Full disclosure: Full House used to be my favorite show. It still holds a special place in my heart. The early seasons do, anyway-- the later ones kind of suck. This first Christmas episode (and really the only one I remember, though I'm sure there were more) comes to us from season two. Things were good then.
The family is heading on a trip to Colorado for Christmas. Danny is taping his vacation for "Wake Up San Francisco." Joey and Jesse are singing for no apparent reason. Joey tells the camera "Hey, you on the couch, dig those kooky pajamas!" I remember thinking that was funny, for some reason.
Stephanie (the young cute version) doesn't want to go on the trip because she is terrified that Santa won't be able to find her. So she has drawn Santa a map. It includes drawings of the North Pole, San Francisco, Colorado, and a bird named Tony. The inclusion of the bird makes me laugh out loud. This show used to be genuinely charming.
After the commercial break, they're on the plane. All wearing tacky Christmas sweaters like the tacky people they are. Hey, it's Jesse's parents! We saw so little of them over the years, which is weird since they're the girls' maternal grandparents, but for some reason Jesse and family's actual connection to the girls' late mother doesn't get brought up that often. Jesse's mom remarks that whoever designed airplane bathrooms was not wearing pantyhose. Which is, of course, true, but seriously, who wears pantyhose on a plane?
Who should be on the plane but Danny's cohost, Becky, later to become Aunt Becky. At this point, I don't think she and Jesse are a couple yet, but he is definitely putting the moves on. She is just changing planes in Colorado to go to Nebraska for Christmas. I always kind of liked that she was from Nebraska-- it gave her an old-fashioned farmgirl kind of air.
There's an unnecessary but kind of cute moment where a stuffy businessman demands that DJ get out of his seat, because by some unrealistic fluke, the airline booked three different people for the same seat. The man gets all huffy: "I reserved THAT SEAT three months ago and THAT'S where I'm going to sit!" but then he jumps when he learns there are two seats available in first class. But the attendant is having none of it and escorts DJ and Stephanie to the first class. But, next thing we know, the plane has flown into a snowstorm and is making an unscheduled stop. And then, nobody's going anywhere at all, so it's Christmas at the airport. And I'd like to know, why are people on TV always traveling ON CHRISTMAS EVE? I thought it was common sense: plan your trip for the 23rd at the latest, because Mr. Murphy is always lurking around the corner.
Stephanie's biggest worry is still not that she can't sleep in an uncomfortable airport chair or that she won't get to see all of her relatives, but that Santa won't find them. Which he might not, because the suitcase with all the presents in it still hasn't come down the conveyor belt. Do they conveyor in the luggage for unscheduled overnight stops?
Jesse's dad is encouraging Jesse to use Becky's homesickness and vulnerability as an opportunity to seduce her. "I met your mother on the day Elvis was drafted." Ooookkk. After a brief moment of conversation, Becky runs to the phone to call her cow, which Jesse then relays to his father, and John Stamos's deadpan reading of the line "She went to call her cow" is pretty funny.
Danny confides in his oldest daughter that the presents are lost, and she throws a minor fit upon realizing that she won't get the cd player she already knows she's getting because she went snooping. Way to be a role model, DJ.
Joey dresses up like Santa Claus, because that will solve the problem... how, exactly? Do people really dress up like Santa Claus for their own kids? They're always doing that on TV, but it doesn't make sense to me. You're not supposed to SEE Santa Claus. Stephanie doesn't recognize Joey, but Michelle does. Michelle is a year old. Whatever. Stephanie is angry when she realizes she's being deceived.
Everyone is whining. Time for Uncle Jesse to get on his soapbox. That was this show's trademark, but this was before it got old. He points out that the first Christmas took place in a barn, and if everyone will just get over themselves (I'm paraphrasing), the coat rack could be a Christmas tree, the vending machines could be a Christmas dinner, and the conveyor belt... yeah, it's just a conveyor belt. Then he gets everyone to sing "Sleigh Ride." Multiple other blogs claim he's singing "Winter Wonderland," but trust me, it's "Sleigh Ride." You heard it here.
After the commercial break, we see that there has been some celebrating indeed. The coat rack is decked out with the finest cups and ribbon you ever saw. But I guess we didn't need to see the actual celebrating. Everyone is asleep, except Michelle, who hits a button on the conveyor belt (um, why would those be in children's reach?) and sends her sleeping father into oblivion. Jesse wakes up, picks up Michelle, and realizes that it's Christmas. He yells to the entire room, "Wake up, everybody! Merry Christmas!" I don't know about you, but if I had finally managed to get to sleep in an airport, I'd be pissed if someone woke me up without good reason. Maybe it's just me.
Danny is conveyored back in, covered in snow. Which is just an excuse for Becky to get him some coffee, and the coffee machine is under the mistletoe, so Jesse (under the direction of his parents) goes over to point out that fact. She deflects, but he's like "Christmas Law" and she's like, "Law abiding citizen!" and they share a kiss that's kind of epic. I guess that was their first. Aw.
Who should walk in but Santa. Stephanie says "Hi, Joey" but no, Joey's right there. Stephanie tugs Santa's beard, and yep, it's real. Santa gives a wave, and the conveyor belt turns on, and in come the suitcase full of the family's presents. Stephanie turns around to thank Santa, but he's gone. Oh, but look, stodgy businessman left his laptop open, and the screen says "Merry Christmas! Ho ho ho!" The family all looks at each other, puzzled, and when they wander back towards their presents, only Stephanie sees the screen change to "Thanks for the maps, Stephanie."
I have to admit that TV episodes like this have a special place in my heart. I love it when they seem to be based in the reality of Christmas, where Santa's capabilities depend on what is going on with the parents, but then somehow, something magical happens and both characters and audience are given a reason to, just maybe, believe in Santa again.
I'm a sap. I like believing in Santa. So sue me.
Visuals: 1 out of 5
Spirit: 4 out of 5
Nostalgia: 4 out of 5
Humor: 3 out of 5
Music: 0 out of 5
Overall: 3 out of 5
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