but is really skinny, why do people expect him to be fat? And nobody sees him anyway, so what does it matter if he doesn't look like people expect?
Anyway, on to the story proper. Rudolph has been born to Donner and wife, and his nose is all red and glowy. Santa comes to meet him, and is disturbed by Rudolph's nose. Then, apropos of nothing, he sings a song about jingling bells. But it's a catchy song, so we'll forgive its randomness. Donner decides to cover up Rudolph's nose, because he won't make the sleigh team with a red nose. Because the color of his nose will affect his athletic abilities, or something? Is there any way to read this OTHER than as a metaphor for racism? Because I can't think of one.
Next we meet Hermey the elf, being shamed for not liking to make toys. Which might be a metaphor for homophobia. Or I might be overthinking things.
The elves sing a song for Santa, called... wait for it... "We Are Santa's Elves." Santa doesn't seem too impressed. He wants to get on the task of checking out the new deer. The other elves blame Hermey for the song not being so good, because he skipped practice to work on some dolls' teeth. Cue Crowning Moment of Funny:
Head Elf: Why weren't you at elf practice?
Hermey: Just fixing these dolls' teeth.
Head Elf: Just fixing...? Now listen, we have dolls that cry, talk, walk, blink and run a temperature. We don't need any chewing dolls!
Hermey: But I just thought I'd find a way to - to fit in.
Head Elf: You'll never fit in! Now you come to elf practice, learn how to wiggle your ears, chuckle warmly, go hee-hee and ho-ho, and important stuff like that. A dentist! Good grief!
I've always found the reindeer games scene difficult to watch. This special kind of makes the North Pole seem like a horrible place to grow up. Anyway. Rudolph is publicly humiliated and laughed at by all of the other reindeer (but you knew that) except for the cute girl reindeer, Clarice, who likes him and sings him a song.
Hermey and Rudolph finally meet, and sing my favorite song, "We're a Couple of Misfits." You could say I relate to feeling like a misfit. I've also been known to sing this song to my cat (who was the pick of the litter because she was a misfit-- the smallest of five kittens, and the only one who wasn't solid black).
Next we meet Yukon Cornelius and hear a song about silver and gold. And get chased by an abominable snowmonster. Then set adrift on an ice boat.
Donner feels bad about being cruel to his son, so he sets out looking for him, but continues to act like a jerk when he tells his wife that she can't come because "This is man's work." Of course, his wife doesn't listen. She and Clarice go looking on their own.
Rudolph and Co. are lost in the fog.
Yukon Cornelius: This fog's as thick as peanut butter!
Hermey: You mean pea soup.
Yukon Cornelius: You eat what you like, and I'll eat what I like!
Snerk.
Soon, we come upon the Island of Misfit Toys, which is really the best part of the whole special. The misfit toys are actually pretty awesome. It always bothered me that we were never told why the little doll was a misfit. Apparently Jules Bass once answered this question with, "I dunno — maybe she was an alcoholic?"
For some inexplicable reason, Rudolph sneaks away in the middle of the night, leaving his friends alone. And then he grows up, in a quick little montage, as cartoon characters tend to do. And when he grows up, he realizes that he can't just run away from his problems, so he heads home, only to discover that his parents have been gone for some time looking for him. Somehow, Rudolph instinctively knows to go looking in the cave of the abominable snowmonster. Ultimately, it turns out the snowmonster just needed some dental work done.
When they all return to North Pole headquarters, everyone realizes they were wrong about the misfits, and the snowmonster puts the star on top of the tree. Musical number: "Holly Jolly Christmas," which a pre-schooler I once taught had memorized and thought was called "Rudolph." But the storm is still raging, so Christmas is cancelled... UNTIL, Santa realizes he can use Rudolph's nose to light the way! Wheeee!!! Santa's first stop is the Island of Misfit Toys. I always loved that Santa was going to find homes for all the toys. Apparently, the subsequent scene of Santa rescuing them all and loading them onto the sleigh was a later addition, due to complaints from fans that it seemed like Santa wasn't following through on his promise to help them.
Over the credits we see elves releasing the toys into the air with little blue umbrellas, which is weird... how do they know where to go? What's even weirder is that they release the toy bird without an umbrella, when the reason he was a misfit was that he couldn't fly, he swam. But now it appears that he flies. Maybe they fixed him somehow.
Visuals: 5 out of 5
Spirit: 4 out of 5
Nostalgia: 5 out of 5
Humor: 4 out of 5
Music: 5 out of 5
Overall: 5 out of 5
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Christmas Vacation Installment #13: A Charlie Brown Christmas
It definitely would not be Christmas without this one. It's snowing outside right now, and I am in the mood for Charlie Brown. Tvtropes.org says "This is not a Christmas Special. This is the Christmas Special." And judging by how much today's children still love this special (I have seen many preschoolers be told, "If you have good behavior at school/take a nap/etc, you can stay up and watch A Charlie Brown Christmas, and it always works) and how much adults love it, I would have to agree.
Charlie Brown is depressed. Christmas is coming, but he's not happy. He doesn't feel the way he's supposed to feel. Pretty accurate portrayal of depression. Linus claims that Charlie Brown is the only person who could take a wonderful season like Christmas and turn it into a problem. I think we all know that's not true.
Lucy gives Charlie surprisingly good advice-- he needs a project. So she makes him director of the Christmas play, a job which he takes very seriously, but everyone else just wants to dance. Ultimately, Charlie Brown decides what the play needs is a tree. Everyone wants him to get a huge pink aluminum tree, but of course he falls in love with the little tiny tree. Barely a branch. It's so cute. I would have done the same thing if I were Charlie Brown. The other kids make fun of his tree, leading Charlie Brown to cry out in frustration that no one will tell him what Christmas is all about. Linus steps up and quotes the Book of Luke. Ultimately, all the other kids come to Charlie Brown's house and decorate his little tree, and they all sing "Hark the Herald Angels Sing."
