The very first full-length episode of The Simpsons was a Christmas episode. They had high ambitions. Remember when this came on and no one knew who they were, except for devoted Tracy Ullman viewers and people who paid close attention to Butterfinger commercials? I was seven when this aired, and I definitely watched it. I distinctly remember having the following conversation:
My brother: The Simpsons Christmas Special is on tonight.
Me: Who are the Simpsons?
My brother: A weird family.
Sums it up pretty well, yes?
We first meet the first family of Springfield at the Springfield Elementary Christmas program. The first time we ever see Lisa Simpson, she is dancing in a wooden mask and waving flaming torches. Lisa Simpson, you rock. Then we see Bart's class singing "Jingle Bells." It's visually jarring to see Bart Simpson in a group of other children and not recognize any of the other children. Bart is singing the "Batman smells" version of "Jingle Bells," and I remember that when this aired, that made me realize Bart was someone I could relate to. Now I just wonder why we all thought it was so funny to badmouth Batman. Really, on the list of people you don't want to piss off, I'd say Batman is pretty high up.
Onto the Simpson home! And their Christmas letter: Dear friends of the Simpson family, we had some sadness and some gladness this year. First the sadness, our little cat Snowball was unexpectedly run over and went to kitty heaven but we bought a new little cat Snowball 2 so I guess life goes on. Speaking of life going on Grampa is still with us feisty as ever, Maggie is walking by herself, Lisa got straight A's,and Bart... well we love Bart. The magic of the season has touched us all.
Lisa wants a pony and Bart wants a tattoo. One of Marge's sisters calls and won't identify herself to Homer. The Simpsons' Christmas lights are outshined by the Flanders'. I had almost forgotten we met Ned Flanders so early. Although I have a feeling the post-Flanderization Flanders wouldn't have Santa on his roof. He'd have an elaborate nativity or something similar. (fyi, readers, if I use terms that make no sense to you, just look them up at tvtropes.org)
Bart thinks his mom will approve of a tattoo that says "Mother." The tattoo guy just asks "How old are you?" and takes Bart's response "Twenty-one, sir." at face value. Heh. I actually got carded TWICE for my tattoo. I was eighteen, but didn't look it or something. Anyway, Marge is not amused, and spends all the Christmas savings on laser removal, which apparently only takes one session.
We see Homer at work, chomping doughnuts as usual. Mr. Burns does not sound like himself as he announces no Christmas bonuses. Homer does not have the heart to break the news to Marge, so he just shoulders the responsibility of Christmas shopping for himself. He buys pantyhose for Marge, pads of paper for Bart, and a squeaky steak dog toy for Maggie-- no mention of what he buys for Lisa. After another annoying encounter with Flanders, in which Flanders says "Happy Holidays", much to the horror of Conservatives everywhere, Homer goes to Moe's. Moe gives Homer a candy cane. Aw.
Good ol' Barney gives Homer the idea of becoming a mall Santa. Homer enters training, and learns he won't be paid until Christmas Eve.
Patty and Selma have arrived, because apparently they don't live in Springfield? *shrug* They bitch about the lack of Christmas tree, because they are rude houseguests, so Homer goes to get one and apparently steals one. Whatever.
Next we see Homer at his Santa job, where he is confiding in a little girl about wishing Mrs. Claus's sisters would get out of town. Hee. Bart yanks the beard of what he believes to be just any mall Santa, only to reveal *gasp* Homer! I remember wondering when I first saw this why Bart called his father by his first name. Have never really gotten an answer to that question. Bart is moved by his father's willingness to stoop so low.
Homer's paycheck is a measly thirteen bucks. Cringeworthy moment as the needlessly cheery woman chirrups off all the things that were deducted from it. Including Christmas Club. That makes no sense.
Ooh! Classic line: "Come on, Dad, if TV has taught me anything, it's that miracles always happen to poor kids at Christmas. It happened to Tiny Tim, it happened to Charlie Brown, it happened to the Smurfs, and it's gonna happen to us!" I credit that line with the success of The Simpsons.
Poor Lisa is stuck at home with her aunts, who are trashing her father, but she puts them in her place in her earliest display of wise-beyond-her-years vocabulary and psychological evaluation. All while watching a special about elves or something.
Homer and Bart are seeking their fortune at the dog track, where they bid on Santa's Little Helper, who of course loses. But, you know where this is going...
Bart: Can we keep him, Dad? Please?
Homer: But he's a loser. He's pathetic. He's...
[the dog licks his face]
Homer: A Simpson.
Homer comes home ready to make full confession about his lack of Christmas bonus, but the family is so excited and in love with the new dog that they don't even notice. Because at the end of the day, they are a loving family, and that's what makes The Simpsons amazing.
Over the credits, the family sings "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer", complete with "Like a lightbulb!" exclamations, which I remember my dad being beyond thrilled about, because for some bizarre reason, my dad was obsessed with randomly exclaiming "Like a lightbulb!", often without context. Anyway. Homer forgets the words, and sings "Rudolph, get your nose over here, so you can guide my sleigh... today." I have to admit that made me laugh out loud.
Visuals: 2 out of 5
Spirit: 4 out of 5
Nostalgia: 4 out of 5
Humor: 4 out of 5
Music: 1 out of 5
Overall: 3.5 out of 5
No comments:
Post a Comment