Since my plan to blog about He-Man and She-Ra was foiled by some sort of technical difficulty, and I'm not sitting through that thing twice in one night, I guess I'll blog about this episode of one of the best shows ever.
It begins with Blanche coming in the door, making sure none of the roommates are home, and then beckoning in her gentleman caller-- a mall Santa on his lunch break. Of course, the other three come home just as Blanche is running back out into the living room in Santa's beard. Dorothy deadpans, "Let me guess... you didn't expect us home so soon?" Rose is horrified that Santa would defile his uniform. Santa just slips out the door wordlessly. Wise man.
The girls are jaded by the overcrowded shopping mall and impersonal gifts, so they decide that they will all make gifts for each other. Sophia is less than impressed with this idea.
Next thing you know, it's the night before Christmas Eve, and the girls are exchanging their gifts before leaving to be with their families the following day. Rose's gift to Dorothy is a maple syrup spicket. Just to be mean, Sophia brings up the fact that Rose had originally planned to give Dorothy a set of pearl earrings.
Blanche's gift to everyone is a calendar-- The Men of Blanche's Boudoir. Somewhere there is a gag reel clip where the producers and crew pasted pictures of themselves onto the prop calendars. It does not appear to be on youtube.
It's mentioned before the girls head to bed that Rose has to work in the morning, so the others will have to pick her up on their way to the airport. So you know that's going to be important.
Sure enough, Dorothy and Blanche come in to the grief center to pick up Rose while Sophia is waiting in the car. They encounter a man who plays with matches and a pathological liar while waiting for Rose to finish counseling one of the principal backers of Howard the Duck. Then, in walks a Santa with a gun. But he doesn't want money, he just wants some people to spend Christmas with. When they ask why the gun, he makes the fair point that if he'd just asked them to spend Christmas with him, they wouldn't have done it.
Soon Sophia walks in to see what's taking so long. Being the fearless Italian that she is, she grabs the gun and exclaims, "This is a toy!" Then chides Dorothy, "You call yourself an Italian and you can't tell the difference between a toy and a real piece?"
The girls make it to the airport just in time to hear that all flights are cancelled due to weather. Sophia takes her anger out on a Hare Krishna.
Next we see them at a diner, and we're told that they've had car trouble since we last saw them. Blanche mentions that she met her husband on Christmas Eve, and then goes on to tell a story that Dorothy claims one could get herpes just by hearing. Which turns out not to be the story of how she met George at all, just a more interesting story. The waiter gives the girls complimentary cheesecake, and when he hears that they're having a rough Christmas, says that he's sad he has to work instead of being at home with his family. He is shocked to hear them say that they can't be with their families either-- from hearing them talk, he assumed they were family. It's not mentioned that Dorothy and Sophia are. The girls are touched that it took a total stranger to point out that they are spending Christmas with family. Things get a little sappy for a moment, until Sophia says "What the hell is this, The Waltons?" I love Sophia.
To repay the waiter, they offer to watch the diner for him so he can spend a little time with his family. Which seems like a liability issue waiting to happen, but he's thrilled to take them up on it.
The girls then realize it's snowing- unusual for Miami- and go to put mood music on the jukebox, but Rose hits the wrong button and it's The Beach Boys "Surfin Safari." Dorothy declares, "This Christmas, it fits" and we fade out on a Christmas-Card-esque picture of the four of them gazing out the window.
I need some sleep! Merry Christmas!
Visuals: 3 out of 5
Spirit: 3.5 out of 5
Nostalgia: 3 out of 5
Humor: 5 out of 5
Music: 1 out of 5
Overall: 3.5 out of 5
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