The plot sounds so ridiculously simple, and yet it is the most lovable and heartwarming 30 minutes of television I can imagine. Thank goodness Charles Schulz stuck to his guns and did not let the network put a laugh track or Santa Claus in it, or take the Biblical speech and jazz music out.
Visuals: 4 out of 5
Spirit: 5 out of 5
Nostalgia: 5 out of 5
Humor: 5 out of 5
Music: 4 out of 5
Overall: 5 out of 5
Charlie Brown is depressed. Christmas is coming, but he's not happy. He doesn't feel the way he's supposed to feel. Pretty accurate portrayal of depression. Linus claims that Charlie Brown is the only person who could take a wonderful season like Christmas and turn it into a problem. I think we all know that's not true.
Lucy gives Charlie surprisingly good advice-- he needs a project. So she makes him director of the Christmas play, a job which he takes very seriously, but everyone else just wants to dance. Ultimately, Charlie Brown decides what the play needs is a tree. Everyone wants him to get a huge pink aluminum tree, but of course he falls in love with the little tiny tree. Barely a branch. It's so cute. I would have done the same thing if I were Charlie Brown. The other kids make fun of his tree, leading Charlie Brown to cry out in frustration that no one will tell him what Christmas is all about. Linus steps up and quotes the Book of Luke. Ultimately, all the other kids come to Charlie Brown's house and decorate his little tree, and they all sing "Hark the Herald Angels Sing."
The plot sounds so ridiculously simple, and yet it is the most lovable and heartwarming 30 minutes of television I can imagine. Thank goodness Charles Schulz stuck to his guns and did not let the network put a laugh track or Santa Claus in it, or take the Biblical speech and jazz music out.
Visuals: 4 out of 5
Spirit: 5 out of 5
Nostalgia: 5 out of 5
Humor: 5 out of 5
Music: 4 out of 5
Overall: 5 out of 5
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Christmas Vacation Installment #12: Nestor the Long-Eared Christmas Donkey
One of the lesser known and lesser shown Rankin-Bass specials. I never saw it until I was a teenager. Here we meet Santa's donkey, Spieltoe (I thought it was "Steeltoe", but the internet corrects me), who is voiced by the same voice actor as Allan-a-Dale the rooster in Disney's Robin Hood. He shows around the North Pole stables, which has a nativity set in the corner. He points out that the donkey is wrong. You see, that donkey was his ancestor, Nestor! (hee, that rhymes) Spieltoe then launches into a song: "Everyone knows about Rudolph, but there's someone else you should know..." See, this special is kind of the religious equivalent of Rudolph. Nester is picked on incessantly because of his abnormally long ears.
When we fade into the story proper, the animals are celebrating the winter solstice when a soldier of the Roman Empire comes in to buy donkeys, and for some reason he is so outraged that the owner would even think of selling him a long-eared donkey that he refuses to pay for the other donkeys. So the owner throws Nestor out of the barn and into a snowstorm, because all humans are jerks. Nestor's mother follows him, and warms him with her body, but she freezes to death. Harsh. Bambi levels of harsh.
Nestor soon meets a cherub. Not an angel, a cherub. She explains "Angels inspire humans. Cherubs inspire animals." She tells him that his ears are a special gift and he has a destiny. Then she leads him to Bethlehem. Well, part of the way. There's a montage of their travels and animals along the way laughing at Nestor's ears, over a song about how cruel it is to laugh at people and make them cry. Kind of preachy.
The cherub departs, leaving Nestor to fend for himself. He tries to find work, but apparently it's hard to do the usual work of a donkey when your ears drag to the ground. But he at least finds a barn to stay in, with a new owner. And who should show up but Mary and Joseph. They choose Nestor to take Mary to Bethlehem, because he looks gentle.
They ride through a blinding storm. Nestor's large and ultra sensitive ears allow him to follow the voices of the angels to Bethlehem, and it's his idea to take shelter in a stable, because that feels like home to a donkey who misses his mother.
And, after the birth, we go straight to "when Nestor returned, he really was a hero!" It shows him reuniting with the owner who kicked him out at the beginning. Why would he go back there? For that matter, how do they know what he did? Oh well, don't overthink it.
Closing song tells us to be thankful for Nestor. We see some more shots of the North Pole, and I'm pretty sure Rankin and Bass are reusing footage. That's okay, Disney does it too. I like this special for uniting the Santa and Jesus aspects of Christmas-- often, people get caught up in thinking it's either/or, that if you have Santa then you don't have Jesus, but you can actually have both. There's room in the human spirit for Christmas to mean multiple things, and Santa was originally supposed to epitomize Christian values of generosity and unconditional love.
"Though, Rudolph, I just love you, I know you'd want it said. Nestor's ears are lovely as a reindeer's nose is red."
Visuals: 4 out of 5
Spirit: 5 out of 5
Nostalgia: 1 out of 5
Humor: 1 out of 5
Music: 2 out of 5
Overall: 3 out of 5
When we fade into the story proper, the animals are celebrating the winter solstice when a soldier of the Roman Empire comes in to buy donkeys, and for some reason he is so outraged that the owner would even think of selling him a long-eared donkey that he refuses to pay for the other donkeys. So the owner throws Nestor out of the barn and into a snowstorm, because all humans are jerks. Nestor's mother follows him, and warms him with her body, but she freezes to death. Harsh. Bambi levels of harsh.
Nestor soon meets a cherub. Not an angel, a cherub. She explains "Angels inspire humans. Cherubs inspire animals." She tells him that his ears are a special gift and he has a destiny. Then she leads him to Bethlehem. Well, part of the way. There's a montage of their travels and animals along the way laughing at Nestor's ears, over a song about how cruel it is to laugh at people and make them cry. Kind of preachy.
