I watched Muppet Family Christmas last night with my brother and his girlfriend, but I think blogging about that one is going to have to wait, because I love it so much that I will talk about it for a very long time. And I'm still supposed to be writing a paper.
I just started to watch The Santa Clause on ABC Family, but it got boring before the first commercial break. So I'm just going to watch a Christmas episode of The Office. Season 3's "A Benihana Christmas," to be exact. I know I've seen it before, but I don't really remember what happens. This will be fun. Fun enough for a live blog!
This episode begins with Dwight bringing in a dead goose and dropping it on Pam's desk. Pam reacts with appropriate horror. Dwight proclaims that he ran over the goose and "it's a Christmas miracle!" Tony then intervenes to say "we talked about this," and that phrase is never good. It's even less good if you've had to be talked to multiple times about bringing dead birds into the workplace. But apparently this time is different, because last time the duck he brought in for lunch was still alive. Okay, that's worse. "Apparently people got attached to the duck." Hee.
Next we have Michael Scott riding a bike into the office and congratulating himself for putting a bike in the toy donation bin. But it's his old bike. Not that the average bike-less kid would be too upset over getting a used one, but charities like new things. Toys For Tots used to take used toys-- I remember donating some of mine when I was little-- but now they only take new toys, and they will park the hottest Marines they have in front of toy stores to collect donations. I'm serious-- they are always hot. It's Officer McDreamy in uniform, designed to make you go, "Yes, sir, I will buy a toy for your cause, heehee..." Smart men, those Marines.
So, this is the point Michael is dating Carol. Which one was Carol? I don't even remember. And he has two tickets to Jamaica to present to her at the Dunder Mifflin Christmas Party! THAT will end well. Oh, and Michael is wearing a Dunder Mifflin bathrobe around. I'm wearing a snuggie as I type. I can't judge.
Carol is pissed because Michael photoshopped himself into a picture of Carol, her kids, and her ex-husband skiing. He photoshopped his face over her ex-husband's, and used the photo for his Christmas cards. Like most Michael Scott stunts, this is both incredibly implausible and just believable enough that you can see someone actually doing it. Carol unceremoniously dumps him, because he's weird and creepy.
Pam's Christmas gift to Jim: she's been sending Dwight letters from the CIA. They're considering him for a top secret mission, and Jim gets to decide what that is. In a rare moment of maturity, Jim turns this opportunity down.
Michael wants to cancel Christmas because of the breakup. Jim wants to know, "Will they still air Rudolph?" which cracks me up.
Party planning time! Angela says orange streamers would be whorish. She would hate Knoxville. Blah blah Michael's sad. Oh, Jim is still dating Karen, so Pam is being unnecessarily mean to Karen, but the spirit of Christmas moves her, so she decides to be nice, which results in the two of them ganging up on Angela to throw a "way more fun" party. That is straight-up Mean Girl behavior. I'm disappointed in you, Pam. Dwight is about to discipline them in some fashion, but Jim sides with his ladies.
This episode is veering away from being Christmas-y. Michael is being whiny. Gets old sometimes. In the interest of cheering Michael up, it's an all-boys outing to Benihana. Hence the episode title. Benihana is an Asian restaurant, the kind where they cook in front of you and seat you with people you don't know. Dwight gets seated on the other end of the table and excluded from the conversation. More Mean Girl behavior! What the heck!
Ryan: I miss the days when there was only one party I didn't want to go to.
Pam: If you're using more than three pieces of tape to wrap a present, you're doing it wrong.
I was pretty sure I was wrapping presents wrong anyway. A few years ago, I gave up on wrapping paper entirely. Gift bags are my friends.
Karen suggests that Pam should date Roy, who is of course Pam's ex-fiance. AWKWARD. Jenna Fischer plays awkward very well. More Asian food. More Mean Girl stuff. Dwight authorizes Angela's party to start ahead of schedule. Dwight does not have authority to do that. SCANDAL. Back to the boys' party at the Asian restaurant, where they are also acting like Mean Girls. Jim tricks Dwight into loudly describing how to butcher a goose, because he lost that ounce of maturity that he gained earlier. The unseen camera crew calls him on it. Yay, unseen camera crew!
The only people at Angela's party are Angela, Phyllis, Stanley, and some female employee I don't recall. The boys bring the waitresses back to that party, and then split because it's lame. Michael gives his old bike to the waitress, because I guess he equates her with a needy child? Who knows. Now Stanley has made his way over to the "way more fun" party and is karaoke-ing a joyless rendition of "You Oughta Know." Which is kind of Christmas-y, I guess. I got that cd for Christmas when I was thirteen. Changed my life.
Aww, the spirit of Christmas is on the move. First Angela and Dwight have a sweet little moment (for them), then Pam and Karen decide to reach out and unite the two parties. "In the name of Nutcracker Christmas," says Pam, brandishing a Rice Krispie wand. Cuteness. See, Nutcracker Christmas was the theme of Angela's party-- the official Dunder Mifflin party-- I think I glossed over that. You know what? The Nutcracker music is creeeepy.
Michael can't tell the two waitresses apart, because they have on the same uniform and he's drunk and... yeah, he can't tell two Asian girls apart. So he doesn't know which one he's been flirting with all night. He solves this problem by marking on her arm with a pen, which is the most disturbing thing that's happened so far in this 35 minutes and 20 seconds of Netflix Instant Play. I think she's onto him, because she leaves shortly after and turns down his offer to take her to Jamaica. But she still takes the bike. Because that's what this was all about to her: a free used bike.
Party continues. Jim explains to Michael what "rebound" is. Angela karaokes a passionate rendition of "The Little Drummer Boy," with Dwight kneeling in front of her holding the mic and everyone else watching intently, because, who does that? I'm laughing at this scene, prompting my husband to ask why it's funny, and I don't really have an answer. It just is. In a random moment of awesome, Oscar starts to walk in the door during the song, and then promptly walks back out. And ultimately, Jim does go through with pranking Dwight along with Pam, because he's in love with her. And sometimes, when you're in love and it's Christmas, that means pranking someone less cool. Family Unfriendly Aesop, anyone?
I can't believe I just spent an hour and a half on this. Did I mention I'm supposed to be writing a paper?
Visuals: 2 out of 5
Music: 2 out of 5
Spirit: 3 out of 5
Nostalgia: 1 out of 5
Humor: 4 out of 5
Overall: 4 out of 5
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