The cherub departs, leaving Nestor to fend for himself. He tries to find work, but apparently it's hard to do the usual work of a donkey when your ears drag to the ground. But he at least finds a barn to stay in, with a new owner. And who should show up but Mary and Joseph. They choose Nestor to take Mary to Bethlehem, because he looks gentle.
They ride through a blinding storm. Nestor's large and ultra sensitive ears allow him to follow the voices of the angels to Bethlehem, and it's his idea to take shelter in a stable, because that feels like home to a donkey who misses his mother.
And, after the birth, we go straight to "when Nestor returned, he really was a hero!" It shows him reuniting with the owner who kicked him out at the beginning. Why would he go back there? For that matter, how do they know what he did? Oh well, don't overthink it.
Closing song tells us to be thankful for Nestor. We see some more shots of the North Pole, and I'm pretty sure Rankin and Bass are reusing footage. That's okay, Disney does it too. I like this special for uniting the Santa and Jesus aspects of Christmas-- often, people get caught up in thinking it's either/or, that if you have Santa then you don't have Jesus, but you can actually have both. There's room in the human spirit for Christmas to mean multiple things, and Santa was originally supposed to epitomize Christian values of generosity and unconditional love.
"Though, Rudolph, I just love you, I know you'd want it said. Nestor's ears are lovely as a reindeer's nose is red."
Visuals: 4 out of 5
Spirit: 5 out of 5
Nostalgia: 1 out of 5
Humor: 1 out of 5
Music: 2 out of 5
Overall: 3 out of 5
Christmas Vacation Installment #11: The Year Without a Santa Claus
Another one of my favorites!
Santa is tired, guys. Working one all-night shift a year is tough. Although I suppose the preparation is intense. Santa's doctor displays terrible bedside manner and tells Santa to stay home because nobody cares about Christmas anymore anyway. Cue title song. The children, they cried. They thought Santa had died! I would cry over that too.
Mrs. Claus, disturbed by her husband's lackadaisical behavior, decides to take on the role of Santa herself. She admits she's fantasized about it a lot. Then the two main elves, Jingle and Jangle, talk her out of that plan pretty quickly. Mrs. Claus's plan B is to send them (along with vixen the reindeer) to find someone to perk up Santa's morale.
There's a cute little married moment between the Clauses where he lets on that he knows she's up to something, because she looks like she's not up to anything. He is not pleased to learn that Jingle and Jangle have gone into the world unsupervised. Santa seems to find them rather incompetent. And Vixen is just a baby!
Mrs. Clause forgot all about the Miser brothers-- the real stars of this special.
The elves and reindeer reach Southtown, USA, and run afoul of a traffic cop. They assume reindeer are unwelcome in the south. Their solution? Disguise her as a dog by putting socks on her antlers. The absurdity is my favorite thing about this special.
The elves meet some kids, who tell them that Santa is taking a year off, and THEN that they don't believe in Santa. That makes no sense. One has to exist in order to take a year off.
Santa has arrived in Southtown to search for his wayward employees, and is taken in by the Thistlewhite family, who epitomize Southern hospitality. But their son, Ignacius, does not believe in Santa Claus. Santa and Mr. Thistlewhite sing a very lovely song about believing in Santa Claus. I LOVE the music in this special. Straight-up love, no irony. Ignacius is moved by the song. He tells "Mr. Claus" the bad news: Vixen was taken away by the dogcatcher.
Poor Vixen is in the pound. The pound employees apparently didn't notice that the alleged stray dog had antlers and hooves. Santa flies away, which makes the Thistlewhite family realize who their guest actually was. Ignacius has the revelation, "I bet that dog was a baby reindeer!" His dad wisely points out that the dog pound won't know how to take care of a reindeer. He advises his son to go to the mayor. Jingle and Jangle have received the same advice, and the mayor has a good laugh at the three of them. He then decides that he will help them only if they can make it snow.
Santa, unsurprisingly the most sensible of the bunch, simply goes to the pound and pays the fine to get Vixen out of hock. Then he takes her home, because the heat is making her sick. It always moved me that Santa was so genuinely concerned about a baby reindeer.
Jingle, Jangle, Ignacius and Mrs. Claus go to see Snow Miser. Yay! Showstopping "I Am" song from Snow Miser, who describes Santa as "the best advertisement snow business ever had."
He also refers to Heat Miser as his stepbrother. Weird. They have to take their case to Heast Miser, which means YAY-- another even more showstopping number.
Heat Miser doesn't see why he should do the Clauses a favor. He also refers to his brother as a "tooty fruity snow cone." Hee. The brothers can't agree, so Mrs. Claus goes over their head to their mother: Mother Nature. Whom both Misers refer to as "Mother" so I don't know why Snow Miser said "stepbrother" before. Mother Nature whips her boys into shape. So it snows in Southtown. The mayor now believes in Santa Claus. But all is not repaired just yet: Santa's still tired.
But in comes the outpouring of love! The children sing "Blue Christmas" to Santa, which is kind of weird because I associate it with Elvis. But it also kind of brings a lump to my throat. Shut up. That song always gets to me, even when Elvis sings it. Santa is spurred into action! They sing "Here Comes Santa Claus" (by "they" I mean an unseen chorus). I'd forgotten that. Mrs. Claus assures us that there will never, ever be a year without a Santa Claus. Happy reprise of the title song. All's right with the world.
Visuals: 4 out of 5
Spirit: 4 out of 5
Nostalgia: 3 out of 5
Humor: 4 out of 5
Music: 5 out of 5
Overall: 4 out of 5
Santa is tired, guys. Working one all-night shift a year is tough. Although I suppose the preparation is intense. Santa's doctor displays terrible bedside manner and tells Santa to stay home because nobody cares about Christmas anymore anyway. Cue title song. The children, they cried. They thought Santa had died! I would cry over that too.
Mrs. Claus, disturbed by her husband's lackadaisical behavior, decides to take on the role of Santa herself. She admits she's fantasized about it a lot. Then the two main elves, Jingle and Jangle, talk her out of that plan pretty quickly. Mrs. Claus's plan B is to send them (along with vixen the reindeer) to find someone to perk up Santa's morale.
There's a cute little married moment between the Clauses where he lets on that he knows she's up to something, because she looks like she's not up to anything. He is not pleased to learn that Jingle and Jangle have gone into the world unsupervised. Santa seems to find them rather incompetent. And Vixen is just a baby!
Mrs. Clause forgot all about the Miser brothers-- the real stars of this special.
The elves and reindeer reach Southtown, USA, and run afoul of a traffic cop. They assume reindeer are unwelcome in the south. Their solution? Disguise her as a dog by putting socks on her antlers. The absurdity is my favorite thing about this special.
The elves meet some kids, who tell them that Santa is taking a year off, and THEN that they don't believe in Santa. That makes no sense. One has to exist in order to take a year off.
Santa has arrived in Southtown to search for his wayward employees, and is taken in by the Thistlewhite family, who epitomize Southern hospitality. But their son, Ignacius, does not believe in Santa Claus. Santa and Mr. Thistlewhite sing a very lovely song about believing in Santa Claus. I LOVE the music in this special. Straight-up love, no irony. Ignacius is moved by the song. He tells "Mr. Claus" the bad news: Vixen was taken away by the dogcatcher.
Poor Vixen is in the pound. The pound employees apparently didn't notice that the alleged stray dog had antlers and hooves. Santa flies away, which makes the Thistlewhite family realize who their guest actually was. Ignacius has the revelation, "I bet that dog was a baby reindeer!" His dad wisely points out that the dog pound won't know how to take care of a reindeer. He advises his son to go to the mayor. Jingle and Jangle have received the same advice, and the mayor has a good laugh at the three of them. He then decides that he will help them only if they can make it snow.
Santa, unsurprisingly the most sensible of the bunch, simply goes to the pound and pays the fine to get Vixen out of hock. Then he takes her home, because the heat is making her sick. It always moved me that Santa was so genuinely concerned about a baby reindeer.
Jingle, Jangle, Ignacius and Mrs. Claus go to see Snow Miser. Yay! Showstopping "I Am" song from Snow Miser, who describes Santa as "the best advertisement snow business ever had."
He also refers to Heat Miser as his stepbrother. Weird. They have to take their case to Heast Miser, which means YAY-- another even more showstopping number.
Heat Miser doesn't see why he should do the Clauses a favor. He also refers to his brother as a "tooty fruity snow cone." Hee. The brothers can't agree, so Mrs. Claus goes over their head to their mother: Mother Nature. Whom both Misers refer to as "Mother" so I don't know why Snow Miser said "stepbrother" before. Mother Nature whips her boys into shape. So it snows in Southtown. The mayor now believes in Santa Claus. But all is not repaired just yet: Santa's still tired.
But in comes the outpouring of love! The children sing "Blue Christmas" to Santa, which is kind of weird because I associate it with Elvis. But it also kind of brings a lump to my throat. Shut up. That song always gets to me, even when Elvis sings it. Santa is spurred into action! They sing "Here Comes Santa Claus" (by "they" I mean an unseen chorus). I'd forgotten that. Mrs. Claus assures us that there will never, ever be a year without a Santa Claus. Happy reprise of the title song. All's right with the world.
Visuals: 4 out of 5
Spirit: 4 out of 5
Nostalgia: 3 out of 5
Humor: 4 out of 5
Music: 5 out of 5
Overall: 4 out of 5
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Christmas Vacation #10: How the Grinch Stole Christmas
One of the absolute best, it-wouldn't-be-Christmas-without-it specials. The original, of course- the Jim Carrey version was fun to watch once. Does not stand up to multiple viewings.
Trim Up the Tree song- love!
Grinch bitches about noise, noise, noise, naming many nonsensical toys that don't really exist. Then he bitches about the roast beast. Which sounds even less appetizing to me than it does to him.
I've always loved how ALL the Whos in Whoville gather to clasp hands and sing. I wish we did that around here! And "Welcome Christmas" is one of my favorite Christmas songs, ever. "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch" is up there too, though I don't know if you could rightfully call it a Christmas song. I used to be able to sing it in its entirety, from start to finish.
Commence the stealing of Christmas and the animal abuse inflicted on poor little Max. It always amazed me how thorough the Grinch is-- he steals EVERY Christmas-related item from EVERY who's house? How long does that take him? He steals their light bulbs, he steals their ice cubes... that's a bit excessive, Mr. Grinch. Also, it's creepy when he slithers around the bottom of the tree like a snake.
And who could forget Cindy Lou Who, who was no more than two. Nobody, that's who. Nobody could forget Cindy Lou Who. I always wondered why the Grinch bothered to think up a lie to tell her. What was she going to do if he said, "None yer bizness; go back to bed!" And she really buys the "light that won't light" excuse? My tree always had lights that wouldn't light. Santa never seemed concerned.
As you all know, the grinch has a change in heart-- a change in size of heart, to be precise-- and he returns Christmas. I have always wondered how the Whos figured out what belonged to which Who family, but maybe, being an openminded non-materialistic species, they just divided it up evenly. Or each took what they wanted. Or something.
The words of "Welcome Christmas" simply being spoken for the ending voiceover is a bit of a tearjerker moment. Gosh, I just love this thing so much. I'm a sap.
Visuals: 4 out of 5
Spirit: 4 out of 5
Nostalgia: 5 out of 5
Humor: 3 out of 5
Music: 5 out of 5
Overall: 4.5 out of 5
Trim Up the Tree song- love!
Grinch bitches about noise, noise, noise, naming many nonsensical toys that don't really exist. Then he bitches about the roast beast. Which sounds even less appetizing to me than it does to him.
I've always loved how ALL the Whos in Whoville gather to clasp hands and sing. I wish we did that around here! And "Welcome Christmas" is one of my favorite Christmas songs, ever. "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch" is up there too, though I don't know if you could rightfully call it a Christmas song. I used to be able to sing it in its entirety, from start to finish.
Commence the stealing of Christmas and the animal abuse inflicted on poor little Max. It always amazed me how thorough the Grinch is-- he steals EVERY Christmas-related item from EVERY who's house? How long does that take him? He steals their light bulbs, he steals their ice cubes... that's a bit excessive, Mr. Grinch. Also, it's creepy when he slithers around the bottom of the tree like a snake.
And who could forget Cindy Lou Who, who was no more than two. Nobody, that's who. Nobody could forget Cindy Lou Who. I always wondered why the Grinch bothered to think up a lie to tell her. What was she going to do if he said, "None yer bizness; go back to bed!" And she really buys the "light that won't light" excuse? My tree always had lights that wouldn't light. Santa never seemed concerned.
As you all know, the grinch has a change in heart-- a change in size of heart, to be precise-- and he returns Christmas. I have always wondered how the Whos figured out what belonged to which Who family, but maybe, being an openminded non-materialistic species, they just divided it up evenly. Or each took what they wanted. Or something.
The words of "Welcome Christmas" simply being spoken for the ending voiceover is a bit of a tearjerker moment. Gosh, I just love this thing so much. I'm a sap.
Visuals: 4 out of 5
Spirit: 4 out of 5
Nostalgia: 5 out of 5
Humor: 3 out of 5
Music: 5 out of 5
Overall: 4.5 out of 5
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Christmas Vacation Installment #9: Frosty's Winter Wonderland
I remember watching this one when I was little, and thinking it was new. It had actually been around at least a decade at that point. It was just new-er than the original Frosty and didn't get shown as much.
No Jimmy Durante. Instead we get Andy Griffith, here to tell the tale of how Frosty took a wife.
Jack Frost is the bad guy in this special. And he has the look of a cartoon villain from the 80's. Which makes perfect sense, since he is in fact a cartoon villain from the 70's. Anyway. He's jealous because all the children love Frosty as their symbol of winter. And Frosty's sad because he's all alone at night when the children go inside. So they build him a wife, and take suggestions for a name. Suggestions include "Minihaha" and "Cornflakes." But they don't name her "Cornflakes." They name her "Crystal." Sadly, though, there is no magic hat lying around to bring Crystal to life. And I'm glad for that, because it would be pretty cheesy if magic hats just came a dime a dozen. But, apparently, frost flowers made with love by a lonely snowman can do the trick. So Crystal comes to life, just in time to see Jack Frost steal Frosty's hat. But Crystal knows just want to do: she makes him a frost flower of his own, and he comes right back to life. That makes very little sense, but it's a Christmas special, so I'll ride with it.
Time for a wedding. Parson Brown shows up and everything, but when he gets there, he proclaims that he is not allowed to perform snowpeople marriages. "It wouldn't be legal." He really says that. But he humors the kids and helps them build a Snow Parson. He even loans the Snow Parson his Bible, and that brings him to life. Like Frosty and Crystal before him, his first words are "Happy birthday." It doesn't make sense when any of them do it, but it's still cute.
Frosty asks Jack Frost to be his best man. Which he accepts, because I've always been the best man!" Like many Christmas villains, it doesn't take much to warm Jack Frost's heart. So the wedding goes on, and for a cartoon wedding, it's rather pretty. Set to the tune of (what else?) "Winter Wonderland." There's even a little daydream sequence where they imagine having snow babies. I have to admit, it makes me "awww" out loud.
Everyone, including Jack Frost, is so darn happy that winter almost doesn't end. But Parson Brown convinces them that winter should end so spring can happen. Good old Parson Brown. Frosty and Crystal skate out of town, and as they do, we briefly glimpse Karen on the bridge. I wonder why they reduced her role to a mere cameo in this one? She was the one who stuck by Frosty's side in the original. Maybe she is traumatized by that time she almost froze to death and so she doesn't play outside much anymore. Or maybe her parents have been sending her to shock therapy, like Dorothy in Return to Oz. (I'm not knocking shock therapy, it's a great treatment for some people-- but it always disturbed me that Dorothy would have to go through that based on the events of Wizard of Oz. Who thought that up?
Frosty and Crystal take the train back to the North Pole. And that's pretty much the end. This special really doesn't have much of a plot. But the animation is really good, so we'll give it that.
Visuals: 4 out of 5
Spirit: 2 out of 5
Nostalgia: 3 out of 5
Humor: 1 out of 5
Music: 3 out of 5
Overall: 3 out of 5
No Jimmy Durante. Instead we get Andy Griffith, here to tell the tale of how Frosty took a wife.
Jack Frost is the bad guy in this special. And he has the look of a cartoon villain from the 80's. Which makes perfect sense, since he is in fact a cartoon villain from the 70's. Anyway. He's jealous because all the children love Frosty as their symbol of winter. And Frosty's sad because he's all alone at night when the children go inside. So they build him a wife, and take suggestions for a name. Suggestions include "Minihaha" and "Cornflakes." But they don't name her "Cornflakes." They name her "Crystal." Sadly, though, there is no magic hat lying around to bring Crystal to life. And I'm glad for that, because it would be pretty cheesy if magic hats just came a dime a dozen. But, apparently, frost flowers made with love by a lonely snowman can do the trick. So Crystal comes to life, just in time to see Jack Frost steal Frosty's hat. But Crystal knows just want to do: she makes him a frost flower of his own, and he comes right back to life. That makes very little sense, but it's a Christmas special, so I'll ride with it.
Time for a wedding. Parson Brown shows up and everything, but when he gets there, he proclaims that he is not allowed to perform snowpeople marriages. "It wouldn't be legal." He really says that. But he humors the kids and helps them build a Snow Parson. He even loans the Snow Parson his Bible, and that brings him to life. Like Frosty and Crystal before him, his first words are "Happy birthday." It doesn't make sense when any of them do it, but it's still cute.
Frosty asks Jack Frost to be his best man. Which he accepts, because I've always been the best man!" Like many Christmas villains, it doesn't take much to warm Jack Frost's heart. So the wedding goes on, and for a cartoon wedding, it's rather pretty. Set to the tune of (what else?) "Winter Wonderland." There's even a little daydream sequence where they imagine having snow babies. I have to admit, it makes me "awww" out loud.
Everyone, including Jack Frost, is so darn happy that winter almost doesn't end. But Parson Brown convinces them that winter should end so spring can happen. Good old Parson Brown. Frosty and Crystal skate out of town, and as they do, we briefly glimpse Karen on the bridge. I wonder why they reduced her role to a mere cameo in this one? She was the one who stuck by Frosty's side in the original. Maybe she is traumatized by that time she almost froze to death and so she doesn't play outside much anymore. Or maybe her parents have been sending her to shock therapy, like Dorothy in Return to Oz. (I'm not knocking shock therapy, it's a great treatment for some people-- but it always disturbed me that Dorothy would have to go through that based on the events of Wizard of Oz. Who thought that up?
Frosty and Crystal take the train back to the North Pole. And that's pretty much the end. This special really doesn't have much of a plot. But the animation is really good, so we'll give it that.
Visuals: 4 out of 5
Spirit: 2 out of 5
Nostalgia: 3 out of 5
Humor: 1 out of 5
Music: 3 out of 5
Overall: 3 out of 5
Christmas Vacation Installment #8: Frosty the Snowman
Another Rankin-Bass classic, this time in 2D animation. Was this their only 2D special? (ETA: Oh, right. 'Twas the Night Before Christmas. Duh)
This is definitely one that I definitely watched every single year of my childhood. I grew up with it to such an extent that I never thought of the song as separate from the cartoon. I was a teenager before it occurred to me that "there must have been some magic in that old silk hat they found" hadn't always meant that it was a magic hat stolen from a mean magician, and that "Frosty the Snowman had to hurry on his way" was probably originally intended as a euphemism for melting, not for being taken to the North Pole.
I'd forgotten that there was a narrator for this one. He's rather forgettable, because he's just some old dude, not a snowman or a singing mailman.
The magician looks rather pale, and wastes no time letting everyone know how bitter he is. Although, the hat is his property, I guess we can't fault him for wanting it back. His rabbit sneaks it back to Frosty, so there's much dancing and merriment to the title song. I don't know why Frosty says "Happy birthday!" every time he comes to life, but it's cute.
Quickly, we learn that Frosty is terrified of red thermometers, because even though he just came to life, he knows warmth is a death sentence. So he and the children begin marching downtown (with a broomstick in his hand, of course) towards the train station, where they have a confrontation with a traffic cop, because Frosty doesn't know about rules and things like that. Of course, the traffic cop doesn't realize he was just talking to a snowman until Frosty has already passed by. Rule of cartoon logic.
They make it to the train station, and are flabbergasted that one can't purchase a train ticket without money. And on the evening in the early 80's when this was taped off the TV, it was 59 degrees in Morristown.
It was never clear to me how Karen formed more of an attachment to Frosty than the other kids. She rather impulsively sneaks onto the boxcar with him, where she quickly catches hypothermia. She sneezes, and Frosty says "Are you cold, Karen? Now that's a silly question. You wouldn't be sneezing if you weren't cold." I remember being confused by that when I was little, because people sneeze all the time without being cold-- if they're sick, or simply get dust in their noses.
They end up walking through the woods, in a snowstorm, trying to get to Karen to warmth. I'm sure being carried by a snowman doesn't help. They come upon some woodland creatures who are decorating for Christmas. I swear, I don't even remember there being woodland creatures in this special. Thank you, South Park, for completely ruining all appearances of animated woodland creatures in Christmas specials.
The magician catches up to them and threatens, "Give me that hat or else!" to which Frosty replies, "Or else what?" which annoys the magician--and makes me laugh. It has a long history of making me laugh, actually, and I'm not entirely sure why it's funny. People in cartoons are always saying "or else" and they never go into specifics.
The magician traps Frosty and Karen in a greenhouse, and by the time the rabbit gets Santa for help and gets there, it's too late-- they find Karen weeping over a puddle. There's even a little "in memoriam" montage over a sad reprise of the song. But then Santa explains that Frosty was made out of Christmas snow, which never truly disappears. All it takes is a nice cool breeze and Frosty is a snowman again. The magician still wants his hat back, but Santa threatens that if he lays a hand on it, Santa will never bring him another Christmas present. This threat really gets to the magician, because he's truly just a big kid. Santa tells him to go home and write "I'm very sorry for what I did to Frosty" a hundred million times. Which the magician happily does, hoping that if he does what Santa asks, Santa will bring him a new hat. Seems fair. I mean, the hat was his to begin with.
Santa takes Frosty away on his sleigh, and all is right with the world. I'm off work today, so I just might fit one of the Frosty sequels in today too.
Visuals: 2 out of 5
Spirit: 4 out of 5
Nostalgia: 5 out of 5
Humor: 3 out of 5
Music: 3 out of 5
Overall: 4 out of 5
This is definitely one that I definitely watched every single year of my childhood. I grew up with it to such an extent that I never thought of the song as separate from the cartoon. I was a teenager before it occurred to me that "there must have been some magic in that old silk hat they found" hadn't always meant that it was a magic hat stolen from a mean magician, and that "Frosty the Snowman had to hurry on his way" was probably originally intended as a euphemism for melting, not for being taken to the North Pole.
I'd forgotten that there was a narrator for this one. He's rather forgettable, because he's just some old dude, not a snowman or a singing mailman.
The magician looks rather pale, and wastes no time letting everyone know how bitter he is. Although, the hat is his property, I guess we can't fault him for wanting it back. His rabbit sneaks it back to Frosty, so there's much dancing and merriment to the title song. I don't know why Frosty says "Happy birthday!" every time he comes to life, but it's cute.
Quickly, we learn that Frosty is terrified of red thermometers, because even though he just came to life, he knows warmth is a death sentence. So he and the children begin marching downtown (with a broomstick in his hand, of course) towards the train station, where they have a confrontation with a traffic cop, because Frosty doesn't know about rules and things like that. Of course, the traffic cop doesn't realize he was just talking to a snowman until Frosty has already passed by. Rule of cartoon logic.
They make it to the train station, and are flabbergasted that one can't purchase a train ticket without money. And on the evening in the early 80's when this was taped off the TV, it was 59 degrees in Morristown.
It was never clear to me how Karen formed more of an attachment to Frosty than the other kids. She rather impulsively sneaks onto the boxcar with him, where she quickly catches hypothermia. She sneezes, and Frosty says "Are you cold, Karen? Now that's a silly question. You wouldn't be sneezing if you weren't cold." I remember being confused by that when I was little, because people sneeze all the time without being cold-- if they're sick, or simply get dust in their noses.
They end up walking through the woods, in a snowstorm, trying to get to Karen to warmth. I'm sure being carried by a snowman doesn't help. They come upon some woodland creatures who are decorating for Christmas. I swear, I don't even remember there being woodland creatures in this special. Thank you, South Park, for completely ruining all appearances of animated woodland creatures in Christmas specials.
The magician catches up to them and threatens, "Give me that hat or else!" to which Frosty replies, "Or else what?" which annoys the magician--and makes me laugh. It has a long history of making me laugh, actually, and I'm not entirely sure why it's funny. People in cartoons are always saying "or else" and they never go into specifics.
The magician traps Frosty and Karen in a greenhouse, and by the time the rabbit gets Santa for help and gets there, it's too late-- they find Karen weeping over a puddle. There's even a little "in memoriam" montage over a sad reprise of the song. But then Santa explains that Frosty was made out of Christmas snow, which never truly disappears. All it takes is a nice cool breeze and Frosty is a snowman again. The magician still wants his hat back, but Santa threatens that if he lays a hand on it, Santa will never bring him another Christmas present. This threat really gets to the magician, because he's truly just a big kid. Santa tells him to go home and write "I'm very sorry for what I did to Frosty" a hundred million times. Which the magician happily does, hoping that if he does what Santa asks, Santa will bring him a new hat. Seems fair. I mean, the hat was his to begin with.
Santa takes Frosty away on his sleigh, and all is right with the world. I'm off work today, so I just might fit one of the Frosty sequels in today too.
Visuals: 2 out of 5
Spirit: 4 out of 5
Nostalgia: 5 out of 5
Humor: 3 out of 5
Music: 3 out of 5
Overall: 4 out of 5
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Christmas Vacation Installment #7: Glee "A Very Glee Christmas"
Yes, I am one of those people who squeals uncontrollably about Glee. That's something you're going to have to accept about me. I bought the Christmas album on Black Friday, and I have been eager to see which songs are actually in the episode.
In the teaser, we learn that Brittany still believes in Santa, which really endears her character to me, because I also clung to my belief in Santa well into my teen years. Also, Will is mopey, because it's his first Christmas since his divorce and Emma married John Stamos. I'm sorry, I still can't fault Emma for that one. John Stamos is hot.
The episode officially opens with the Glee Club decorating a tree and singing "The Most Wonderful Day of the Year", aka the Island of Misfit Toys song. It's sweet, because they really look like they're having fun, and the song is appropriate for their characters. Alas, the tree and all its adornments are either stolen or trash.
Will wants the club to do something for the less fortunate, so they try caroling in classrooms to raise money, but no one wants carolers in their classroom. Which is a shame, because I like the Glee rendition of "We Need a Little Christmas," which the Muppets did not write-- turns out it's from the musical Mame.
There's a bizarre but amusing scene of all the Glee Club members visiting a mall Santa. Brittany asks Santa to give Artie the ability to walk. Awkward.
There's a very pretty snowy rendition of "Merry Christmas Darling" from Rachel to Finn, followed by the best version of "Baby, It's Cold Outside" I have ever heard, sung by two extraordinarily talented young men. Yay for the show for having a male duet of that song, when they could have so easily given it to Rachel and Finn. But that would have been just eh, and this is amazing. They have such chemistry.
Meanwhile, Sue Sylvester is trying to steal Christmas. She replaced every name in the faculty Secret Santa with her own name. The only other time I've seen someone do that was on Lois and Clark, when Jimmy Olson was under the influence of magical rat toys that made everyone act like spoiled children.
After Will calls Sue a grinch and confiscates her gifts to give to charity, she decides to embrace her grinchiness, so she paints herself green, dons a Santa suit, and has Becky dress up as Max the rein-dog. Which seems kind of demeaning, in my humble opinion. So they steal all the charity gift. Brittany interrupts them, playing the role of Cindy Lou Who, and she buys the excuse about the light that won't light, because I guess she's never seen How the Grinch Stole Christmas. And she doesn't recognize Sue under the green makeup. Sometimes I wish they would afford Brittany a little bit of brain power. Just a little, come on.
On the album, Will does "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch" with k.d. lang, somewhat inexplicably. Actually, k.d. lang sings the song, while Will narrates the story. It's not really as good as it could have been. Here, k.d. lang's vocals play as Sue steals Christmas. But "Mr. Grinch" is replaced with "Sue the Grinch." It's not like that on the album. Seems unnecessary.
Then there's a dramatic re-break-up scene with Finn and Rachel at a Christmas tree lot. They sing "Last Christmas." That song has always kind of gotten on my nerves, but I like how Lea Michele sings it like she means it.
Extremely bizarre scene where the Glee Club has decided to go all Gift of the Magi (their phrase) in order to help the kids-- the girls are selling their hair and the guys are selling their watches. How exactly is that going to work? Do people buy hair these days? Turns out none of them have ever actually read Gift of the Magi. Will gives a little speech about how life sucks. When you're little, Christmas is the best day of your life, and for the rest of your life, you try to get that magic back.
Coach Bieste becomes Santa to gently break the news to Brittany that even Santa can't give Artie the ability to walk again. And tells the story of a little girl who wanted more than anything to look like the other girls. It's a surprisingly heartwarming, if somewhat bizarre, scene.
And just when Sue thinks she has thoroughly crushed the Glee Club's spirits, she hears them singing... you guessed it... "Welcome Christmas." Which is so NOT on the Christmas album! Pleasant surprise, but man, I would listen to it all the time in my car if it was on the album! It's a really nice scene, and I LOVE how they changed the line "just so long as we have we" to "just so long as we have GLEE." I love this show, and I will not apologize for it!
Artie has been given a gift of a "Re Walk." I did not know such a thing existed. Pretty neat. At first I thought Sue must have bought it when her heart grew three sizes, but apparently it was Coach Bieste. Sue's good deed was to break into Will's house, decorate, and return all the charity gifts. And she got him a razor. Along with some of the Glee kids, because apparently their families don't care if they spend Christmas Eve with their teacher.
Bizarre, and yet heartwarming... that's Glee.
Visuals: 3 out of 5
Spirit: 4 out of 5
Nostalgia: 1 out of 5 (for the Grinch references)
Humor: 4 out of 5
Music: 5 out of 5
overall: 4 out of 5
In the teaser, we learn that Brittany still believes in Santa, which really endears her character to me, because I also clung to my belief in Santa well into my teen years. Also, Will is mopey, because it's his first Christmas since his divorce and Emma married John Stamos. I'm sorry, I still can't fault Emma for that one. John Stamos is hot.
The episode officially opens with the Glee Club decorating a tree and singing "The Most Wonderful Day of the Year", aka the Island of Misfit Toys song. It's sweet, because they really look like they're having fun, and the song is appropriate for their characters. Alas, the tree and all its adornments are either stolen or trash.
Will wants the club to do something for the less fortunate, so they try caroling in classrooms to raise money, but no one wants carolers in their classroom. Which is a shame, because I like the Glee rendition of "We Need a Little Christmas," which the Muppets did not write-- turns out it's from the musical Mame.
There's a bizarre but amusing scene of all the Glee Club members visiting a mall Santa. Brittany asks Santa to give Artie the ability to walk. Awkward.
There's a very pretty snowy rendition of "Merry Christmas Darling" from Rachel to Finn, followed by the best version of "Baby, It's Cold Outside" I have ever heard, sung by two extraordinarily talented young men. Yay for the show for having a male duet of that song, when they could have so easily given it to Rachel and Finn. But that would have been just eh, and this is amazing. They have such chemistry.
Meanwhile, Sue Sylvester is trying to steal Christmas. She replaced every name in the faculty Secret Santa with her own name. The only other time I've seen someone do that was on Lois and Clark, when Jimmy Olson was under the influence of magical rat toys that made everyone act like spoiled children.
After Will calls Sue a grinch and confiscates her gifts to give to charity, she decides to embrace her grinchiness, so she paints herself green, dons a Santa suit, and has Becky dress up as Max the rein-dog. Which seems kind of demeaning, in my humble opinion. So they steal all the charity gift. Brittany interrupts them, playing the role of Cindy Lou Who, and she buys the excuse about the light that won't light, because I guess she's never seen How the Grinch Stole Christmas. And she doesn't recognize Sue under the green makeup. Sometimes I wish they would afford Brittany a little bit of brain power. Just a little, come on.
On the album, Will does "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch" with k.d. lang, somewhat inexplicably. Actually, k.d. lang sings the song, while Will narrates the story. It's not really as good as it could have been. Here, k.d. lang's vocals play as Sue steals Christmas. But "Mr. Grinch" is replaced with "Sue the Grinch." It's not like that on the album. Seems unnecessary.
Then there's a dramatic re-break-up scene with Finn and Rachel at a Christmas tree lot. They sing "Last Christmas." That song has always kind of gotten on my nerves, but I like how Lea Michele sings it like she means it.
Extremely bizarre scene where the Glee Club has decided to go all Gift of the Magi (their phrase) in order to help the kids-- the girls are selling their hair and the guys are selling their watches. How exactly is that going to work? Do people buy hair these days? Turns out none of them have ever actually read Gift of the Magi. Will gives a little speech about how life sucks. When you're little, Christmas is the best day of your life, and for the rest of your life, you try to get that magic back.
Coach Bieste becomes Santa to gently break the news to Brittany that even Santa can't give Artie the ability to walk again. And tells the story of a little girl who wanted more than anything to look like the other girls. It's a surprisingly heartwarming, if somewhat bizarre, scene.
And just when Sue thinks she has thoroughly crushed the Glee Club's spirits, she hears them singing... you guessed it... "Welcome Christmas." Which is so NOT on the Christmas album! Pleasant surprise, but man, I would listen to it all the time in my car if it was on the album! It's a really nice scene, and I LOVE how they changed the line "just so long as we have we" to "just so long as we have GLEE." I love this show, and I will not apologize for it!
Artie has been given a gift of a "Re Walk." I did not know such a thing existed. Pretty neat. At first I thought Sue must have bought it when her heart grew three sizes, but apparently it was Coach Bieste. Sue's good deed was to break into Will's house, decorate, and return all the charity gifts. And she got him a razor. Along with some of the Glee kids, because apparently their families don't care if they spend Christmas Eve with their teacher.
Bizarre, and yet heartwarming... that's Glee.
Visuals: 3 out of 5
Spirit: 4 out of 5
Nostalgia: 1 out of 5 (for the Grinch references)
Humor: 4 out of 5
Music: 5 out of 5
overall: 4 out of 5
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